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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?
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Former_MSE_Rebecca
Posts: 173 Forumite
My best friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I'm thrilled but worried about how much it's going to cost. Should I be expected to foot the bill for the dress? And if so does that mean I get to choose it or is this still the bride's decision?
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I think American bridesmaids often pay for their own dresses, but over here the tradition is still firmly that the bride/brides parents/whoever is funding the wedding pays. The bride gets to choose and it's poor etiquette to say you don't like it/won't wear it.
That said, with people on tight budgets these days, some British brides are asking their bridesmaids to pay for, or contribute to, the cost of their outfit, but this is not the norm and, if done, it should be made very clear (including amount) upfront with plenty of notice (ie. at the outset, when she first invites you to be her bridesmaid) You should also be given an opportunity to say you can't afford it and withdraw graciously so that the bride can choose someone else with no ill feeling on either side.
If you are unsure, you should ask, in a nice way - as soon as possible.
Edited to add:
Oops! I meant also to say that if you do pay for or contribute to your dress, you should have at least some say in it, depending on how much you are contributing - though it's still good manners to keep to the overall wedding scheme obviously.....Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s. They are broke!0 -
I have fairly firm views on this but obviously everyone is different. If the bride and/or groom want to dictate what their attendants wear then they should pay. If they're happy for the bridesmaid(s) to pick her own dress and the best man/ushers to wear suits they already have then it's up to them if they want to pay.
I'm having 3 bridesmaids and OH is having a best man and 3 ushers. I very much want to dictate on the bridesmaids, subject to what suits them and them being comfortable in the style or styles I choose. For the suits we would like the boys to match. So we're paying for everything.
However my OH's cousin married an American girl and they had their wedding in LA. She tells me it's absolutely the norm in America for attendants to buy or hire their own dresses or suits, and very unusual for the couple to pay. She said the couple do buy their attendants a generous gift though - my view on that is I'd rather they paid for my dress.0 -
I haven't heard of a bride/groom (or their families) paying for a bridesmaid dress in a long time.
I've been a bridesmaid 9 times, and bought all my own dresses, shoes, handbags, paid for hair and make up, and even paid for a town car at one.
Why not ask the bride if you need to contribute, and if you get a say in your attire? That would be the logical thing to do, but then again, MSE recently has defied all logic; the bride is the ONLY ONE with the answers, so this thread is a teensy bit pointless.0 -
I think the bride should foot the bill for everything apart from the bridesmaid shoes.Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0
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DomRavioli - Whereas I'd never heard of a bridesmaid being asked to pay for any of their outfit - including shoes and jewellery - ever, in the 40 odd years before I joined this forum
The last time I was a bridesmaid, (about 5 years ago) the bridesmaids jewellery did double duty as the small gift traditionally given to them by the bride but that's the nearest it ever got
Maybe the tradition is different in different parts of Britain?
Or maybe it's just that British brides are getting the idea from reading American Wedding Forums in recent years?
Definitely the original British tradition is that the bride pays though, as far as I am aware......Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s. They are broke!0 -
My sister will be my only bridesmaid. She won't be paying for the dress or any hair/ makeup but I will definitely let her choose as she has far better taste than I do, and a better eye for what will go well with my dress etc.0
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I think you should pay for your bridesmaids dresses, but if you can't afford to then you should be up front when you ask the person to be involved in your wedding. I also think if you are going to ask someone to pay for their own dress you should allow them to pick it, and probably think about letting them wear something they could wear again.0
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Evil_Olive wrote: »I think American bridesmaids often pay for their own dresses, but over here the tradition is still firmly that the bride/brides parents/whoever is funding the wedding pays. The bride gets to choose and it's poor etiquette to say you don't like it/won't wear it.
Definitely agree with this, and I think it also extends to hair / make up if the bride wants it done professionally. I don't think being a bridesmaid should come at a cost.0 -
My DD is getting married she is planning to pay for the dresses for the 3 bridesmaids although they have all had a say in the style and colour, her fianc! is paying for the gents outfits, 2 ushers, 2 dads a best man and his own. The girls are wearing long so they can wear whatever shoes they feel comfortable in.0
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I let my two bridesmaids pick their own outfits, as they are very different body shapes, heights, colouring etc and I wanted them to wear something they were comfortable in. However, we're paying for their dresses, flowers, hair and a necklace which will double as a gift (they're both wearing shoes they already have and doing their own make-up). I agree with those who said they shouldn't have to pay up; they're paying enough to come to the wedding and for the hen night without the expense of a new outfit on top! I know they could choose to do that if they were just normal guests but equally if I'm making them wear something they might not have I should foot the bill.
In answer to the question: ask the bride! But do it sooner rather than later in case she does say "Yes you're paying for everything" so you have time to save if needed..."A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion LannisterMarried my best friend 1st November 2014Loose = the opposite of tight (eg "These trousers feel a little loose")Lose = the opposite of find/gain (eg "I'm going to lose weight this year")0
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