When should I stop buying presents for my friend's children?

Former_MSE_Nick · 18 March 2015 at 5:18PM

Since they were born I've always bought birthday gifts for my friend’s three daughters. So far I have always given them equal value presents but as the eldest is now over 18, I’m wondering how long I need to carry on buying them for her. I don't want to be mean or seem like I'm treating her unfairly, but part of me wants to draw a line for her now. How long should I be expected to keep buying presents for?

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scotsbob · 25 March 2015 at 12:20AM

You ask, "How long should I be expected to keep buying presents for?"

You aren't expected to buy presents for any set period of time, therefore the decision is up to you.

I would guess that the fact that you are asking the question suggests you want to stop, so stop now.

Anatidaephobia · 25 March 2015 at 2:12AM

My mum and her friend still buy presents for each other's children.

My mum's friend's eldest is in her thirties now! Years ago, my mum had a conversation with her about stopping the presents since all of the kids were adults, but her friend wanted to continue so they're still doing it even now.

duchy · 25 March 2015 at 2:24AM

Depends what relationship you have with them.
How often you see them
If they are still studying or are earning

The simple answer is "until you don't want to any more" though.

If you think eighteen is the cut off -you could buy her a token gift rather than a proper gift like her younger siblings still get if you do a "gift exchange" gathering each year for Christmas but otherwise just stop when you feel it is no longer something you want to do. A gift given unwillingly is no gift anyway.

bagby · 25 March 2015 at 2:30AM

One of my friends children 30 this year is my godchild. I stopped buying him about seven years ago. Should have stopped when they were 18 really. I didn't see them so didn't know what they used or wanted. Friend was still buying mine, the youngest is just eighteen, she stopped buying him two years ago which is ok with me. She has just sent him some money for his eighteenth which was really nice of her and unexpected. Just explain you think it's a good time to stop after the big 18th birthday.

mum2one · 25 March 2015 at 2:43AM

I'd go for the 18th as well, x

BrassicWoman · 25 March 2015 at 7:12AM

stop when they stop sending thank you cards

Sunny_Saver · 25 March 2015 at 7:30AM

BrassicWoman wrote: »

stop when they stop sending thank you cards

I agree, especially if the gift is only one way and they/their family do not Give you a gift.

bagpussbear · 25 March 2015 at 7:50AM

It's not being mean to stop after they are 18, after all they are not a child any more.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with/can afford.

I buy for my closest friend's children, one of which is my godchild, however after she had child number 3, I simply cannot afford to spend £30 or so on each one. So they get a tenner/voucher each now and some choccies/sweets, and when the eldest is 18 (he is 16 now) I intend to stop. Although I intend to give him something special for his 21st, but that will be it.

BigBananaFeet · 25 March 2015 at 7:54AM

I give up to their 18th birthday, also a 21st present. Both are good stopping ages, also 16, otherwise you'll be buying them presents forever!

brewerdave · 25 March 2015 at 8:20AM

We have an "agreement" within our families, that pressies for nephews and nieces stop @ 18 -so the same would apply for friends kids( if we had any under 25 of course !!)
I'm now battling with my wife over pressies for our daughters and son in laws -they are all over 30 and she still wants to buy b'day and Xmas pressies -signed The Grinch:rotfl:

When should I stop buying presents for my friend's children?

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