Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

Gra76 · 10 April 2014 at 8:50AM

My wife needs to lose a good 5-6 stone in weight. She knows it and has been saying she's going to do it since the beginning of last year.

Problem is that she's still saying she's going to do 16 months later but if anything she's put weight on.

After multiple false starts with Weight Watchers and Slimming World she decided that she didn't like them for some reason, so she decided to buy fitness DVD's and do some exercise at home on her days off. She bought 3 of them at the beginning of the year. So far only one has been removed from its packaging and it was on for a matter of minutes before she turned it off saying she couldn't do it. If I've suggested opening the others and trying them or selling them to someone who actually intends to use them she's mumbled something about her doing them sometime so she doesn't want to get rid of them.

I've tried the calorie counting thing with her (it's worked well for me as I lost 3 stone and am now down to my goal weight but I know it's not for everyone) but she can't keep track of it and refuses to write things down. She says it's too complicated to remember what she's eaten during the day. I keep a running total in my head and find it very easy but she says she can't do that.

Last night I decided to see if a shock to the system might work so I asked her to go and try on her swimming cossy seeing as we're going on holiday in two months time. She could barely squeeze into it. I asked her to go and stand infront of a mirror and see what she was going to look like in two months time on the beach if she didn't start to do something about it. That seemed to have the desired effect for about 30 mins as she said she was motivated again. Then I found her snacking on biscuits in the kitchen. Apparantly she was stressed out so she was comfort eating. She said she wanted a takeaway. I told her I didn't want one so she sulked for the rest of the night and I later found her snacking on chocolate in our bedroom.

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be pushing it any more? It seems the more I mention it the less she wants to do it. I know she can do it if she really wants to as she managed to lose 50+ lbs for our wedding (nearly 11 years ago) but has slowly been piling it back on ever since.

Maybe she just doesn't want to lose the weight?

pinkteapot · 10 April 2014 at 8:53AM

Gra76 wrote: »

Maybe she just doesn't want to lose the weight?

Exactly what everyone will say in response to your post.

She won't lose weight until she really wants to. It takes motivation.

Nagging her about it won't help - all you'll do is damage her self-esteem. She needs to feel positive and determined.

fireyfirenze · 10 April 2014 at 8:57AM

surely this post is a wind up. you aren't going to have the best of responses. the swimming costume thing is one of the meanest things iv heard for a while. it's not going to help her. it's a vicious cycle of feeling horrible about yourself and then turning to food for comfort. she needs to want to do it for herself.

thehappybutterfly · 10 April 2014 at 8:57AM

OMG. Talk about humiliating someone! Leave her alone - if she wants to lose the weight she'll do it in her own. I would imagine the swimming costume fiasco would have her reaching for the snack box even more. I know I would be.

that poor woman.

thorsoak · 10 April 2014 at 9:01AM

Sorry to say this - but if you come over in real life as you do in your post, its no wonder your wife it comfort eating!

There is no way that she can lose 5 stone in 2 months - and she knows it. You have told her that she doesn't look good - so now she doesn't feel good.

You've gone about it the wrong way - to me it sounds as if you are ashamed of her and that's why you want her to lose weight - didn't matter when you were fat too. It's her health that matters most - not what she looks like.

Personally, if anyone spoke to me in this way, I would be out the door; maybe she now feels that she needs to lose 12 stone first before she loses any weight.

This_Year · 10 April 2014 at 9:04AM

Good Lord.

The only person who can decide to go on a diet is you. If my OH had told me to put on my swimming costume to see how fat I was my reply would have been **** off.

The more someone nags you the more determined you can become not to do what they say. No matter how much you may actually deep down believe what they say.

mummyroysof3 · 10 April 2014 at 9:05AM

You can't make her lose weight she has to want to do it for her not for you. I would guess that you finding it so easy makes her feel a failure and rubs her face in it tbh. Carry on doing your healthy eating and if you stop making comments about weight and food she might start to copy your good ways. Do not make any comments about it though or it might set her back

Person_one · 10 April 2014 at 9:13AM

Have you considered finding another overweight woman, maybe the wife of a friend, and having them chase each other or fight gladiator-style until they're both fit and slim?

There's always the 'secret liposuction' option too. You tell your wife you're taking her to a spa to make up for your insensitive comments, then when she's nice and relaxed just slide that anaesthetic needle in and get to work.

I'll tell you what my ex boyfriend used to do, he would buy me clothes that were 1-2 sizes too small and then plead with me to wear them on nights out/romantic evenings. I lost about 11 stone (and a lovely flat which was a shame) as a result of that.

missingmum · 10 April 2014 at 9:18AM

Goodness. I cant believe that you would do that to someone your supposed to love.
If you want to help, be supportive. Start exercising together, buy a couple of bikes and go on long cycle rides together, long walks together that sort of thing. Take over the cooking and cook healthy meals.

margaretclare · 10 April 2014 at 9:20AM

I agree with what others have said. I wonder WHY you've decided your wife needs to lose this amount of weight? Has she been told this by a health professional, or is it just your opinion?

No one can 'motivate' another person to do anything. It has to come from within. It's that famous 'lightbulb' moment. It starts in the head. It also continues in the head.

'Comfort eating' is a well-known phenomenon. Why do people smoke, take drugs, drink alcohol? Initially, because it makes them feel good. It replaces something that's missing in their life. Then, it becomes at best a habit, at worst an addiction, and they can't stop doing it.

People lose weight in different ways. The 'group therapy' kind of approach by WW works for some people, others are completely turned off by it.

What may be concerning to your wife is that you don't love her 'as she is', warts and all, extra poundage and all. You want her to be different. That can be the death-knell in any marriage.

bluenoseam · 10 April 2014 at 9:21AM

Think the OP's getting or is going to get a rough time over his post, but here's a shocking truth for those people thinking he's a jerk. There's no nice way of saying "you need to lose weight", but the truth hurts, that's just plain & simple logic right there. Was it perhaps a little clumsy to do it in the manner he did, yep, but lets be brutally honest here, it's better than the "looks" she'll get on the beach.

Trouble is his OH isn't going to shift any weight as she's not mentally invested in it & has no motivation to change - hence the excuses. To lose weight you have to have the desire to do it, otherwise you're not going to be able to work through the rough part to see the gains. Lets be fair here, none of us who've lost weight immediately started running 5k's, we all started being knackered after 500m - the difference being we were mentally programed to get over that bridge.

I hope there's some less judgemental people will post & instead of slaughtering OP for his haphazzard ways will see that ultimately what he's trying to do is improve his OH's life. Seems though that she's not willing to do it so well, it's going to be a waste of time & empty words until she gets that 5-6 stone overweight is massively more likely to encounter serious health issues in the future.

Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

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