In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

Tyler_Du · 17 November 2013 at 10:01PM

It was my daughter's 2nd birthday last weekend, we had invited about 20 close friends and family to come and celebrate with us, some people could not come and let us know weeks in advance. We were a little disappointed at this but understood the reasons why they couldn't come.
Now, the day before the party my cousin calls at 17.00 to say that her and her husband can't come because he has to work. Now we knew her husband works weekend shifts so we let them know months in advance to cater for this. We suggested that my cousin could still come, but she didn't want to (we are a 3 hour drive away) and she invited herself (and hubby) to ours this weekend instead.
I should add that the husband is gluten intolerant and we had (as we always do) got gluten free bread, cakes and biscuits in for him.

Initially I didn't want them to come but agreed with my wife that they could as long as we let them know how much they had pee'd us off.
So they came yesterday, we let them in and made them welcome and had a brew, at this point I said that we were really disappointed they couldn't come to the party and that in all honesty they had pee'd us off a bit, basically we said we just had to get it off our chest and we just wanted to let them know how we felt.
The rest of the day was fine, we went out for lunch etc, nothing more was said and they left with (or so we thought) everyone happy.

Earlier today my wife gets a txt from my cousins husband saying how upset they were that I had said something to them :undecided

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lika_86 · 17 November 2013 at 10:08PM

I think I'd have said something when they initially cancelled about the fact that I wished they'd let me know in advance as I'd bought food specially to cater for the husband's diet, rather than saying nothing then, letting them come over, making them feel welcome and then saying something when you had them on your home turf as guests. It was bound to cause upset, especially if you phrased it as 'pee'd off', rather than something less provocative.

Person_one · 17 November 2013 at 10:09PM

You invited them into your home to tell them off?

Not cool.

thorsoak · 17 November 2013 at 10:10PM

The party was surely for your 2 year old - how disappointed would she have been that your cousin couldn't come????

Talk about making mountains out of molehills!

Bad manners on both sides, methinks!

slightlyconfused1 · 17 November 2013 at 10:13PM

To be honest I really don't see what they did wrong. They couldn't make the party. There is no way I would drive for 6 hours to attend a party for a two year old.

The suggested visiting this weekend instead. The time to tell them that you were angry that they didn't attend the party was then, not after they arrived. Had you done that to me it would be the last time I would visit.

Torry_Quine · 17 November 2013 at 10:15PM

They may well have wanted to come but he had no real option but to work and at least they did let you know. Most things can be frozen so could have been kept for him.

Letting someone visit just to then give them a row seems rather excessive to me. Did he know/expect you to buy in special food for him?

Tyler_Du · 17 November 2013 at 10:15PM

Person_one wrote: »

You invited them into your home to tell them off?

Of course not, I can see however that I could have phrased things better

HPoirot · 17 November 2013 at 10:15PM

Yes, you should have said so initially, and also made an excuse for this weekend if you were peed off at them. At the same time though, they left it till after they had got their money's worth of the 3 hour trip to decide that they were upset didn't they? I suppose they always had the option of beating a hasty retreat and not stay for the day if they were so upset that it warranted a text telling you about it.

emsywoo123 · 17 November 2013 at 10:16PM

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

To be honest I really don't see what they did wrong. They couldn't make the party. To be honest there is no way I would drive for 6 hours to attend a party for a two year old.

The suggested visiting this weekend instead. The time to tell them that you were angry that they didn't attend the party was then, not after they arrived. Had you done that to me it would be the last time I would visit.

Agree 100% with this.

Things might have changed for them, a work situation, or something more personal, since they agreed to come.

Either way, the still made the effort to come and see you this weekend, and you told them you were pee'd off with them? At that point, I would have left!

notanewuser · 17 November 2013 at 10:16PM

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

To be honest I really don't see what they did wrong. They couldn't make the party. There is no way I would drive for 6 hours to attend a party for a two year old.

I have done just this today - not family. Some things are worth celebrating.

meritaten · 17 November 2013 at 10:17PM

I think I would have said it too. but wouldn't have been surprised they had taken umbrage! they are also taking the 'P'! they know you get in 'special' foods so crying off at the last minute then inviting themselves for a week later! that is sheer bad manners!
I would be inclined to 'write' (not text), that you love to see them, and are sorry they are upset - but you put yourselves out to cater for them at the birthday party and were upset they couldn't make it despite plenty of notice. and had to 'clear the air'. you also thought that as they accepted your hospitality for the rest of their stay you thought they understood.
and leave it at that!

In this situation would you have said something (as I did) or keep quiet?

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