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Feeling rich and lost...
Despera
Posts: 71 Forumite
Please don't laugh and tell me to come to my senses. I really, really need somebody to tell me that I have every reason to be happy because somehow all I feel is sadness and tiredness and disappointment.
I am 32, married, with two kids and a terribly hectic lifestyle. I work full-time on a junior position at a grand organisation and earn 28K plus I am a self-employed writer which brings me further 15K pa. My OH is on 40K. I work a lot, sometimes through the night because I have to meet the deadline and often go on 3-4 hours of sleep per night. I also do the school runs. Somehow it's Ok because I enjoy earning money.
The trouble is, since I took this full-time job 5 months ago, our quality of life hasn’t improved much. We are in the process of buying house and are going for the same kind that we wanted to buy when I didn't have my full-time salary, which is a modest (but nice and fairly spacious) 3-bed ex-council semi for 300K. The houses which are fundamentally different and nice and detached are 450K+ and we STILL cannot afford it, even with our 90K savings.
My car is 8 years old and is worth approx. £800, it is quite tired inside and a bit beaten on the outside - but it is so reliable it doesn't make sense to replace it just yet.
I was hoping to get my daughter (4 y.o.) into a private school because I had promised myself that if was going to earn good money I would spend it on the right education for her. But our area is obviously going through a baby boom and both nearest girls' schools had 2-3 applications per place for the reception year. Unbelievable. She didn't get in. I cannot consider schools a bit further away because then I wouldn't make it to work on time. I feel so disappointed I am close to my tears.
So here I am. I guess the confusion is that I expected an increased income to make some positive changes in my life. But so far it brought the stress of commuting, less time with my family and less sleep. My salary of £1,750 pcm stays in the bank because I don't even need to touch it; we have enough to live on. So I guess it will be spent on mortgage overpayments.
I do realise that we are VERY lucky to have good jobs, good incomes, healthy and happy kids and happy family. I guess I just cannot help but wonder what all this hard work and all this money is for...
Sorry for the long post, I needed to get it out. Somebody has any thoughts?
I am 32, married, with two kids and a terribly hectic lifestyle. I work full-time on a junior position at a grand organisation and earn 28K plus I am a self-employed writer which brings me further 15K pa. My OH is on 40K. I work a lot, sometimes through the night because I have to meet the deadline and often go on 3-4 hours of sleep per night. I also do the school runs. Somehow it's Ok because I enjoy earning money.
The trouble is, since I took this full-time job 5 months ago, our quality of life hasn’t improved much. We are in the process of buying house and are going for the same kind that we wanted to buy when I didn't have my full-time salary, which is a modest (but nice and fairly spacious) 3-bed ex-council semi for 300K. The houses which are fundamentally different and nice and detached are 450K+ and we STILL cannot afford it, even with our 90K savings.
My car is 8 years old and is worth approx. £800, it is quite tired inside and a bit beaten on the outside - but it is so reliable it doesn't make sense to replace it just yet.
I was hoping to get my daughter (4 y.o.) into a private school because I had promised myself that if was going to earn good money I would spend it on the right education for her. But our area is obviously going through a baby boom and both nearest girls' schools had 2-3 applications per place for the reception year. Unbelievable. She didn't get in. I cannot consider schools a bit further away because then I wouldn't make it to work on time. I feel so disappointed I am close to my tears.
So here I am. I guess the confusion is that I expected an increased income to make some positive changes in my life. But so far it brought the stress of commuting, less time with my family and less sleep. My salary of £1,750 pcm stays in the bank because I don't even need to touch it; we have enough to live on. So I guess it will be spent on mortgage overpayments.
I do realise that we are VERY lucky to have good jobs, good incomes, healthy and happy kids and happy family. I guess I just cannot help but wonder what all this hard work and all this money is for...
Sorry for the long post, I needed to get it out. Somebody has any thoughts?
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Comments
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You sound physically exhausted - and that could be the reason that you feel tearful. The disappointment I'm sure comes from your daughter not getting in the school of your choice - but apart from appealing, theres nothing you can do about that, and no amount of money will change that.
My sister is in a similar position to you as regards finances, her OH now earns enough that she doesn't need to touch her salary - but she is able to work from home, never works in her holidays/late into the night, and has a good work/life balance so she can be there for her children when they need her. Her salary is used for the kids after-school activities, and the rest is saved.
Is there any way you could plan to cut back on some of the hectic schedule you have? You need R&R time too, otherwise you're right, whats it all for?0 -
Hi,
I suspect that you're hitting on the reason that people retire, or give up work to look after children.0 -
What would make your life better? What do you feel is missing? A struggle with money? If you want to aim for one of the nice, different houses, you need as much savings as you can scrape together, the challenge is there for you. Your daughter doesn't need a private education, in my opinion, but if you feel she does, the standard age for entry is seven so plenty of chance to plan ahead for the future there. Alternatively how about putting her name down for one when she is 11, although how you'll know her strengths and weknesses than far ahead, I don't know. Did you go to private school? If not, what do you feel it will give her? Is there no way to give her this advantage in other ways? Maybe private tutoring, summer camps etc (in the future.) Would a trip to Egypt or Londonrs offer her inspiration and fit in with the local school curriculum?
You should be really proud of the part time writing job. Would there be a chance of more money doing this if you gave up the other job? Would that be a risk you were happy to take? Would a year or so out to spend time with your children give your life meaning? If so, how does your OH feel about this?
You have plenty to feel proud of and plenty of challenges to rise to, if that is what you want. Maybe counselling could help you discover what you want, or half an hour with a close friend and/ or a piece of paper?0 -
Well good and bad there. Maybe your daughter will be bright enough to warrant a university place one day and as you will know its currently 27k + living expenses at most of them now for 3 years. Your long term goal could be to put enough away to cover that. I agree, having money isn't happiness, only a balance of money and free time can do that.0
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You are right, I am exhausted and now actually am crying after reading the first posts. It is past 10 pm and I am looking at a busy night because I have to submit a project tomorrow by 10 am. It was a new client so I couldn't turn it down.
I have never ever made that much, never thought I would. This project alone would earn me £500 for 2 days' (or rather nights') work.
Please keep your thoughts coming, I am so grateful for the external perspective.0 -
I work full-time on a junior position at a grand organisation and earn 28K plus I am a self-employed writer which brings me further 15K pa. My OH is on 40K.
I also do the school runs.
We are in the process of buying house and are going for the same kind that we wanted to buy when I didn't have my full-time salary, which is a modest (but nice and fairly spacious) 3-bed ex-council semi for 300K.
The houses which are fundamentally different and nice and detached are 450K+ and we STILL cannot afford it, even with our 90K savings.
My car is 8 years old and is worth approx. £800, it is quite tired inside and a bit beaten on the outside - but it is so reliable it doesn't make sense to replace it just yet.
So here I am. I guess the confusion is that I expected an increased income to make some positive changes in my life. But so far it brought the stress of commuting, less time with my family and less sleep.
My salary of £1,750 pcm stays in the bank because I don't even need to touch it; we have enough to live on. So I guess it will be spent on mortgage overpayments.
You are buying a house for 300K when the ones you would like cost 450K. You state you cant afford it. Then in the next few paragraphs you say you have 90K in savings and your salary of £1750 stays in the bank because you dont even need to touch it, you have enough to live on.
I take it you are not employed in some kind of financial field!!! Do the math for your own peace of mind. Going by what you have stated you can easily afford what you crave in life.
Oh and pay someone else to do the school run for you and give yourself an extra hours shut eye. You can afford that to. Sounds like you are so shattered you cant see the wood for the trees.0 -
make_me_wise wrote: »You are buying a house for 300K when the ones you would like cost 450K. You state you cant afford it. Then in the next few paragraphs you say you have 90K in savings and your salary of £1750 stays in the bank because you dont even need to touch it, you have enough to live on.
I take it you are not employed in some kind of financial field!!! Do the math for your own peace of mind. Going by what you have stated you can easily afford what you crave in life.
Oh and pay someone else to do the school run for you and give yourself an extra hours shut eye. You can afford that to. Sounds like you are so shattered you cant see the wood for the trees.
Good observation. We could afford to pay for a more expensive house. But joint mortgage multiplies are 3,5 max which in our case is 280K (and our current lender says it would lend us up to 240K). Add the deposit of 80K (10K for fees) and the max we can afford is 360K.
For this money, we can buy a detached house which will be smaller than the semi-detached we are going for, and not ex-council. In my view, not worth it.0 -
but you are happy with your choice of new home, aren't you OP?0
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How about moving out of what sounds like a commuter belt area. Buying a bigger house for the money you have been advised by mortgage advisor you can get. Hire an au pair who can do school runs/childcare so your kids can go to a school of your choice. You can then still get to work on time.
Im not trying to preach to you just throwing round some ideas. I know when you get as exhausted as you sound it can be impossible to think clearly and find resolutions. Its like a vicious circle isn't it.
Also how many mortgage advisors have you spoken to? Are they all advising the same amount they would lend you0 -
I'm astonished that an ex coucil house would be worth 300k!!!!!
You do sound exhausted.Any chance of a break to relax and decide what is most important to you and how you can achieve it?If women are birds and freedom is flight are trapped women Dodos?0
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