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Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?

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Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?

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JackeeBoyJackeeBoy Forumite
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I've been Money Tipped!
When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?
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  • Soot2006Soot2006 Forumite
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    I don't get it at all. I don't particularly want to get married (I am a woman!), but when OH and I talk about it, we consider cheap and cheerful - Gretna Greene with closest friends or local town hall followed by a venue with nice food. We've been together almost 20 years and our plans haven't taken form so we probably won't worry about it in this lifetime. When his sister got married, she rented a function room and all friends pitched in to make food and host, etc ... It was wonderful and fun and not very stressful. The pictures are beautiful - everyone is dressed lovely and looks so happy. I should add we're both from fairly wealthy families, but both families don't seem to attach much credence to the "fairy tale" wedding ideal. So that's at least 2 women right here who don't dream of "that" day ... I love happy endings and princess stories but I also like reality and being confident in my own thoughts.
  • katie4katie4 Forumite
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    This did make me chuckle. I wasn't one of those girls who dreamed of my wedding when i was younger. I didn't see the point of spending a fortune on one day either so long as we had pur friends and family with us that was what mattered. we got married in a local castle, had the reception in my dad's garden in a gazebo, only 15 people, then the evening do we invited everyone down to our local rugby club for a party :)

  • PrimrosePrimrose Forumite
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    I can't speak from a male point of view. As a woman, I didnt dream since childhood of "the greatest day of my life". It was simply a traditional thing which you went through when you'd met the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and in the circles I mixed in, you did it, traditionally or otherwise according to your taste and the size of your pocket .

    We were penniless as all our savings had been focused on buying our first exceedingly modest home, so the actual wedding was downsized as much as we could organise it to be a traditional event at minimum cost. And there was certainly no evening event to swallow up costs. Where has this come from ? Nobody had one in my day but that was 50 yers ago! Modest mid afternoon buffet and then we were away for a cheap honeymoon in this country in a property kindly loaned to us.

    But nearly all our contemporaries who had posher more expensive weddings ended up getting divorced so maybe the more you for your wedding the more you suffer for it afterwards !!
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Primrose wrote: »
    But nearly all our contemporaries who had posher more expensive weddings ended up getting divorced

    Maybe they are ones who get carried away by the 'wedding' rather than wanting the lifelong 'marriage'.

    We had a very modest do as well - I never wanted a 'princess for a day' event - it was the people attending who made our day.
  • elsienelsien Forumite
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    JackeeBoy wrote: »
    When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

    During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?

    Not me. Never dreamed about the perfect day, planned it out years before or any of that palaver. I'm a woman and it's just never been on my radar - I do wonder how much is the more recent hype that girls "should" get all over-involved. I certainly never did.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    JackeeBoy wrote: »
    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?

    This woman never dreamed of the 'fairy tale wedding'.
    I've been married twice, both in Register Offices, the first when it was tradition to have a church wedding. I'm talking 45 years ago.
    Never wanted the big fuss.

    In fact, second time around only a dozen or so people even knew we were getting married.

    So I really can't tell you where that thought process comes from.
    I'm actually quite surprised how many second-timers have a big, expensive wedding.
  • elsienelsien Forumite
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    JackeeBoy wrote: »
    When I got married, I enjoyed the day fondly and have great memories of it. I spent £10,000 in total and don't feel too bad about spending that money as I did not take out debt for it and I already purchased my house (with a mortgage) and owned my car out right. However, the only reason I got married is because I wanted children and the wife didn't without being married. I would have rather put that money in savings or spent it on the house, even with hindsight.

    During the planning, my wife is getting all emotional about the dress, crying during the day and had an entire book dedicated to what she wanted for the day which has been putting together long before we got together. I did not cry, picked the first suit that fitted and overall just wasn't too fussed.

    I have just always been curious how so many women dream of this day for when they are little. Where the hell the does this thought process come from? Then again, I could be wrong. Do/did you guys also dream of the "perfect day"?

    Not me. Never dreamed about the perfect day, planned it out years before or any of that palaver. I'm a woman and it's just never been on my radar - I do wonder how much is the more recent hype that girls "should" get all over-involved. I certainly never did. Nor did any of my friends. Although my sister in law, after her father wanted to use the event in part to show off to his business colleagues, commented about her rather expensive dress "make the most of it, it's the most expensive joke you'll see for a while."
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • LoanrangerLoanranger Forumite
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    Nope, nor me. The princess syndrome has never been in my life plan. I put it all down to poor parenting, spoiling the little princess and to clever marketing, and keeping up with the slebs in hello magazine. Have had two weddings, both v modest dos and no white frock for me at either event. I made my own outfit the first time, needed the money for a deposit on a house and second time splashed out by going to a shop and buying an outfit off the shelf. Had some fancy Gina shoes and bag,though. They crippled me nearly but looked nice, as is the way !
  • edited 2 July 2019 at 5:24PM
    pjcox2005pjcox2005 Forumite
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    edited 2 July 2019 at 5:24PM
    I didn't get caught up in it particularly at the time, and was probably the duller one keeping costs down.


    We spent a fair bit, especially for MSE standards, but looking back I don't regret it at all. You hopefully only do it once, lovely memories to look back on and my wife enjoyed (i think) the project of planning.


    Probably could have done it cheaper, and sure would have fond memories too as the vows and people are key. But spent money we had without compromising our future so all good.
  • rach_krach_k Forumite
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    I never wanted a princess wedding but I would have liked a bigger wedding than we had. I still would have had a simple dress, it still would have been a register office ceremony, but I would have liked a nicer sit down meal, maybe a ceilidh, probably something fancy in chocolate! A nice hotel location so family from out of town could stay over would have been nice.

    It's easy to dismiss those with 'princess weddings' as being frivolous and silly, but I would have done those things to see my family and friends enjoying a great day, on a day that also made me very happy. I don't think that's silly, wasteful or girly-girly. I certainly hope it's not just women who enjoy things like that.
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