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    • Pa Ja
    • By Pa Ja 8th Jan 20, 8:05 PM
    • 129Posts
    • 69Thanks
    Pa Ja
    Visiting Relatives
    • #1
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:05 PM
    Visiting Relatives 8th Jan 20 at 8:05 PM
    My partner and I have differing views on whether close family (Parents/Siblings), should have to request call / message ahead of visiting our house.
    I'm quite happy for anyone to knock on the door and welcome them in whereas she hates this and would much prefer an organised date/time.
    I appreciate not everyone is the same but was curious to know what the general consensus on here is.
    Thanks
Page 1
    • Faith177
    • By Faith177 8th Jan 20, 8:08 PM
    • 2,745 Posts
    • 4,513 Thanks
    Faith177
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:08 PM
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:08 PM
    My partner and I have differing views on whether close family (Parents/Siblings), should have to request call / message ahead of visiting our house.
    I'm quite happy for anyone to knock on the door and welcome them in whereas she hates this and would much prefer an organised date/time.
    I appreciate not everyone is the same but was curious to know what the general consensus on here is.
    Thanks
    Originally posted by Pa Ja
    I have anxiety so someone just turning up would be my absolute worst nightmare

    Iím with your partner on this one
    First Date 08/11/2008, Moved In Together 01/06/2009, Engaged 01/01/10, Wedding Day 27/04/2013, Baby Moshie due 29/06/2019
    • elsien
    • By elsien 8th Jan 20, 8:11 PM
    • 20,572 Posts
    • 52,477 Thanks
    elsien
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:11 PM
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:11 PM
    As far as I'm concerned it's fine them calling in as and when if it's not every day, as long as they are equally as fine with you refusing them entry when it's not convenient, or telling them that it's time to leave when they've outstayed their welcome.
    I tend to say to parent that she's got half an hour (or whatever) then I've got things to do if she drops by in passing. And I tell her when her time is up - that may be harder for an in-law to do. But if I am busy and say that it's a bad time and she can't come in at all, she's fine with that, as she is when I call in on her.
    Calling in for meals etc is different, we prearrange that sort of thing.

    Anyone who does drop in on me needs to know that my house is a shed and may not meet their hygiene standards - if you don't want that, then don't call in on the spur of the moment. I've got better things to do than keep a tidy house "Just in case." Again, I may feel differently if I thought that in-laws were judging me. As I live on my own and it's my own family I don't care, they can like it or lump it.
    Last edited by elsien; 08-01-2020 at 8:14 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • onwards&upwards
    • By onwards&upwards 8th Jan 20, 8:13 PM
    • 1,584 Posts
    • 3,155 Thanks
    onwards&upwards
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:13 PM
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:13 PM
    I think as long as they do knock and never just walk in that’s ok, and she has every right to ignore the knock if she wants and not let them in if she doesn’t feel able.
    • 74jax
    • By 74jax 8th Jan 20, 8:23 PM
    • 5,307 Posts
    • 7,409 Thanks
    74jax
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:23 PM
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:23 PM
    My daughter has moved out but is welcome round anytime. Even if I'm not home she's welcome in.

    Other family is 3hrs away or in Ireland, so they can just turn up. But unlikely...
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
    • svain
    • By svain 8th Jan 20, 8:25 PM
    • 475 Posts
    • 878 Thanks
    svain
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:25 PM
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:25 PM
    immediate family never need to ask permission to see us or them .... in 40years I have never called ahead or even knocked to go and see my folks .... Just turn up and walk in thru the back door. It was the same arrangement with their parents. I would never enter if locked (i have a key) and they are not home

    Anyone else it is always a quick text ahead to confirm suitable time.
    Last edited by svain; 08-01-2020 at 8:27 PM.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 8th Jan 20, 8:34 PM
    • 12,652 Posts
    • 17,382 Thanks
    hazyjo
    • #7
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:34 PM
    • #7
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:34 PM
    Hate people just turning up! Happy for my other half to see me like this, but I'd at least like to change out of my trackies and do something with my hair if anyone else is coming lol!
    2019 wins: Bottle of Prosecco; Popcorn Shed popcorn; Moisturising 'M&S Time Capsules'; Case of Boost Sport + £30 Just Eat voucher; Battle Proms tickets and hotel; under-eye serum, various tools...
    • melanzana
    • By melanzana 8th Jan 20, 8:39 PM
    • 3,642 Posts
    • 9,204 Thanks
    melanzana
    • #8
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:39 PM
    • #8
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:39 PM
    I don't mind too much either way as long the unannounced visitor takes me and my house as they find me!

    However I think it is polite to send a quick text to say you are in the area and would it be convenient to pop in.
    • Mrsn
    • By Mrsn 8th Jan 20, 8:47 PM
    • 240 Posts
    • 211 Thanks
    Mrsn
    • #9
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:47 PM
    • #9
    • 8th Jan 20, 8:47 PM
    I don’t tend to mind people just rocking up but my OH prefers to know of people are coming.

    That said all of our family lives 5+ miles away so do usually confirm if they’re planning on popping over.
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 8th Jan 20, 8:48 PM
    • 3,175 Posts
    • 6,375 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    We both wouldn't like unannounced visits, from either of our families, unless it was an emergency and also wouldn't just turn up at theirs either without calling ahead.

    We always at least ring to check it's convenient first, but then we don't live just round the corner.
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 8th Jan 20, 8:50 PM
    • 6,139 Posts
    • 7,606 Thanks
    theoretica
    I prefer warning because I may have plans - or the house a tip. I am more with her, especially if she feels they are judging her on the state of the house (whether they are or not).
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • goodwithsaving
    • By goodwithsaving 8th Jan 20, 8:57 PM
    • 989 Posts
    • 1,645 Thanks
    goodwithsaving
    My parents don't mind me turning up without planning it, but I'd hate for anyone to turn up at mine unnanounced, my sisters are the same. Especially if it was in-laws.
    • Marvel1
    • By Marvel1 8th Jan 20, 9:03 PM
    • 4,661 Posts
    • 5,282 Thanks
    Marvel1
    I prefer arranged visits, any random knocks and i won't answer.
    • FtbDreaming
    • By FtbDreaming 8th Jan 20, 9:10 PM
    • 164 Posts
    • 296 Thanks
    FtbDreaming
    I dont mind if people just turn up at mine. They hardly do though. Im a visitor in the family and i just turn up all the time. Half the time they don't answer if they are out or just cant be bothered. Some of them ill text beforehand just so I'm not going out my way for a wasted journey.

    Different people have different ways.
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 8th Jan 20, 9:19 PM
    • 2,896 Posts
    • 4,011 Thanks
    comeandgo
    I'm glad to see anyone, I once even unintentionally invited Jehova Witness's in. My friends and family can call at any time. There is always food in the freezer, bed for the night and wine in the fridge. As the kids have grown up and left home house is usually tidy.
    • suki1964
    • By suki1964 8th Jan 20, 9:42 PM
    • 12,539 Posts
    • 33,440 Thanks
    suki1964
    My husbands family are very strict about ringing and arranging times to visit, week or more in advance

    Me, if they ring an say can we pop in, Id faint

    My family live in different countries so we don't just turn up. The kids, well they tend to give us 24hrs notice they are coming, but then they would be stopping over night so need beds made up etc
    if you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 9th Jan 20, 7:40 AM
    • 6,047 Posts
    • 14,050 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    Anyone who does drop in on me needs to know that my house is a shed and may not meet their hygiene standards - if you don't want that, then don't call in on the spur of the moment. I've got better things to do than keep a tidy house "Just in case."
    Originally posted by elsien
    This. So, so this.

    I'm likely to not answer the door if I'm not expecting a visitor. They need to email / text / call (in descending order of preference) first to make sure I'm home and have enough spoons.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
    • Pollyflinders
    • By Pollyflinders 9th Jan 20, 9:26 AM
    • 190 Posts
    • 529 Thanks
    Pollyflinders
    I'd just love to have any family near enough to pop in.

    I don't mind friends popping in either. Can always put the kettle on
    • flanker6
    • By flanker6 9th Jan 20, 9:54 AM
    • 61 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    flanker6
    I'd just love to have any family near enough to pop in.

    I don't mind friends popping in either. Can always put the kettle on
    Originally posted by Pollyflinders

    Same here!


    Close family live 45 mins drive away so always prearrange visits to ensure I'm home.


    But, I know my parents and sisters just call in on each other because they live really close. I'd be fine with this.
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 9th Jan 20, 10:14 AM
    • 7,744 Posts
    • 11,454 Thanks
    KxMx
    We always call ahead and expect the same in return.

    When I have my own place I definitely don't want unannounced visitors either.
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