Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

consumers_revenge

I has same thing but for an usher. They then asked me to pay. Refused and told them I just bought a brand new suit and could I wear that? ( I didn't really buy one but would of if he said that's ok as I would use it lots afterward)

They didn't want me to be an usher in the end.

If the bride and groom want to dictate how they want people to look then they should make sure they can afford it.

If I wanted someone to be at my wedding, then they can wear whatever is their choice as I want the person to be with me, not their clothes.

However if they were dressed in bright yellow or something they might not make all my final wedding pics.

CR

seven-day-weekend

If you want the attendants to wear something you have chosen at your wedding (bride or groom), then you should pay for it.

Elisecas

The best compromise I ever saw was the bride who gave her 5 sisters a bolt of the same material (which she had chosen) and asked them to get their material made into a dress they'd like to wear. Different body shapes and preferences were therefore catered for and the bride still got a cohesive look in her wedding party pictures.

I also happen to know that she said, when she handed over the bolt, that if there were any worries about getting their dress made or paying for it, that she was happy to organise that with them. Thus she did pay for some and not for others.

macca9

Having just paid for a wedding, I understand both sides of the argument, as it became a sticking point between my new wife and I. Should we ask people to pay or not?
Everything depends upon the budget of the bride and groom I guess, and in the end, we asked bridesmaids to pay for the dress, while we paid for their shoes, headpieces, makeup and other small gifts.
The one thing I would say to take into account is that, as soon as people mention wedding, suppliers up the price of everything, and yes, you may be asked to foot a bill for the dress, but the couple may be paying for the service, for a car to get you there, for the wedding breakfast, the entertainment to keep you enjoying the day... this came to over £100 per person to be at the day for us... so there is a tradeoff.
Usually guests at a wedding give a gift, a tradeoff could be that if you are buying the dress, give a token gift...
Either way, the only correct answer on here is to ask the bride. Best of luck.

iclayt

MSE_Rebecca wrote: »

My best friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I'm thrilled but worried about how much it's going to cost. Should I be expected to foot the bill for the dress? And if so does that mean I get to choose it or is this still the bride's decision?

If the bride is truly your best friend there should be no hesitation to ask if she already has a dress picked out and whether or not you will be expected to pay. Tradition is all very well but a lot of brides are doing their own thing these days, it can all get a bit unpredictable.

If you're the only bridesmaid I think that gives you more of a chance to have some input into choosing the dress and there's no reason you can't find an affordable one.

My OH will be her best friend's bridesmaid in January, along with another girl. The bride picked the dresses, and luckily paid for them - but they were in the sale from Debenhams, and if the girls had been expected to pay for their own, probably wouldn't have cost much more than a new outfit for the day anyway.

I think you're jumping the gun a bit. Have a conversation!

pennypinchUK

Convention says the dress is paid for by the father of the bride/bride/groom. So no, you shouldn't be expected to pay for your dress.

Occasionally, people get married on a shoestring and then ask others up front to make some form of contribution, in which case you make a decision up front whether you want to incur that commitment/obligation.

She's your best friend, so presumably you can have an open and honest conversation with her?

seven-day-weekend

macca9 wrote: »

Having just paid for a wedding, I understand both sides of the argument, as it became a sticking point between my new wife and I. Should we ask people to pay or not?
Everything depends upon the budget of the bride and groom I guess, and in the end, we asked bridesmaids to pay for the dress, while we paid for their shoes, headpieces, makeup and other small gifts.
The one thing I would say to take into account is that, as soon as people mention wedding, suppliers up the price of everything, and yes, you may be asked to foot a bill for the dress, but the couple may be paying for the service, for a car to get you there, for the wedding breakfast, the entertainment to keep you enjoying the day... this came to over £100 per person to be at the day for us... so there is a tradeoff.
Usually guests at a wedding give a gift, a tradeoff could be that if you are buying the dress, give a token gift...
Either way, the only correct answer on here is to ask the bride. Best of luck.

It's your wedding. If you want those things, you should pay for them. You don't have to have cars, or bridesmaids. Why should someone have to fork out so that YOU can have a bit of bling?

IMHO.

scottishlass

Having just got married - I paid for all the Bridesmaids dresses (although they were given a choice of which dress they wanted), and the Ushers/Father of the bride/nephews kilt hire (they had no choice!) the only thing I asked the older bridesmaids to do was to buy/use their own shoes as I'd rather they be comfy in them etc, the little ones had theirs bought and paid for be me.

aliphil

When I got married a few years ago, the consensus seemed to be that if you expected your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, it should be something they were happy to wear again. Having said that, we did pay for my bridesmaids' dresses, but because they weren't traditional ones they were a lot cheaper.

Macca9, there are plenty of ways to make your wedding more affordable; it's not fair to pass your costs on to your friends.

hotdiggerdy

When my daughter asked her two friends to be bridesmaids they both asked if they could pay for the dresses themselves. i said no as i felt that as the father of the bride it was my responsibility. They then asked to contribute to the cost of the dresses, shoes etc. and, again, i thanked them but politely refused. They have both been with my daughter when she went to pick out the bridesmaid dresses, they both love them and it was a collective decision between all three as to what would go well and what wouldnt. For them the shopping and choosing was exciting and has contributed greatly to the wedding as a whole for all three of them.
It depends on your finances, relationship with your bridesmaids etc etc. This worked for my Daughter.