Visiting Relatives

NotGivingIn

All our relatives (both mine and OH) used to live close by and we could all call on each without notice so long you observed the 'take me as you find me' rule. In fact we were all so comfortable together that we could happily walk into each other kitchen and start making a brew for everyone!
These days we mainly live several hours away from each other so pre-planning is essential. The ones close by are elderly so I always ring first (so that they are expecting me and the knocking at the door doesn't un-nerve them) but even that is generally only 5 minutes notice.

It's all about finding a happy medium that suits every-one.

bishbut

All friends and relations are welcome at any time but I tell all if you want to find me in you must make an appointment as I am frequently away for the day or longer ,Some close relations ,children and grandchildren have a key so they can let themselves in

onomatopoeia99

ginger_chocolate wrote: »

But think this is because I'm an introvert and I find being around people, even if I really like them, is "work": I need to make sure I have adequate time to prepare and to chill by myself afterwards otherwise i'll get burnt out.

Exactly this. I like seeing my friends, but only if it's planned as I need to wind myself up to handle company and then have adequate opportunity to wind down after. I'm OK with a request at lunchtime for the evening, if it's not convenient or I don't feel like it I'll just say no.

dan958

I would never turn up at someones house unannounced, and my family know to always call/text before coming round mine.

I like to make sure that I, and my house, are presentable before people come round.

Illbedamned

I always assumed id have an open house policy when i had my own place but the more i think about it the more i'm siding towards pre arranged visits only.

Besides thats how my parents made it, out of the 4 of us i seem to be the only ne who has to plan in advance when i'm visiting and my mum even once told me i couldnt come home on my birthday so maybe im a little bit bitter now :rotfl:

Bogof_Babe

Who remembers the old days before mobile phones, emails, Facebook etc., when if you got chatting to another family on holiday you would always swap addresses and say “any time you’re passing do call in”, safe in the knowledge that it would never happen?

You wouldn’t dare say that nowadays, as the world seems to have shrunk, with fast cars and trains.

paddyz

I’ve a friend that would always drop in unannounced but it was still welcomed but I’d never do that to her

WickedAunt

Like other respondents, I find it rude that visitors expect to turn up unannounced and just walk into what ever is going on (like community nurses!).

In the past I have been interrupted when my partner and I were enjoying some close time together . . .

More seriously, as a carer I couldn't understand why Mum's brother always popped in to see her unannounced.
If the carers were in he couldn't see her (on the commode) and I was looking forward to a bit of time to get things done whilst Mum was being looked after.
If you haven't warned folk beforehand, don't get offended when the stressed daughter says she's got to rush out to the pharmacy!
Mum would have loved to see him, but it would have only been practical if he'd let us know in advance.

You never know what folk are going through - contact them first, please, don't just turn up.

Primrose

We know of a very competent DIY dad who was helping his son renovate his first home and who had a key to that whenever he had a day shift free he could pop over to hiS son's house and get on with carpentry, decorating or electrical repairs. Over time he completed upgraded the whole place

But when his son got married the new wife moved in.and he was somewhat stunned to be asked by her to return the key and only turn up by prior agreement even though the renovation work was nowhere near finished.

Just goes to show that different people have very different ideas about where they think boundaries should exist, even amongst family members.

onwards&upwards

Primrose wrote: »

We know of a very competent DIY dad who was helping his son renovate his first home and who had a key to that whenever he had a day shift free he could pop over to hiS son's house and get on with carpentry, decorating or electrical repairs. Over time he completed upgraded the whole place

But when his son got married the new wife moved in.and he was somewhat stunned to be asked by her to return the key and only turn up by prior agreement even though the renovation work was nowhere near finished.

Just goes to show that different people have very different ideas about where they think boundaries should exist, even amongst family members.

Have to say, I don’t think he should really have been ‘stunned’ that the open door policy changed when a younger woman he wasn’t related to moved in. She probably just wanted to feel she could have a shower or bath or a lie-in or hoover in her nightie without her FIL bursting in unannounced!

I wouldn’t have asked for the key back though, it’s handy to have family members with spare keys.