I'm so angry

tandraig

reeree? if you want to pm me at any time - feel free. the issue with my son was quite a few years ago and i am a grandma too now so know how you must be feeling! does angry, frustrated, helpless and itching to act about cover it? I have made sure that my grandchildrens school was informed that i was first contact in emergency (as i am closer and nearly always available) on the forms their parents sent in when starting new year.

reeree

tandraig wrote: »

I am sorry reeree but I think your daughter did the wrong thing going to see the bully in person - I can just imagine what your grandson went through at school today - along the lines of 'awww had to get mummy to fight your battles for you baby?' i think she may have made situation worse. have you contacted the charity kidscape? they gave me fantastic advice!!
can i suggest that your daughter makes you her sons guardian for school issues as she works during school hours - i think its called 'in locum parentis' this way the school has to deal with you!
oh and the bullies dont need a reason to pick on someone - its just because they can! and get away with it! this lad is fourteen you say? hmmm he is now of age to be prosecuted (unlike the three who bullied my son) .

thankyou so much for your replys, I think maybe you have a point about my daughter going to see his mum, i tried my best to stop her, said it was'nt the right way to deal with it but as i was talking to her on the phone she was marching down there, strange thing is the mother of this bully bullied my own daughter terribly when she was at school although they are not really friends they do speak to each other whenever they meet. She has now spoken to the headmaster who spoke to the bully he told him the size of him he should be looking out for dg not bullying him and the bully has agreed to do this, Im not sure thats a good idea. he's also told the teachers to watch out for him, but I still feel very uneasy and know I will be worrying until he gets home. I never thought about him being able to be prosecuted maybe thats a threat that would have some effect on him and the others. I will contact kidscape and see if they can help dg, if only he could get some self esteem i think it would be some way to solving the problem, but how do you give someone self esteem, after school clubs are a good idea but most of the bullies go them aswell so it would be more of the same I think. For the first three or four years after he first started school he had bags of self esteem but once he left the infant school and moved up to junior school and the bullying started I think it was worn away, which is sad really because he was making a really out going child

reeree

tandraig wrote: »

reeree? if you want to pm me at any time - feel free. the issue with my son was quite a few years ago and i am a grandma too now so know how you must be feeling! does angry, frustrated, helpless and itching to act about cover it? I have made sure that my grandchildrens school was informed that i was first contact in emergency (as i am closer and nearly always available) on the forms their parents sent in when starting new year.

yes all those and more cover how i feel, you have given me some really good ideas thankyou so much

Katy83

reeree,

Sorry to hear about the problems your grandson is having, reading it is bringing back horrible memories of when I was bullied.

One major thing that helped me was having a hobby away from school, with friends there who weren't at my school and didn't know me as a bullying target.

Is there any possibility of your grandson getting involved in sport or martial arts or something similar. My hobby was horse riding and it gave me so much strength to get through those years.

Good luck with it xx

reeree

Katy83 wrote: »

reeree,

Sorry to hear about the problems your grandson is having, reading it is bringing back horrible memories of when I was bullied.

One major thing that helped me was having a hobby away from school, with friends there who weren't at my school and didn't know me as a bullying target.

Is there any possibility of your grandson getting involved in sport or martial arts or something similar. My hobby was horse riding and it gave me so much strength to get through those years.

Good luck with it xx

thankyou thats a really good idea, maybe something were he's not known as a bullies target would be just what he needs, he's not really sporty but he does have a talent for building models, he's built some amazing things out of paper, cardboard and especially lego, he's also into collecting aswell, if anyone has any ideas I would really welcome anything that might help

Katy83

Hmm, what about model planes/cars/boats or similar. There are bound to be clubs nearby usually ones that you can build yourself and then fly/sail with other people. Hopefully one of them will have a youth group...maybe try looking on your local gumtree?

tandraig

hi reeree - I didnt mean to sound harsh about your daughter - actually, under the circumstances i admire her courage tremendously! that head sounds like the pillock I dealt with!!! for gods sake what is the man thinking of? I sincerely hope it works.......but in case it doesnt. kidscape is brilliant - lots of good advice from them. so were the police - and i am not one of their greatest fans tbh.
have you asked your DG how HE thinks the situation could be helped? he may talk to you if he doesnt talk to his mum or the school. my son would only say at first he wanted it to stop, but after I took him out from school he told me that is what he had been praying for but hadnt realised it was an option! we forget sometimes that kids dont know these things!!!
as for after school club - I would make sure it wasnt on school premises. its a good idea tho especially if there is a good mix of ages involved. if he likes model making or papercrafts he may be interested in joining an amatuer dramatics group doing props or scenery - they are always desperate for stage hands as most people want to be in the limelight! as always feel free to pm me - especially if you want to let off steam!!!

System

Just wanted to say i can sympathise with your Grandson, i was bullied for 5 years and the school were pretty useless (though please bare in mind this was the best part of 6 years ago so there have been changes, and more policies on tackling bullying introduced since) but it took my mum to have a meeting with my head of years and pretty much demand that i was moved form before anything was done. Definetly encourage him to try a hobby or activity outside of school, it will help to take his mind of things, make new friends and hopefully help rebuild any loss in self esteem he may have suffered as a result of the bullying. i hope things get sorted out

caris

My OH and myself had been in contacted with our grandsons school headmistress a few times (we have residency of him) on the issues of him being bullied, she was adamant that bullying does not go on in her school, she said tha our grandson should tell the teachers or the lunchtime supervisors if he had any problems, he did this on several occassions and nothing was done about it, it was always the same child involved and he also bullied other children but the matter never resolved until one day we had had enough and my OH told her in no uncertain terms that if she didnt sort out the situation then he would go straight to the county education department, she backed down immediately and said that the other boy had behavour problems and was prone to "hitting" other pupils, we told her that if that was the case then this boy should be kept "under control" whilst he was in ths school, the headmistress said she would speak to his parents, needless to say our grandson did not have any more problems for a while until one day he started on my grandson in the toilets, grandson had gone for a pee, when this boy started on him, so our grandson peed on him!!, nedless to say he was soon hurled before the headmistress, she was quick to repremand our grandson, who was terribly upset by the matter, he was made to appologise to the other boy, he did get repremanded by us aswell for that behaviour as it was not acceptable, but we made it clear to the head, that she was quick enough to punish our grandson for his behaviour but she never took the same stance for the other boy, anyway after this our grandson has never been bothered by this boy, but his behaviour is still ongoing for others in the school, and the head still insists that there is no bullying in the school, yes this boy may have behaviour problems but that doesnt justify him getting away with hitting other pupils and not too long ago his antics put a child in hospital, yet he is still in the same school and no action taken. If I were you I would tell the head that you will take the matter further, and follow it through if needed, there are too many schools that will not admit there is a problem with bullying in the school and it needs to be stopped. If this fails then I would go ahead with your home schooling.

caris

duchy

Speaking as a parent and as a former employee in a school.......ANY school that says they don't have any bullying is deluded. It happens in every school -the difference is some schools do something about it and make it clear it won't be tolerated.......others look the other way. The latter need their butts kicking on a regular basis !

I did wonder if maybe your daughter or her partner maybe feel you are "taking over" a bit with homeschooling and that is why they changed their minds. Not a criticism just thinking if you knew more about why they changed their minds you might be better able to address it with them.