Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

minerva_windsong

suchgreatheights wrote: »

If it is a travel-to destination, accommodation should also be paid for.

Genuine question: what counts as a 'travel-to' destination? Just abroad or not in your hometown? I ask because so far I haven't been to any weddings that took place in the town where the couple lived (though quite a few in the town where their parents live/where they grew up) and I think that's fairly common these days as people move away for university, to work etc. If it's abroad though I do agree you should be paying for accommodation and the flights too if possible, or at the very least giving people plenty of notice so they can save if they want to come (but on the understanding that they're also more likely to say they can't make it).

Marshmallow82

pippinpuss wrote: »

It has always been wedding etiquette for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. Never known a bride to pay for them.
As the bridesmaid get to keep the dress it's only right.

It has never been British etiquette for bridesmaids to pay for their own dress. You probably watch too much American tv like my friend who has started calling her bag a purse:mad:

AmyTurtle

Haha like the Elvis idea! My OH is just a gentle giant, really laid back and relaxed. He didn't even really get annoyed about it, it was me that was furious! Especially since the same year I was bridesmaid for my best friend and she paid for our dresses, shoes, accessories and for our hair to be done - everything basically.

seven-day-weekend

UK Wedding Etiquette:

http://www.themill.co.uk/wedding-trivia/wedding-etiquette

From this it can be seen that in the UK it is traditional for the bride's family (which will include the bride herself) to pay for bridesmaid's dresses.

If you are having a traditional wedding that is what you should do. End of discussion.

ptrichardson

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

UK Wedding Etiquette:

http://www.themill.co.uk/wedding-trivia/wedding-etiquette

From this it can be seen that in the UK it is traditional for the bride's family (which will include the bride herself) to pay for bridesmaid's dresses.

If you are having a traditional wedding that is what you should do. End of discussion.

Even if its not tradition, how can you morally ask someone to help you on your wedding day, then dictate which dress they have to buy, then ask them to pay!

That's logically bonkers :rotfl:

gayleygoo

I'm due to be a bridesmaid soon, and having seen the cost of bridesmaid dresses in the wedding shops, the cost of most of them might have made me unsure about being a bridesmaid! I would still do it of course, because I love my friend, but would like to have enough input on the dress that it wouldn't put me in debt! It's not been an issue though, as my friend insisted on paying for everything, and let us have quite a free reign with dress styles too She paid for shoes and make-up etc too, which us bridesmaids were happy to pay for ourselves if she'd [STRIKE]asked [/STRIKE]let us.

Perhaps most bridemaids in the UK do keep their dresses, but I would understand too if the bride - having paid for them - wanted to sell them after to recoup some of the costs. This would have to be clear from early on though, as would any expectation of a bridesmaid to pay for her own dress.

sarahlondon24

I've been a bridesmaid twice and I would never expect to be asked to pay for the dresses. Not only have my friends paid for the dress and shoes but also the hair and make up of the bridesmaids and mother of the bride. It is the bride and groom's big day and if they want it how they imagined it then it tends to cost money. We were also given lovely jewellry to wear on the day which matched our dresses and were for us to keep. That has happened on both occassion and that was one Irish and one English wedding.

I understand the whole American system but at the American wedding I went to they were just told to buy a black dress and each of the 5 bridesmaids wore a different dress - I wouldn't object to that as you can dictate your own budget and can use it again but to spend £300-£500 on a dress you may never wear again for someone else's wedding just seems insane to me.

I also agreed with the above poster, as the bride bought the dress they own it and if they want to sell it on to recoup some of the costs I wouldn't have an objection what so ever. I asked the bride at the last wedding as I didn't want to assume but we were told to keep them.