Visiting Relatives

SensibleSarah

I moved to live 100 miles away from my family for a reason :rotfl:

But seriously, it wouldn't enter any of our heads to drop into each other's homes without checking it was convenient first - regardless of distance.

theoretica

svain wrote: »

Do people not just pop into family (parents, own children etc) for a cuppa ... 20mins-30mins tops .... or is appointments still required? (local obviously) ... do people like to "stand on ceremony" to immediate family? (house clean, make up on etc) .... Pretty sad state of affairs if people need to show a "front" to immediate family

I don't see it as sad - my mum likes a tidier house than I usually bother with, and I like to make her happy. She knows I do this!

Bogof_Babe

It might be as simple as you were just about to watch something on TV that you were really looking forward to (we don't all have catch-up), or about to jump in the shower after a busy day gardening. It's simple courtesy.

And I would want more than 10 minutes notice too, a couple of hours should do it!

CathA

My eldest lives about 20 minutes walk away, or 5 minutes in the car. She has 2 young children that I look after, pick up from school, see a lot of etc. I would never turn up unless I texted her first and she would never do it to me either. We have keys to each others houses, we are very close, get on very well (as I do with my other children, but they live a long way away). People have busy lives nowadays and it takes a second to text.
I have a persistent popper-in, he drives me mad, as I keep asking him to text before he comes round but he ignores it and turns up at random times. Last time he turned up I told him he had 10 minutes as I was going out, next time text first, and he's not been back since. Let's hope he has listened!!

DigForVictory

TBagpuss wrote: »

Yes, and in middle- and upper class circles, it was entirely normal and acceptable to be 'not at home' if you didn't want visitors. You just instructed your parlour main you were 'not at home', and people would leave their card, and depart. All of which remained the case certainly until the 1920s, and possibly up to WW2.

And mi word I yearn for those days. I do not live in a show home for guests, I live in a family home with projects of various sorts on the go.

People have eaten & drunk & gone on to live healthy lives - but not those who appear with the white gloves.

Right now, ours is a house of mourning. Visitors are unwelcome to the point of me desperately making polite conversation as the rest of the household hide on another floor pretending not to be in. It’s still not swept mopped & glossily tended to the point where I can show it off, my focus is on keeping the survivors fed, hydrated, rested & able to try moving towards a new life. Like newborn babies, they’re a bit fragile & vulnerable & as mum I desperately need sleep.

Your partner sounds wholly reasonable but maybe you could agree you have a social shed & visitors enter the house per se by appointment. Go on, a compost loo is ‘in’ these days.

Bogof_Babe

It's the old "an Englishman's home is his castle" thing isn't it? Whatever happened to having a moat and drawbridge? :rotfl:

oystercatcher

Certain people like my adult children and very good friends are always welcome and I feel comfortable telling them I have to get on with something that was planned and I know they won't mind.

There are other people who think they fall into this category but they don't and it's really annoying when they turn up and I have to be polite and end up losing an hour or two of my life when I had planned to do something else, sometimes that afternoon might have been my only chance to nip to the shops or get on with a 'big chore' that I won't have time or energy to do for a few more days .

The worst visitor is the one who turns up just as you are about to eat and there's not enough to share , or they say they don't want anything....do you starve or eat in front of them and be embarrassed, let food burn to a crisp or go cold and horrible ???? :mad::mad::mad:

So yes, always phone or text and arrange something.

Sea_Shell

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

It's the old "an Englishman's home is his castle" thing isn't it? Whatever happened to having a moat and drawbridge? :rotfl:

Ha ha, we joke about that in our house!!

Katgrit

I hate people calling in unannounced so these days if I'm not expecting anyone I tend to just not answer the door.

Where I lived previously I had a friend with 2 very badly behaved children who she wouldn't discipline in the slightest, and they'd invariably end up climbing over the furniture or smashing something. She started calling in without warning, so each time the doorbell went I would put my coat on before going to answer the door. If it was someone I wanted to see I'd say "Oh perfect timing! I've just got in. Do you want a brew?" and take my coat off. If it was the nightmare friend with children stood there I'd say "Oh sorry, I'm on my way out. I've JUST put my coat on to leave. What a shame I can't invite you in for a brew" and start patting my coat pockets and mumbling "Now where did I put those keys". Worked every time!!

luxor4t

I have been known to answer the door to unexpected visitors wearing my coat and holding my shoes, "just getting ready to go out..."

Only once did somebody call my bluff and say "I'll go with you"!

I had to invent a couple of local errands, but we had a coffee on the way, so that was nice.

edit to add: Katgrit, snap! :rotfl: