Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

Rufus20

If she is choosing the dress you have to wear then the bride should pay. If you are choosing your dress and she has asked you to pay then fair enough.

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses but I forced them to wear what I wanted them to.

Cimscate

so talk to her for goodness sake!

GwylimT

I think if someone is invited to be a bridesmaid or usher etc the bride or groom should pay for the outfit they are required to wear, after all you wouldn't invite a guest and expect them to pay for their food, table decorations or favour.

My wife's sister got married a few years ago, not only did she expect her bridal party to pay for their outfits, they were also expected to pay for their hair to be done by a hair dresser, she also wanted them to pay to stay at the venue the night before the wedding. If my wife had said yes it would have cost her more than a months wages!

moonjooce

I got married last year and wouldn't have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. That's an awful position to put someone in, ask them to be bridesmaid (hard to say no to) and then expect them to pay a few hundred for their outfit. Mine wore their own shoes that they already had but I paid for dresses and hair etc. I did make sure when picking their dresses that they all liked them and were comfy and that the same style was flattering on them all (different shapes and sizes). It's just one of the things you budget for in a wedding!

wishus

I got married last year and had 2 little bridesmaids. I bought their whole outfits. I also asked my friend to be matron of honour. she offered to pay for her outfit as a gift to me, which was lovely. I was very grateful. I let her choose something she could wear again. Why not!

Hails1309

I was a bridesmaid at my brothers wedding recently and they paid for dress, shoes, bag, hair and makeup. All bridesmaids were given a "gift" of a bracelet before the wedding, to be worn that day.


Brides friend is American and her dress was paid for by the bride, even though the bride had to pay for her bridesmaid dress when the roles were reversed a couple of years ago. Personally, I would have made her cough up...


My OH and about 5 of our friends were ushers a few years ago for another friend. They were only told they would be paying for their suit hire, when they arrived at the shop for the fitting! Very rude. They all paid for their suit hire, but the couple getting married were given less money as their present. We were all of the opinion that they hadn't been upfront and we'd paid out to make their photos look nice - therefore that is part of their wedding present.

coolreb1

No, if they want you to be a bridesmaid and match the bridal party then they pay for the dress at least. By definition as a bridesmaid you are going to be helping them out before the day and on the day. Surely you are a close friend or relative so should be able to talk about this openly, but be upfront it'll be worse later and may create unnecessary stress and resentment
I got married in June and had 2 bridesmaids, we shopped together and bought the dresses from Debenhams so not too expensive and can be worn again, we shopped together and discussed style and colour and made sure everyone was happy -I would never ask someone to wear something they hated or didn't look right.
They wore their own shoes and jewellery and this made them look individual as well.

tallgirld

I would ask her how much if anything will it cost? If she's your best friend I doubt she will mind you asking.

I was a bridesmaid once and had to pay for my own dress, shoes the lot! What made it worse is I was only asked to be one because the FIRST CHOICE dropped out!!! The cheek of it!!

Mojisola

Cimscate wrote: »

so talk to her for goodness sake!

Agree - and ask her to be very clear with you about anything she expects you to pay for - dress, make-up, hair, accessories, hotel rooms, transport, etc.

You can then decide whether you can afford to be part of her wedding.

gaving7095

My personal view is that it's super-cheeky for somebody to ask you to help finance their big day.

Only you can judge how offended your friend may be if you say that you can't pay. If you really can't afford it any good friend would understand, although if the bride can't afford it either she may have to find somebody else who can to replace you!

If you ARE going to pay, obviously make sure you know the total cost up-front. Would the dress be suitable for other occasions? If it's going to make a nice addition to your wardrobe then that makes the whole thing more acceptable.

I am intrigued as to why the dresses can't just be rented? The only answer I can think of is that the bride is being particular about which dresses should be worn - which forms the basis of why she should pay in my opinion.

The other thing is eBay! You may be surprised on the variety & quality of dresses which can be bought from China via eBay for well under £50 all-in. My wife did this, used the dress once (a rather fetching if somewhat garish bright orange number) & then sold it - on eBay - for only about £10 less than she'd bought it for as people will pay more for "UK stock" :-D