Tricky situation with child
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Lily-Rose_3
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Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!
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She is no longer a child, she is paying her own way and supporting herself whilst she is at uni, personally, I would be expecting her to get a job during the long vac and conributing to the family pot!
You may have to speak frankly to her - tell her exactly what your budget is - you don't want to make a profit out of her, but she should be paying her way whilst she is at home. And by the way - if you are paying for the groceries, you have every right to chuck out the luxuries that she tosses in! Don't allow her to dominate your lives.0 -
the food and petrol costs for her going to and from town to see her friends from your home are the easy bits i'd say - don't take her shopping with you so she can't load the trolley, get her to make out a list instead and you go shopping for it with your normal food shop. Don't buy her toiletries - her student living grant covers that.
And don't run her about so much if she's not happy to give you petrol money - agree between you how many journeys you are prepared to do for her, and anything extra over that, she funds herself.
If she truly doesn't get that your financial circumstances have changed, maybe she needs to see by your actions, not by your words, that things have changed.0 -
15 weeks sounds excessive for a summer holiday, mine were more like 10 or 11. Is that right?
Secondly, what is her expected accommodation situation for next year? Most students move out of halls and into private accommodation, many start tenancies in July/August which would give her an option as to where she stays if she doesn't like whatever you decide on.
Does she have a part-time job? Is she planning to work in the summer?0 -
On the assumption that this isn't a wind up, then you have a number of choices:
1) Tell her straight that when she comes home, a small contribution will be expected from her - amount to be agreed at a later date
2) Just put up with it
3) Hope that,as she will probably have to start paying for her accommodation from June (unless she's very lucky) and not September, she decides to stay at her Uni town during summer.2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
I don't think this is fair because she has to pay rent at her University town, a student can't pay two lots of rent!!
But as for the food thing, just get her to go shopping separately and buy her own stuff if she eats a special diet.0 -
15 weeks sounds excessive for a summer holiday, mine were more like 10 or 11. Is that right?
Secondly, what is her expected accommodation situation for next year? Most students move out of halls and into private accommodation, many start tenancies in July/August which would give her an option as to where she stays if she doesn't like whatever you decide on.
Does she have a part-time job? Is she planning to work in the summer?
She says she finishes mid June and goes back in the second half of Sept, so it's about 15 weeks yes. And no she doesn't have a part time job now. She did have in the summer just gone, but she only did about 10-15 hours a month. Not sure about the student accommodation thing or when she will start, but at the mo, she seem to be saying that she will more likely stay at home.Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0 -
She came home for a week in early November and we spent an extra £25-£30 on the food shopping that week, as she has fancy veggie stuff and lots of fruit and things like that, and she really piled the stuff in the trolley.
Either take it out and put it back on the shelf or get her to take her own trolley round and pay for her fancy extras herself.
Now she has now broken up for Christmas, and has been here for 3 days, and she's already piling expensive stuff in the trolley, and has her kindle, phone, ipod, and laptop on charge half of her waking hours, and the heating on continuous, leaving the thermostat on 21/22 at night - as she doesn't go to bed til 2am! I have been getting up at about 4am and turning it down to 16 as I am stifling! Our electric cost from early November to last Wednesday was about £1.20 a day. Now it's gone up to £1.70 a day.
Turn it down when you go to bed and say either it stays that way or she puts £4 a week in a jar to pay for the extra heating.
In addition to this, we moved house in August, from the town we lived in to a little town 20 miles away. This was 4 or 5 weeks before she went to uni, and she kept wanting to go back to our old town to see friends. But we have no train station, and the buses are few and far between, and they stop going from our old town to where we are at 5.30pm. A taxi would cost £20.
I reckon we spent £20-30 a week EXTRA on petrol during those last 4 or 5 weeks, running her back and forth to our old town.
Ever thought of saying "No" or limiting the times you were prepared to play at taxis?
Well, I am prepared to let this 23 day Christmas holiday slide, but in June she comes home for about 15 weeks, and I think she should be contributing a bit financially. But when her dad mentioned this before she went to uni, she said 'you're kidding aren't you? Nobody I know has their parents charging them in the holidays when they are still at uni.' He said nothing else after that.
You didn't fall for that one, did you? Don't you remember it from Infants - "But no-one's Mum makes them tidy their toys/eat all their dinner/say please/etc?
It really doesn't matter what other parents do anyway - their financial situation isn't yours. You know what you can afford and either she lives within your means or contributes to the house.
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I would put a stop to this 'spoiled princess act'. most uni students 'work' during the holidays. What makes her so special she doesn't do this?
and no - don't let her load your trolley with her 'stuff'. she gets fed as usual - and most uni students are grateful for that!
I would sit her down and explain the facts of life to her!0 -
Jobseeeker wrote: »I don't think this is fair because she has to pay rent at her University town, a student can't pay two lots of rent!!
well that easily sorted then isn't it........talk about 2 birds 1 stone2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
You didn't fall for that one, did you? Don't you remember it from Infants - "But no-one's Mum makes them tidy their toys/eat all their dinner/say please/etc?
It really doesn't matter what other parents do anyway - their financial situation isn't yours. You know what you can afford and either she lives within your means or contributes to the house.
So some parents DO charge their kids then?! She was most insistent that they don't, and that is why we feel awful asking for anything.
I really thought that it was frowned upon to charge your uni student offspring when they were still at uni - even in the hols.Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0
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