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  • FIRST POST
    • JackeeBoy
    • By JackeeBoy 2nd Jul 19, 2:37 PM
    • 126Posts
    • 47Thanks
    JackeeBoy
    Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?
    • #1
    • 2nd Jul 19, 2:37 PM
    Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"? 2nd Jul 19 at 2:37 PM
    When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

    During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?

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    Last edited by MSE Tine; 10-07-2019 at 8:17 AM.
Page 1
    • Soot2006
    • By Soot2006 2nd Jul 19, 2:48 PM
    • 1,351 Posts
    • 1,406 Thanks
    Soot2006
    • #2
    • 2nd Jul 19, 2:48 PM
    • #2
    • 2nd Jul 19, 2:48 PM
    I don't get it at all. I don't particularly want to get married (I am a woman!), but when OH and I talk about it, we consider cheap and cheerful - Gretna Greene with closest friends or local town hall followed by a venue with nice food. We've been together almost 20 years and our plans haven't taken form so we probably won't worry about it in this lifetime. When his sister got married, she rented a function room and all friends pitched in to make food and host, etc ... It was wonderful and fun and not very stressful. The pictures are beautiful - everyone is dressed lovely and looks so happy. I should add we're both from fairly wealthy families, but both families don't seem to attach much credence to the "fairy tale" wedding ideal. So that's at least 2 women right here who don't dream of "that" day ... I love happy endings and princess stories but I also like reality and being confident in my own thoughts.
    • katie4
    • By katie4 2nd Jul 19, 2:51 PM
    • 262 Posts
    • 96 Thanks
    katie4
    • #3
    • 2nd Jul 19, 2:51 PM
    • #3
    • 2nd Jul 19, 2:51 PM
    This did make me chuckle. I wasn't one of those girls who dreamed of my wedding when i was younger. I didn't see the point of spending a fortune on one day either so long as we had pur friends and family with us that was what mattered. we got married in a local castle, had the reception in my dad's garden in a gazebo, only 15 people, then the evening do we invited everyone down to our local rugby club for a party

    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 2nd Jul 19, 3:05 PM
    • 8,744 Posts
    • 30,719 Thanks
    Primrose
    • #4
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:05 PM
    • #4
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:05 PM
    I can't speak from a male point of view. As a woman, I didnt dream since childhood of "the greatest day of my life". It was simply a traditional thing which you went through when you'd met the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and in the circles I mixed in, you did it, traditionally or otherwise according to your taste and the size of your pocket .

    We were penniless as all our savings had been focused on buying our first exceedingly modest home, so the actual wedding was downsized as much as we could organise it to be a traditional event at minimum cost. And there was certainly no evening event to swallow up costs. Where has this come from ? Nobody had one in my day but that was 50 yers ago! Modest mid afternoon buffet and then we were away for a cheap honeymoon in this country in a property kindly loaned to us.

    But nearly all our contemporaries who had posher more expensive weddings ended up getting divorced so maybe the more you for your wedding the more you suffer for it afterwards !!
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 2nd Jul 19, 3:09 PM
    • 31,175 Posts
    • 79,999 Thanks
    Mojisola
    • #5
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:09 PM
    • #5
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:09 PM
    But nearly all our contemporaries who had posher more expensive weddings ended up getting divorced
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Maybe they are ones who get carried away by the 'wedding' rather than wanting the lifelong 'marriage'.

    We had a very modest do as well - I never wanted a 'princess for a day' event - it was the people attending who made our day.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 2nd Jul 19, 3:15 PM
    • 19,383 Posts
    • 49,180 Thanks
    elsien
    • #6
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:15 PM
    • #6
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:15 PM
    When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

    During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?
    Originally posted by JackeeBoy
    Not me. Never dreamed about the perfect day, planned it out years before or any of that palaver. I'm a woman and it's just never been on my radar - I do wonder how much is the more recent hype that girls "should" get all over-involved. I certainly never did.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 2nd Jul 19, 3:18 PM
    • 22,839 Posts
    • 61,794 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #7
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:18 PM
    • #7
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:18 PM
    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?
    Originally posted by JackeeBoy
    This woman never dreamed of the 'fairy tale wedding'.
    I've been married twice, both in Register Offices, the first when it was tradition to have a church wedding. I'm talking 45 years ago.
    Never wanted the big fuss.

    In fact, second time around only a dozen or so people even knew we were getting married.

    So I really can't tell you where that thought process comes from.
    I'm actually quite surprised how many second-timers have a big, expensive wedding.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 2nd Jul 19, 3:19 PM
    • 19,383 Posts
    • 49,180 Thanks
    elsien
    • #8
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:19 PM
    • #8
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:19 PM
    When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

    During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?
    Originally posted by JackeeBoy
    Not me. Never dreamed about the perfect day, planned it out years before or any of that palaver. I'm a woman and it's just never been on my radar - I do wonder how much is the more recent hype that girls "should" get all over-involved. I certainly never did. Nor did any of my friends. Although my sister in law, after her father wanted to use the event in part to show off to his business colleagues, commented about her rather expensive dress "make the most of it, it's the most expensive joke you'll see for a while."
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Loanranger
    • By Loanranger 2nd Jul 19, 3:22 PM
    • 2,252 Posts
    • 5,997 Thanks
    Loanranger
    • #9
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:22 PM
    • #9
    • 2nd Jul 19, 3:22 PM
    Nope, nor me. The princess syndrome has never been in my life plan. I put it all down to poor parenting, spoiling the little princess and to clever marketing, and keeping up with the slebs in hello magazine. Have had two weddings, both v modest dos and no white frock for me at either event. I made my own outfit the first time, needed the money for a deposit on a house and second time splashed out by going to a shop and buying an outfit off the shelf. Had some fancy Gina shoes and bag,though. They crippled me nearly but looked nice, as is the way !
    • pjcox2005
    • By pjcox2005 2nd Jul 19, 3:30 PM
    • 631 Posts
    • 715 Thanks
    pjcox2005
    I didn't get caught up in it particularly at the time, and was probably the duller one keeping costs down.


    We spent a fair bit, especially for MSE standards, but looking back I don't regret it at all. You hopefully only do it once, lovely memories to look back on and my wife enjoyed (i think) the project of planning.


    Probably could have done it cheaper, and sure would have fond memories too as the vows and people are key. But spent money we had without compromising our future so all good.
    Last edited by pjcox2005; 02-07-2019 at 4:24 PM.
    • rach_k
    • By rach_k 2nd Jul 19, 3:37 PM
    • 1,471 Posts
    • 2,570 Thanks
    rach_k
    I never wanted a princess wedding but I would have liked a bigger wedding than we had. I still would have had a simple dress, it still would have been a register office ceremony, but I would have liked a nicer sit down meal, maybe a ceilidh, probably something fancy in chocolate! A nice hotel location so family from out of town could stay over would have been nice.

    It's easy to dismiss those with 'princess weddings' as being frivolous and silly, but I would have done those things to see my family and friends enjoying a great day, on a day that also made me very happy. I don't think that's silly, wasteful or girly-girly. I certainly hope it's not just women who enjoy things like that.
    • Mrsn
    • By Mrsn 2nd Jul 19, 3:44 PM
    • 134 Posts
    • 102 Thanks
    Mrsn
    I am not kidding when I say my hubby was more of a bride than me....

    He had very specific visions which had to be taken down a peg or two when I said the budget was just not there. I didn’t particularly enjoy most of the planning and made myself a little ill by the end of it.

    Absolutely adored the day itself and the memories attached to it but nope couldn’t see me wanting to do it again even if it was to renew vows etc
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 2nd Jul 19, 3:44 PM
    • 2,069 Posts
    • 4,491 Thanks
    happyandcontented
    I had quite a lavish wedding and it was all very well planned and executed, but the planning only began when I had found the man I wanted to marry, not from childhood!

    Many of our friends had similar weddings, however, some were smaller affairs, but I couldn't draw a correlation between big weddings/small weddings and the longevity of the marriages.

    I think that although there were wedding magazines around when we married it wasn't the 'big business' which it is today with a myriad of associated retailers having an involvement via Wedding Fayres'. Expectations have increased and all the associated fripperies seem to be really hyped.

    We had a church wedding, a Wedding Breakfast at a stately hall, and we did have an evening reception. In total we probably had around 200 guests. It was a lovely day.
    Last edited by happyandcontented; 02-07-2019 at 3:46 PM.
    • 8ofspades
    • By 8ofspades 2nd Jul 19, 4:11 PM
    • 121 Posts
    • 112 Thanks
    8ofspades
    I'm a woman and I've never been that fussed about marriage or the wedding. Like you, the only reason we got married was because my partner didn't want kids without being married first. I did see the legal benefits to it financially as well.. not exactly romantic but I was romantic and committed to my other half without the marriage. Our wedding did end up to be a big party, on a budget, but not really like the traditional weddings at all. I even kept my name after - and title - so I didn't have to go through the faff of changing absolutely everything.
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 2nd Jul 19, 4:13 PM
    • 4,416 Posts
    • 11,630 Thanks
    LilElvis
    I never dreamed of a "princess wedding", though my Mum and sister both had big weddings with all the trimmings and 100+ people. Instead husband and I decided to get married in Las Vegas with 9 friends and family members. Instead of one day going by in a blur we had an amazing wedding week. The ceremony took all of ten minutes to sort out - online booking, drop down menus and added to basket. We watched the video with our eight year old a few weeks ago and she's utterly convinced that Mum and Dad were married by the real Elvis - she's even added "Viva Las Vegas" to her music playlist. It was perfect for us and I still smile whenever I'm reminded of certain moments.
    • olgadapolga
    • By olgadapolga 2nd Jul 19, 5:11 PM
    • 942 Posts
    • 1,136 Thanks
    olgadapolga
    even if it was to renew vows etc
    Originally posted by Mrsn
    And this is something else I just don't understand - why on earth does anyone need to renew their vows? Surely the one time is enough? Or is it just an excuse to splash the cash again?
    • Diamandis
    • By Diamandis 2nd Jul 19, 5:16 PM
    • 305 Posts
    • 476 Thanks
    Diamandis
    I'm a woman and I got married last year. I never dreamed about a big perfect wedding. We had a medium sized wedding and spent approximately £2000. It was a great day. My sister is very different to me and she stressed over everything being perfect when she got married. She spent approx £15000 but my wedding was just as good as hers.
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 2nd Jul 19, 5:56 PM
    • 4,262 Posts
    • 12,450 Thanks
    Hermia
    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?
    Originally posted by JackeeBoy
    I think it is pushed as being the ultimate achievement for women. Girls are brought up with all these fairy stories that end with a wedding and a big dress. I have seen friends talk to their little girls about weddings and getting married. I don't notice the same thing happening with little boys. I have also noticed that getting married is still often seen as the most important event for a woman. I have a friend who within the space of a year got married, finished her PhD and climbed Kilimanjaro. She was baffled that she got waaayy more praise and attention for getting married than the other two things even though they required a lot more work/effort to achieve.

    If I ever get married I hope to just slip off and have a small quiet wedding.
    • kangoora
    • By kangoora 2nd Jul 19, 6:02 PM
    • 730 Posts
    • 599 Thanks
    kangoora
    And this is something else I just don't understand - why on earth does anyone need to renew their vows? Surely the one time is enough? Or is it just an excuse to splash the cash again?
    Originally posted by olgadapolga
    Yep, this one gets me as well - I didn't realise there was a time limit on the vows we made in church when we got married.........

    Personally, I view it as grandstanding "Look at us, we've been married 30 years and this is to show how much we still love each other!!!!". If that's the case then a simple "I love you" works for me.

    Luckily my wife agrees with me
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 2nd Jul 19, 6:12 PM
    • 8,789 Posts
    • 14,340 Thanks
    jackieblack
    And this is something else I just don't understand - why on earth does anyone need to renew their vows? Surely the one time is enough? Or is it just an excuse to splash the cash again?
    Originally posted by olgadapolga
    Yep, this one gets me as well - I didn't realise there was a time limit on the vows we made in church when we got married.........

    Personally, I view it as grandstanding "Look at us, we've been married 30 years and this is to show how much we still love each other!!!!". If that's the case then a simple "I love you" works for me.

    Luckily my wife agrees with me
    Originally posted by kangoora
    I agree - unless the marriage has been in trouble and, having overcome the problems, the couple feel a need to recommit..?
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