Money Moral Dilemma: Should I force my friend to replace my £700 camera lens?

I'm assuming that the "insurance claim" would have been against the friend's house insurance policy hence the refusal.


I would contact the repair shop to see if the friend did pick it up and ask for a copy of something that proves the lens was there and or repaired. That might be enough to prove a debt and they have 6 years to recover the debt?

Options:
Knock on his door and ask him where your money is, or
Email Judge Rinder, or
Admit you made a mistake not tackling this 3 years ago and move on.

I know which I'd go for, unless I fancied 5 minutes of fame.

Marisco wrote: »

Yes, but the problem with these "dilemmas" is, the op never comes back and answers perfectly legit questions the members ask, to get a fuller picture of the situation.

Hello, I originally posted this question to MSE.

To those calling me stupid for not chasing it up in the first place, kindly keep your fairly useless and obvious opinions to yourself please. I'm well aware it was daft not to chase it up in the first place. Hence why it's a dilemma that I've been living with for years now, duh. I came to MSE for general advice not critique on a mistake I'm well aware I messed up on. I'm aware it's probably been too long to claim and maybe I just chalk it up to life experience, but on the off-chance someone on here has some amazing alternative useful options I hadn't thought of, it seemed worth posting for the sake of £700 - what else can I do?!

The situation transpired like this:
The friend in question was one of my very closest friends, who i'd been in a teenage band with for 10 years, to the point where we'd been very close to making a professional career out of it until 2008 happened and we then went off to uni. i.e. we were pretty darn close.

I met with my friend on our yearly Xmas reunion, and he'd brought along a mate of his from Manchester. His mate was a photographer working for GQ magazine, if I remember rightly, and we got talking about kit. I was looking to get my newly bought second-hand lens (Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8L II USM) repaired at the time as it had a minor issue with the focusing ring. This mate of his said that he could get the repair done by his work and he'd just bill it as one of his lenses. His friend seemed trustworthy, and I trusted my friend's judgement (I'M AWARE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN MISTAKE #1 - I don't need opinions on how stupid I was at the time).

The camera lens went over to Manchester for repair, and then a few weeks late, I was told that the lens had been returned to my friend, and was ready for me to come and collect. However, I wasn't able to get over to Manchester for a few weeks. My friend said he'd keep hold of it until I could make it over.

I eventually went over to collect it. He lived with his brother, who was also in the band with us and was a best friend of many years - we stayed friends after all of this. My friend was out at work, but his brother said he'd seen it about the flat just a few days before, as they were preparing to move flat in a week or so. We spent close to two hours looking around the flat, through boxes, bags cupboards etc. We tore the place apart looking for it. Seemingly his brother was convinced it had been there, so I was didn't see any suggestion that it had been stolen/misplaced before arriving back at their flat.

Anyway, we called friend 1 at work, and he was adamant it was in the flat, and he'd be home later to help look for it. I had to leave before he'd be home though, so I ended up leaving feeling very defeated and fed up.

I can't remember exactly how all of the following events happened, but for a while friend 1 claimed that he would find it. He asked me not to report it just yet, as he would get his work lawyers to look into what they could do (i never really learned what he was suggesting by this, but I was young and he was one of my best mates; I trusted him that he was trying to sort it. Again, very obviously a mistake in hindsight, you're not clever for calling me stupid on a forum for this - keep your opinions to yourself unless you have any useful insight as to what he may have been thinking/doing)

Anyway, eventually, after months and months of messages 'any updates on that lens?' and little progress, the replies turned slowly to "I'll pay you for it" and my responses ended up "just wondered, whe ndo you think you'll be able to pay for that lens" and eventually fizzled out and got less and less replies. Eventually radio silence, seemingly disappearing off my facebook, and one time later apparently 'I had issues with facebook, I've not blocked you' - yet he's still a friend on my other friends' accounts (yes, I'm fully aware he blocked me, I'm not naive enough to believe that he hadn't. At this kind of point, it became a dilemma, as I no longer believed he was a friend, and that this had officially driven us apart, but I still had no answers, repayment, lens or crime number).

I kind of unwillingly put it down to experience, and it was really sad. Not only was it £700 value gone, it was a camera lens I'd been wanting for a long long time and finally had - for about a month.

However, I randomly heard through my mum talking to his mum about a year ago that friend 1 had actually been having some financial difficulties a couple of years previously, corresponding to roughly the time this all might have happened. I messaged him (or called, can't remember without checking back) to confront about this. I received an angry response saying how it was none of my business, and it wasn't his mum's business to be telling my mum about it. We'd officially now become not friends, and I felt that bridges were officially burned, and I had no more options allowing me to ask him about it.

Since then, I've not chased, because I had no idea what else to ask, who to ask about it (I didn't want to drive away his brother too, or his mum, as they really were good family friends. His brother and I drifted apart anyway other than meeting for a drink once or twice in the last year, though their mum is still good friends with mine).

However, I thought maybe there's someone out there with a great idea, so thought I might as well post to MSE's Money Dilemmas - what harm is there in doing that (other than having to bear pig ignorant forum trolls).

So here we are. Thoughts? Useful suggestions? I've lost financial value, a hobby item but worst, a lifelong friend. I'd appreciate people being helpful please.

photosynthesize wrote: »

People who post these dilemmas are asking for help and advice. Being snarky and rude doesn't help anyone and will push others away from asking for help too. So many people on these forums are unpleasant.

Can I be snarky and rude and ask if you really believe these 'dilemmas' are real?

The fun is all about how snarky and rude the readers can be.

Why would anyone join MSE just to post this 'dilemma'?