Visiting Relatives

Skiddaw1

Katgrit wrote: »

I hate people calling in unannounced so these days if I'm not expecting anyone I tend to just not answer the door.

Where I lived previously I had a friend with 2 very badly behaved children who she wouldn't discipline in the slightest, and they'd invariably end up climbing over the furniture or smashing something. She started calling in without warning, so each time the doorbell went I would put my coat on before going to answer the door. If it was someone I wanted to see I'd say "Oh perfect timing! I've just got in. Do you want a brew?" and take my coat off. If it was the nightmare friend with children stood there I'd say "Oh sorry, I'm on my way out. I've JUST put my coat on to leave. What a shame I can't invite you in for a brew" and start patting my coat pockets and mumbling "Now where did I put those keys". Worked every time!!

My best friend's granny used to do exactly the same!

Jaxon2390

This thread has made me think - I'm late twenties and often just turn up at my mothers house unannounced. In fact last week I let myself into her house while she was at work (we have keys to each others places) and she just arrived home to find me sitting on the sofa, eating her food and watching her TV, as there was a viewing on my flat that I didn't want to be around for.

She doesn't seem to mind and is usually along the lines of the more the merrier, but maybe I should at least txt next time.

She always calls/txts before coming over to mine... :rotfl:

onwards&upwards

Jaxon2390 wrote: »

This thread has made me think - I'm late twenties and often just turn up at my mothers house unannounced. In fact last week I let myself into her house while she was at work (we have keys to each others places) and she just arrived home to find me sitting on the sofa, eating her food and watching her TV, as there was a viewing on my flat that I didn't want to be around for.

She doesn't seem to mind and is usually along the lines of the more the merrier, but maybe I should at least txt next time.

She always calls/txts before coming over to mine... :rotfl:

I always text/call before popping to my parents house, and my mum tells me I don’t need to ask and to just show up. I also have a key but I wouldn’t just let myself in unless it was an emergency or pre-agreed.

Adults deserve a bit of privacy in their home I reckon, even from their adult kids! If my folks want to walk round naked or god forbid have a sex life that’s up to them! :rotfl:

Pa_Ja

It's been great reading people's thoughts and experiences.
I've been brought up in such away whereby not phoning ahead is the norm. So when my Mrs likes to know when someone's coming over or vice versa, it almost feels regimented and put on.
Her sister lives a stones throw away and they'll msg, "On my way", "Door's open". "2 mins",... It seems a bit fearful. I know she'd say it's just them being respectful.

Claddagh_Noir

I am with your partner on this one. There is nothing worse than someone showing up at your home unannounced and therefore uninvited. I have had this happen with an in-law while I had a friend visiting. This was a good 8 years ago. Said friend felt uncomfortable because she was confiding in me about something, the in-law took a seat and demanded a cup of tea knowing full well my partner was at work and they came around to see him. The funny thing is, the in-law lives 5 minutes up the road and they speak to my partner every day on the phone!

I made an executive decision, the next day letting the in-law know well in advance by text that I would like to pop round for a chat. I then diplomatically said I didn't like that they kept doing that, I understand that it is a family tradition with other members, but it's bad manners in my eyes. The in-law was a bit melodramatic, thinking I was keeping them apart!! The impromptu visits have since stopped and we get a call and text beforehand now.

I would not dare show up unannounced at someone's home, no matter how close I am to them because I do not want to disturb the dynamic, what if the person is ill, wants to be left alone, the kids are playing up, they are not in etc. Some people have anxiety and do not like their sanctuary disturbed because they will feel tense and on edge because their home is like a drop-in centre. What if people like the daily ritual of dancing around the mantlepiece naked?! :j:j

People often say I am welcome at any time to their home, but I want to be invited in advance.

Doodles

I hate unannounced visitors too. I would never dream of just turning up on someone's doorstep, family or otherwise. It's polite, family or otherwise, to ring ahead and check.

But I guess each family has their own dynamic which works for them.

hb2

My OH was one of 7 and popping in was the norm. I never felt comfortable with it, not sure of my welcome if I turn up unannounced. We are all getting on now and surprise visits are rare - encouraged by the fact that I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone!

My Mum and MIL used to turn up unannounced, and expected us to do the same, but they are gone now. Our son is welcome at any time of the day or night but visits tend to be pre-arranged as he lives several hours away from us.

DCFC79

I prefer a date/time being agreed before people turn up, its not something I would do to anyone else, I always agree a date/time, its just being polite.

MankyVegSoup

When my mother moved 2 miles down the road instead of 200 she started popping round unannounced or phoning for a chat in the middle of the day. I'm self employed and work from home. I had to tell her that I might not be in an office and I might be my own boss, but I still work and work time is for working.

Now she texts to ask when I'm free...…..

ginger_chocolate

Possibly this is an introvert/extrovery thing but I find it incredibly rude and presumptuous for anyone to show up at someone else's house unannounced. In fact I think it's a little bit rude to only inform the person on the day of the visit unless there's a very good reason for a short notice arrangement. I like all my social interactions to be arranged several days, if not weeks in advance! If there's a knock on my door and I'm not expecting anyone I just don't answer.

But think this is because I'm an introvert and I find being around people, even if I really like them, is "work": I need to make sure I have adequate time to prepare and to chill by myself afterwards otherwise i'll get burnt out. Extroverts tend not to get this - thinking that a surprise visit would always be a lovely treat!