I'm so angry

reeree · 24 September 2009 at 4:01PM

those of you who have read my posts before might remember i posted about home schooling my grandson (hes 14) because he was being bullied at school, everything was set in motion and then my daughter changed her mind at the last minute, i was gutted and so was my grandson, those of you that have grandchildren will know you have to be careful what you say to the parents so i didnt push it, today my dg has come home from school after being thumped in between the legs by the school bully in p.e
he told me he burst into tears in front of the class and they took the p*** out of him, the teacher apparantly saw nothing, Later he went up to another boy who was being bullied, ( dg has a kind heart despite what he goes through) and asked him if he was ok, the boy told him to p*** off, i felt so sorry for him in fact im really upset, whenever my daughter phones the school they always say they will sort it but to me its just getting worse. he has no friends to speak of, he brought his school photo home and he wasnt smiling on it, when i asked him why he wasnt smiling he said because i wanted them to know that im sad. Im at a loss as to what to do, i love my dg so much and it hurts to know that he is hurting

Marcheline · 24 September 2009 at 4:14PM

Hi, I feel for you and your grandson. I understand what you mean when you say you feel you should keep out of it a bit BUT this is not a small issue and if I were you I'd be in there fighting my grandson's corner - even if it meant falling out with my daughter over it. I would be putting pressure on her to go into the school and demand a meeting with the head. Your grandson is old enough to know he can turn to you for help - you also need to tell him how you feel and reiterate that you are on his side, even if his mum isn't.

Has your grandson point blank refused to go into school yet? If he does, then it might force your daughter into confronting the school?

The situation sounds odd though, most mothers would fight tooth and nail for their kids: can i ask why she decided against home schooling him in the end? Is moving to another school instead an option?

reeree · 24 September 2009 at 4:22PM

unlike me she hasn't gone into it properly, i got lots of good advice from the good people on here and someone even posted me loads of information on it, its not that she,s not upset about it aswell i just dont think she thinks im up to the job, the school infuriates her, but the trouble is she works from 7am till 5.30pm five days a week, so alot of it falls on me, i would put my heart and soul into educating him if i had the chance

quatrofromageo · 24 September 2009 at 4:22PM

Home schooling detaches young people from their peer group and does more harm than good in the long term.

I had similar problems when I was at school.
My parents pushed me into joining the athletics team. It didn't matter that I was crap, because I got better from running regularly.

The kids that gave me a hard time were usually the delinquents or the cool kids, but not the sports crowd. Get him into sports, get him good at something and he'll make friends. The sports crowd were certainly friendlier and more accepting than the rest.

anguk · 24 September 2009 at 4:27PM

I agree with Marcheline, I would be talking to your daughter about this. Your poor grandson I really feel for him, so many children are too scared to tell anyone they're being bullied and keep it to themself, your grandson has been brave enough to tell someone what's happening yet nobody seems to be doing anything and it's still going on.

Thumping someone between the legs isn't just bullying, it's physical assault and personally I'd be tempted to inform the police, especially if the school isn't doing anything.

Why did your daughter change her mind about home schooling? Was it the time or was she worried she wouldn't be able to do it? Are you in a position where you could home school him.

I really would have a word with your daughter about this, does she know everything that's going on at school or is your grandson just confiding in you?

reeree · 24 September 2009 at 4:35PM

anguk wrote: »

I agree with Marcheline, I would be talking to your daughter about this. Your poor grandson I really feel for him, so many children are too scared to tell anyone they're being bullied and keep it to themself, your grandson has been brave enough to tell someone what's happening yet nobody seems to be doing anything and it's still going on.

Thumping someone between the legs isn't just bullying, it's physical assault and personally I'd be tempted to inform the police, especially if the school isn't doing anything.

Why did your daughter change her mind about home schooling? Was it the time or was she worried she wouldn't be able to do it? Are you in a position where you could home school him.

I really would have a word with your daughter about this, does she know everything that's going on at school or is your grandson just confiding in you?

i was thinking the same thing as you about informing the police and when i see my daughter tonight i will talk to her about that. she never really told me why she had changed her mind except she had been talking to her partner and they had decided against it, but really i think she dosent think im up to it, (it would have been me teaching him not her as she works during the day and im at home) I had doubts myself until i spoke to people on here and with there encouragment i felt that it was something i would be able to do because there is so much support

anguk · 24 September 2009 at 4:39PM

reeree wrote: »

unlike me she hasn't gone into it properly, i got lots of good advice from the good people on here and someone even posted me loads of information on it, its not that she,s not upset about it aswell i just dont think she thinks im up to the job, the school infuriates her, but the trouble is she works from 7am till 5.30pm five days a week, so alot of it falls on me, i would put my heart and soul into educating him if i had the chance

Sorry, we cross-posted and I missed your reply. Could you perhaps suggest a trial period with you home schooling him to see how he gets on?

I've always been sure that if any of my kids were bullied and the school did nothing about it I would take them out of school and teach them myself. Your grandson is 14, you could home school him as best you could then when he's 16 he could go to college and do his GCSEs then go on to A levels if that's what he wants. There's no reason why he can't go on to university etc if he wishes, there's no rule that says you have to do GCSEs at 16, A levels at 18 etc.

Worst case scenario is it sets his education back 2 years, which, in my opinion, a small price to pay for his peace of mind.

I don't agree that home schooling would detatch him from his peer group, he could go to many different clubs in the evening, some sort of self-defence or army/air cadets may be good for his confidence, and make new friends there.

chriszzz · 24 September 2009 at 4:40PM

When my son was 13 he was getting bullied at school. I made an appointment with his form tutor and my son and i went to see him.

I explained that I wont tolerate my child being bullied and that It works both ways and that I wont tolerate my son being a bully.

I told them that If this matter does not get sorted out then I will have no alternative but to take my son out of the school and that i wont hesitate to let the educational services know how let down the good children are. I also told them that I wanted no repercussions for my son.

I am glad to say I never had to go back to the school again, they were excellent with bullying issue and my son throughout his time there never had another problem.

Dont let it carry on because you just dont know how much your grandson is supressed, speak to his mum and maybe you can both support him to end this bullying and if he has a good school they will do everything in there power to put a stop to the bullies.

Good Luck!

Bennifred · 24 September 2009 at 4:45PM

I haven't seen your other posts about the home schooling, but I think a lot more could be done to address his problems at school before you consider that. Have you/daughter asked for a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy? Spoken to his tutor/head of year/ head teacher/ chair of governors/ local school police liaison officer? Put the complaint in writing?

If your daughter doesn't have the time to go into the school and speak to the Head about the bullying - is there a reason why you can't? Perhaps make the offer to your daughter first.......

anguk · 24 September 2009 at 4:46PM

reeree wrote: »

i was thinking the same thing as you about informing the police and when i see my daughter tonight i will talk to her about that. she never really told me why she had changed her mind except she had been talking to her partner and they had decided against it, but really i think she dosent think im up to it, (it would have been me teaching him not her as she works during the day and im at home) I had doubts myself until i spoke to people on here and with there encouragment i felt that it was something i would be able to do because there is so much support

Does her partner know how badly this is affecting your grandson? I may be wrong but sometimes men can think bullying is just part of growing up and boys should just tough it out and stand up to bullying. Is the partner your grandson's father, if so could he not go up to the school to speak to the teachers?

anguk · 24 September 2009 at 4:52PM

Bennifred wrote: »

I haven't seen your other posts about the home schooling, but I think a lot more could be done to address his problems at school before you consider that. Have you/daughter asked for a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy? Spoken to his tutor/head of year/ head teacher/ chair of governors/ local school police liaison officer? Put the complaint in writing?

If your daughter doesn't have the time to go into the school and speak to the Head about the bullying - is there a reason why you can't? Perhaps make the offer to your daughter first.......

I agree you should try all avenues at the school before removing him and I can understand that it's difficult if the mother is working full-time but I'm sorry if your child is being bullied like this you find the time to go to the school, surely she can take time off work, even if it means using some of her holiday entitlement?

If this was my child I would be fighting tooth and nail to get this sorted out, I couldn't bear the thought of my child dreading going to school every day because they're getting bullied, something like this can affect a child for the rest of their lives.

I'm so angry

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