Money Moral Dilemma: Should I offer to pay for my bridesmaid dress?

seven-day-weekend

ninjablossom wrote: »

Agreed with the others if its a big massive wedding and the Bride wants all bridesmaids the same and is making them wear her choice - bride/groom should pay. Give the bridal party a choice and then they pay.

But saying that... when you're invited to a wedding as a guest it becomes a costly affair anyway. Through buying a present, travel costs, drink. Plus I've been to 4 weddings in the last 4 years and 2 have already split up, so most weddings just seem like a party to show off. (Pretty sure my parents generation went for simple but small white weddings and a church hall reception, and still remained married for years - so when did massive expensive do's become the norm?)

The big wedding traditions should be done away with

I have just been to a wedding as a guest. It cost: £30 for new dress, which I can wear again. £55 for B&B. About a tenner for fuel.
Didn't spend anything at reception, drank water (sparkling, provided at tables) and juice (provided throughout evening). Present cost nothing - it's one of my husband's paintings in a frame that was provided.

MSE wedding guest

blackcateddie

My PA just got married, had four older bridesmaids all of which were given a gorgeous Coast dress, by the bride's auntie. These were £180, were in a neutral colour and easily wearable again to any formal occasion.

The thing that made me giggle was one of the ladies concerned was a little bit more voluptuous than the rest and decided that she needed her gown altering - the alterations alone cost £150 because she had to have the dress practically remade to suit what she wanted. The auntie paying for these wasn't consulted and so spent some time telling me what a selfish person the bridesmaid was because they ended up changing the dress beyond recognition and she thought it was a bit much that she couldn't just slim down an inch or two and look like the other bridesmaid:rotfl::rotfl:

I compared it with my wedding where I bought my sis an gorgeous purple silk suit from Monsoon, and we've both worn it countless numbers of times since!:j

I think if you're the bridesmaid, you know weddings aren't cheap so think twice before you go demanding things, just for an outfit likely to be worn once.

tatabubbly

We are getting married next year and all I have bought for the bridesmaids has been paid by us... Everything bought in sales so the prices haven't been too bad, got them dresses, jewellery, homemade hanger, make up bags, shawls and my mum is getting them some nice pjs as we are having a nice sleepover the night before...

I haven't found shoes for them yet so they may have to buy them as they might not be comfy in ones I buy!

Paying for the groomsmen stuff as well but as I see it, it's our wedding and it's us dictating so we should be paying.

ali-t

Paulaviki wrote: »

I think you should pay for your bridesmaids dresses, but if you can't afford to then you should be up front when you ask the person to be involved in your wedding. I also think if you are going to ask someone to pay for their own dress you should allow them to pick it, and probably think about letting them wear something they could wear again.

I am of the view that if the bride can't afford to buy bridesmaid dresses she shouldn't have bridesmaids.

ambyence

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses because I chose them (trying to get five girls to agree on style, colour etc, even after I said to them they could have different colours and styles). They were tailor made as only one fitted a "standard" size. Note to self - if you ask your photogenic friends to be bridesmaids they will stand out in the photos ... They cost about £35 each. By this point the original Matron of Honour was very pregnant so had stepped down from bridesmaidery (first baby's first time on a ferry, 3 weeks old on our wedding day. I was amazed they turned up!) Other friend had said she couldn't afford the dress, so was a proxy bridesmaid in a dress she borrowed from model friend bridesmaid's mum. They all wore their own shoes and accessories in colours they liked and they all looked great. My MIL paid for the flower girls' dresses in a fit of ooh-they-are-so-cuteness. My husband organised most of it (my one request was Bouncy Castle or I'm Not Turning Up). Hardly anyone danced and the free bar got well used :beer:. We didn't need the back up generator that we got at the last minute. Everyone started disappearing about 10pm. We got home at midnight & had to be back at the venue at 7am to clear up. It was fun but I wouldn't want to do it again. I got my bouncy castle though. That was cool :j All in all we spent 6K. Not great, but not too bad :money: It's just one day.

SayaF

I do think that brides/grooms can't expect people to spend a fortune on their big day, it's expensive enough just being a guest!

However, I was a bridesmaid last year and I offered to pay for my own dress. I knew my friend was on a very tight budget, and as she let me choose whatever dress I wanted, it seemed the nice thing to do. In the end we found a lovely dress on ASOS for £48, shortening it cost £12 and I reused shoes I already owned.

However if she had wanted me to wear a specific dress, or insisted on something expensive I would have expected her to pay herself.

Talk to your friend, if you're close, you should be able to have an honest discussion about this

Good luck!

dickavis

As someone with a daughter who may or may not get married within the next couple of years, I couldn't care less whether the girls have dresses they would wear in the future or just for the one off, that bill is mine, and no one else's. It's incredibly offensive to invite someone to help make your day more special and then send them the bill. Luckily my daughter has her feet on the ground, and would be able understand how to get just right the balance between having one special day, not expecting guests and friends to be out of pocket, and not mortgaging the future. Proud dad don't really sum it up. As a footnote, my Mum was an outstandingly good seamstress and made my wife's wedding dress for £35 in 1985. We put a cash sum behind the bar in the evening which lasted most of the night but when that ran out (fairly close to closing time so we were almost right with the amount) my Dad was sat at the bar and paid for every drink bought for the last hour of the evening. Added to that my wife's parents didn't take any housekeeping from her for the six months between the engagement and the wedding. We're duty bound to pass on that sort of generosity. The bill for the car is mine too, the only things I wouldn't pay for would be the guys' suits and cars, and the honeymoon.

AmyTurtle

My partner was a best man a couple of years ago for a friend of his. There were 3 best men and it wasn't until the day they all went suit shopping together that they were all informed they were expected to pay half the cost. I thought it was a bit cheeky since buying was so much more expensive than hiring from Moss Bros. I was even more furious when they bought skinny fit royal blue suits (my OH is a big bloke) which didn't go up to my OH's size. The bride's solution was to buy an extra pair of trousers which a seamstress then turned in to 1 bigger pair, with 3 seams up the bum which looked absolutely ridiculous. One seam split before the service was even over and he was left with a damaged suit in a ridiculous colour which he can never wear again but forked out over £100 for! This on top of a 4 day stag do abroad, followed by another expensive stag do in the UK for people who couldn't go to the other one, travel, hotel stay and gift!

Ruby_Roo

AmyTurtle wrote: »

My partner was a best man a couple of years ago for a friend of his. There were 3 best men and it wasn't until the day they all went suit shopping together that they were all informed they were expected to pay half the cost. I thought it was a bit cheeky since buying was so much more expensive than hiring from Moss Bros. I was even more furious when they bought skinny fit royal blue suits (my OH is a big bloke) which didn't go up to my OH's size. The bride's solution was to buy an extra pair of trousers which a seamstress then turned in to 1 bigger pair, with 3 seams up the bum which looked absolutely ridiculous. One seam split before the service was even over and he was left with a damaged suit in a ridiculous colour which he can never wear again but forked out over £100 for! This on top of a 4 day stag do abroad, followed by another expensive stag do in the UK for people who couldn't go to the other one, travel, hotel stay and gift!

Jeez that's some story. Why would someone think it's okay to treat your closest friends this way?

Islandmaid

Hi,

We,re getting married on Saturday, and we included bestman/bridesmaid outfits in our budget, as well as taxi,s (well minibus) too and fro for all, so they can drink n have fun - we did stick to a guest list of 20 for the main event, so we could afford a really good meal with booze etc and we,re chucking a good amount behind the bar for friends who wish to join us for the evening doo - its all come in at just under £2500 and that includes the wedding night plus another at a 'secret' venue.

I cannot understand why you would put anyone under pressure to stump up a small fortune to be part of your day - if money is an issue for the bride and groom - be upfront about it, then everyone understands and can say no without any hard feelings.

And as for the skinny suit story - your poor bloke, I would have turned up elvis style just to make a point