Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

matt2baker

These days, its the norm to have far too many bridesmaids (not like having just the one in the good ol' days eh?). These bridesmaids want to be seen as the closest friends/family of the bride, and expect to be given the role as a right. Why? If they want to be a bridesmaid (one of many) then let them pay for their own outfits - that'll get the numbers down and make it less a 'keeping up with the Jones's' wedding where the more bridesmaids there are implies its a bigger and better wedding........

oldnewhand

It depends... on circumstances and how much each party is willing to compromise. If the bride wants a particular dress and it is expensive perhaps she should consider hiring it at her cost but if it is a dress the bridesmaid could wear on another occasion then she should pay. If money is tight maybe share the expense or think about what the day is really about rather than just looking the part!
My only experience of being a bridesmaid was nearly 50 years ago and I made the dress. I can't remember who paid for the fabric, Probably not me as I only earned £1 a week for my Saturday job, I guess the bride did. She certianly paid for me to have my hair put up and I had a diamante necklace as a gift.

pippinpuss

It has always been wedding etiquette for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. Never known a bride to pay for them.
As the bridesmaid get to keep the dress it's only right.

My daughter's have been given this honour twice & both times I paid & wouldn't think otherwise.

I hope we are not trending towards the American way of the BM choosing their own.

Mojisola

matt2baker wrote: »

These days, its the norm to have far too many bridesmaids (not like having just the one in the good ol' days eh?).

I was looking through some family photos today and there was a lovely wedding group from the 1940s - bride, groom and the seven bridesmaids.

AfroKinky1

Are you sure you are best friends? She should know how you are fixed financially and whatever questions you have should be easy to ask between besties.

Lisbon

You're part of her theatrical event(!), so she pays. Offer to pay for the shoes to show willing (and because you almost certainly will be able to wear those again, even if you have to have them dyed later).

cte1111

pippinpuss wrote: »

It has always been wedding etiquette for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. Never known a bride to pay for them.
As the bridesmaid get to keep the dress it's only right.

I don't agree with this, if we're talking about historical etiquette, then the bride's father would be paying for the wedding. This has gradually moved towards the family as a whole paying, with often the couple themselves funding a lot of the cost.

My daughter has been a bridesmaid a few times and I've never been asked to pay for the dress. Either the couple or the bride's parents paid. I paid for my bridesmaid when I got married, I think this is traditional personally. I chose the colour, we chose the style together.

We've had a few people with this dilemma for real on the forum in the past and it caused a lot of angst for the bridesmaid and had an impact on their friendship. It's a shame as weddings should ideally be a nice celebration not a cause of worry and conflict.

Mojisola

cte1111 wrote: »

We've had a few people with this dilemma for real on the forum in the past and it caused a lot of angst for the bridesmaid and had an impact on their friendship. It's a shame as weddings should ideally be a nice celebration not a cause of worry and conflict.

This is why it's essential to talk about what's expected - it's obvious from the range of replies on here that there isn't a "norm" so the bride and the bridesmaid could be thinking two completely different things are "normal".

The OP should ask her friend exactly what costs are involved so that she knows if she can afford to take on the role.

Also - from previous posts on here - the bride's expectations may change as the wedding costs mount so be warned that you might suddenly be asked to pay for things that you thought were going to be paid for by the bride and groom.

jaibaby

When I get married (should that be if??) I would only have my daughters as bridesmaids due to the fact of costs.

If you've been asked to be a bridesmaid then either the bride & groom should pay or you should be able to wear your own choice of clothing. (I love the way almost everyone keeps saying "The bride should pay" - are we still that traditional?)

However, I agree with others, the only way to find out is ask the bride herself

Buzzybee90

I was recently a bridesmaid, my dress was paid for but I bought shoes and bag. We were allowed our own jewellery, so that was all fine. Hair and make up was done by family and friends.

I will pay for my bridesmaids outfits.