Stress / Anxiety - I need help!!

learning_to_drive · 25 November 2006 at 11:44AM

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=296115

Link to my thread, previous one that I wrote around 2 weeks ago or so.

I have started at FD, it's not for me at all, I have had some stress / anxiety issues in the past, and they have returned here at this job.

Basically, I worked at Sainsbury's for 4.5 years, grew up in the store, then I moved to Dewsbury, and that happened at the same time as a lot of other things, i.e. new car, g/f moving away etc, i became really stressed out and had anxiety all the time, worrying about things.

I've been at FD a week, and the same has happened again, the doctor couldn't believe that I had moved jobs so soon after what happened last time, and recommended that I go back to my old place of work (they did leave the offer open) until I am better, could be anything up to a year.

That means a lower income, that admittedly is the least of my worries, it sounds daft but I need to get myself better, because I am not looking at anything else, its strictly on a day by day basis.

I have no idea why I am putting this, maybe for a bit of support, so when I sort everything out, I can sort out my financial issues, I just feel really stressed / exhausted, I am on medication, but I need to get back within a comfortable surroundings until I am properly better.

I wasn't better when I moved, I thought i was, but I just came off my medication and didnt go back and see the doctor.

I'll keep updating this, it helps me, but I'm only 21 and I feel worried all the time, about everything, even strange things, I know the income will be a drop, but with good financial management I can be fine.

I dont like FD, its making me ill, stressed out again, I just need to sort myself out.

Anyone with offer of help, stories, please feel free to bring them to the table.

I'm not sure of the entire point of this thread, I just need some help really, Im sure people must have gone through a similar thing before.

babes21 · 25 November 2006 at 11:55AM

Hiya learning_to_drive

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time at the moment, i'm the same age as you and i know that sometimes things can become a little too much, we have all these expectations of where we should be etc and i'm afraid at times this is all a little unrealistic.

My advice would be to take one step at a time, tackle each problem step by step, you're still young and have plenty of time to grow and find yourself once again.

This new job isn't making you happy, so maybe going back to your old one will be the best thing to do and a good place to start with the "new you", your health and happiness is the most important thing at the moment and you need to concentrate on that.

I'm sure things will work out just right in the end, you just need time.

Good luck and keep us updated in how you get on x

MinnieSpender · 25 November 2006 at 12:03PM

Hi learning_to_drive

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering from problems with anxiety and stress but I've very glad to hear that you have a decent doctor who seems to be giving you sensible advice.

I'm concerned that you came off your medication without discussing it first with your doctor (sorry if I've got that wrong). I take it you were taking some kind of AD? They should always be stopped gradually by cutting down the dose and with your doc's supervision (I speak from experience - trust me!)

Is FD a call centre? I've worked in many of those and they are extremely stressful. Did you know that the average "life" of a call centre worker is six months? You're not the only one to feel stressed in a job like this. Stick anyone in a room with no windows, chain them to a computer and bung a headset on them, then give them targets - :eek:

Take your doc's advice. Go back to your old job, even if the money is less. Your health is far more important than anything else. If you were happy there and surrounded by friends it has to be worth more than cold, hard cash.

On another note, in some ways it's good that you're so young. You can use this experience of stress/anxiety and learn how to manage it for life. Has your doc suggested any kind of talking therapy? A counsellor might help and CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) can be very useful in stress-related disorders. Basically, CBT will give you the tools to "spot" stressful situations and help you to change the way you react to them. There are interactive internet sites which would give you a flavour of what this is all about, but working with a counsellor is probably the best way to do this.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do regarding the job. Do come back regularly - you'll get wonderful support from the people on here. We do know how you're feeling.

bizzylizzy · 25 November 2006 at 12:05PM

learning_to_drive wrote:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=296115

Link to my thread, previous one that I wrote around 2 weeks ago or so.

I have started at FD, it's not for me at all, I have had some stress / anxiety issues in the past, and they have returned here at this job.

Basically, I worked at Sainsbury's for 4.5 years, grew up in the store, then I moved to Dewsbury, and that happened at the same time as a lot of other things, i.e. new car, g/f moving away etc, i became really stressed out and had anxiety all the time, worrying about things.

I've been at FD a week, and the same has happened again, the doctor couldn't believe that I had moved jobs so soon after what happened last time, and recommended that I go back to my old place of work (they did leave the offer open) until I am better, could be anything up to a year.

That means a lower income, that admittedly is the least of my worries, it sounds daft but I need to get myself better, because I am not looking at anything else, its strictly on a day by day basis.

I have no idea why I am putting this, maybe for a bit of support, so when I sort everything out, I can sort out my financial issues, I just feel really stressed / exhausted, I am on medication, but I need to get back within a comfortable surroundings until I am properly better.

I wasn't better when I moved, I thought i was, but I just came off my medication and didnt go back and see the doctor.

I'll keep updating this, it helps me, but I'm only 21 and I feel worried all the time, about everything, even strange things, I know the income will be a drop, but with good financial management I can be fine.

I dont like FD, its making me ill, stressed out again, I just need to sort myself out.

Anyone with offer of help, stories, please feel free to bring them to the table.

I'm not sure of the entire point of this thread, I just need some help really, Im sure people must have gone through a similar thing before.

The best advice I got at an extremely stressful time in my life was from a nurse (doing an ECG as my heart rate was all over the place). She heard my story and said "be kind to yourself".

So, if your new job is making you so ill then you be kind to yourself. If you know you need to leave to keep your health, then leave.

Keep in touch with your doctor and do what he/she tells you, take your medication and NEVER just stop without consulting them first.

Is there anyone you can talk things over with? Family, close friends? That can really help, even if they can't change the situation you won't feel so alone.

Keep posting if it helps too. xx

learning_to_drive · 25 November 2006 at 12:25PM

I know, but my worry then is, what happens if I go back but can't change ever again?

Everyone has said same, g/f, parents say I cant go back, because I will never be able to leave then.

ktb · 25 November 2006 at 12:31PM

Hey l_t_d .... you really have my sympathy. I have been suffering from stress and anxiety this year and its awful! Totally life changing. All you can do it take things one day at a time, not let things build up to insurmountable levels in your head - with the right support and frame of mind any problem can be overcome eventually. Maybe not today or tomorrow but things will get better and you will be able to break your financial issues into smaller chunks and sort them out.

There has been some good advice on your other thread, just be sensible and cancel/tackle all your unnessessary expenses as soon as you possibly can (mobiles/car etc), try not too let things get too much and bury your head in the sand and dont expect miracles overnight. This may take a while to sort out - but that is OK. At least you are aware of your problems and although you may not have the resources mentally or financially to deal with them all right now your awareness means they WILL be sorted eventually.

Good luck... and remember to breathe! What bizzylizzy said about being kind to yourself is very wise indeed.

bizzylizzy · 25 November 2006 at 12:33PM

learning_to_drive wrote:

I know, but my worry then is, what happens if I go back but can't change ever again?

Everyone has said same, g/f, parents say I cant go back, because I will never be able to leave then.

As you are only 21 then I think "never" is a bit drastic. You are still changing and growing inside and you may need the security of your old job at the moment.
I am a parent to 2 children older than you and have seen them change and become more sure of themselves as they grew older. You could just need time to become more confident in yourself.
Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself! Have another chat to your doctor too.

learning_to_drive · 25 November 2006 at 12:49PM

Sainsbury's will let me go back it appears, my g/f says she will lose all respect for me if I do, but then she said she was being moody and was sorry for not understanding. She cant understand why I am so unable to change.

In fairness, neither do i, but I just cannot go on like I am.

bizzylizzy · 25 November 2006 at 12:54PM

learning_to_drive wrote:

Sainsbury's will let me go back it appears, my g/f says she will lose all respect for me if I do, but then she said she was being moody and was sorry for not understanding. She cant understand why I am so unable to change.

In fairness, neither do i, but I just cannot go on like I am.

Don't worry about it, go back, feel better and start to enjoy life again.

If Sainsburys are offering your job back to you, and that is where you feel secure then go!

You have plenty of time to change - but at your own pace.

misfire · 25 November 2006 at 1:05PM

I hate the 'once gone never go back' attitude. I left my first real job after uni after 5 years to have a baby - i was unable to go back to work (due to medical reasons) but did go back after a year off to a different position in the same company. I felt like i had 'left and cut all ties' but it was good going back - i felt secure-knew what i was doing and they were pleased to have me back!

Our i.t guy also left he was back 18 months later - again it worked for him and them ..he had got sick of commuting to the new job - so the pay cut didnt matter to him he wanted his quality of life back.

There is no shame in going back IF it suits you and if YOU do it for YOU - at the end of the day it doesnt matter what others think it is you who has to go to work every day. Your GF and parents should understand your reasons even if they dont agree with you i am sure they will support you. You can always leave again when you are better or when you find a new job that wont stress you out.

Try focusing on the postitive out of the job dilema - you are obviously a really good employee otherwise sainsbury wouldnt want you back.

Take it one step at a time, day by day and it will be easier.

MinnieSpender · 25 November 2006 at 1:25PM

learning_to_drive wrote:

Sainsbury's will let me go back it appears, my g/f says she will lose all respect for me if I do, but then she said she was being moody and was sorry for not understanding. She cant understand why I am so unable to change.

In fairness, neither do i, but I just cannot go on like I am.

Firstly, at 21, going back but thinking you'll never get out again is a tad dramatic. Sorry - I know you're feeling bad and I don't mean to upset you, but see this return as a respite to get your health back. THEN worry about your next move.

At 21 I was in a right state. I'd left a degree course and ended up living with a nice(ish) but rather unsupportive BF and doing mundane temporary jobs. I started going to night school to give me a bit of oomph and ended up going back to uni at 24 (best thing I ever did). I fell into a great job at 27 (but I knew it wouldn't suit me for life), did a career change at 29, went back to study at 30, another career change at 31, a rethink at 37, back to study and now I'm back to temping but studying as well and loving it. I've finally decided what I want to do and all the experience I've gained along the way is helping in ways I never knew it would or could. And it's been a fantastic journey. If you'd asked me how I thought my life would be at 21, I would have burst into tears and not had a clue.

Your girlfriend needs a kick up the a*se, in my humble opinion. It's not her job to make you feel worse by telling you she'll lose respect for you. She should be concerned about your health and happiness. In fact, why haven't you lost respect for her for saying something like that?

Personally, I have the utmost respect for you for coming on here and asking for help and advice. That takes guts. Put yourself first (and that way other people will too) and as others have said:

Be Kind To Yourself

Best wishes
Mins x

Stress / Anxiety - I need help!!

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