Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?

onwards&upwards

LilElvis wrote: »

The only thing that was non-negotiable for me was that my engagement ring was a bespoke one made by my favourite jeweller, with good sized, high quality stones. Now husband wandered over to WH Smith's to look at magazines and left me to it. His eyebrows did do some interesting acrobatics when he returned and I told him what the jeweller and I had decided on. Before I get castigated - he paid the deposit and I paid the other half when I collected it two months later. After over 13 years it equates to a Starbucks a day in cost - bargain! And I still love it - nearly as much as I love him.

I just can’t ever imagine feeling completely fine insisting on me spending that much of somebody else’s money! Even half was a lot I expect? If you really wanted a ring like that why not buy it yourself?

Pollycat

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I just can’t ever imagine feeling completely fine insisting on me spending that much of somebody else’s money! Even half was a lot I expect? If you really wanted a ring like that why not buy it yourself?

But everybody has different priorities.
And different incomes/lifestyles.
Maybe LilElvis's OH has an expensive hobby and she is fine with what he spends on that so just quid pro quo.

And it's possibly turned into an investment.

onwards&upwards

Pollycat wrote: »

But everybody has different priorities.
And different incomes/lifestyles.
Maybe LilElvis's OH has an expensive hobby and she is fine with what he spends on that so just quid pro quo.

And it's possibly turned into an investment.

Well maybe, hopefully she was slightly exaggerating when she said ‘non negotiable’!

Skiddaw1

Pollycat wrote: »

But everybody has different priorities.
And different incomes/lifestyles.
Maybe LilElvis's OH has an expensive hobby and she is fine with what he spends on that so just quid pro quo.

And it's possibly turned into an investment.

Absolutely. Bespoke rings can be truly wonderful.



It's what works in the dynamic of a relationship that counts. For example, I didn't have an engagement ring. Mr S bought me some engagement boots (we go hill walking) instead and jolly nice they were.

happyandcontented

LilElvis wrote: »

The only thing that was non-negotiable for me was that my engagement ring was a bespoke one made by my favourite jeweller, with good sized, high quality stones. Now husband wandered over to WH Smith's to look at magazines and left me to it. His eyebrows did do some interesting acrobatics when he returned and I told him what the jeweller and I had decided on. Before I get castigated - he paid the deposit and I paid the other half when I collected it two months later. After over 13 years it equates to a Starbucks a day in cost - bargain! And I still love it - nearly as much as I love him.

I think that was very sensible, a bespoke piece of jewellery appreciates in value and the personal design element adds to the sentiment.

onwards&upwards

happyandcontented wrote: »

It was a sweeping generalisation and your experience is not indicative of the actuality. Years ago, most people had big weddings and many of them went on to have long and happy marriages. The fact that some of those in your circle didn't doesn't mean that it is the norm.

I don’t think that’s true.

Spending the equivalent of a house deposit on one party is quite a new thing.

happyandcontented

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I don’t think that’s true.

Spending the equivalent of a house deposit on one party is quite a new thing.

I suppose it depends on your circle of friends, but I got married 38 years ago and we had a big church wedding, as did all our friends. All of us are still married too!

Mojisola

happyandcontented wrote: »

I suppose it depends on your circle of friends, but I got married 38 years ago and we had a big church wedding, as did all our friends. All of us are still married too!

The church wedding isn't the bit that costs thousands of pounds!

happyandcontented

Mojisola wrote: »

The church wedding isn't the bit that costs thousands of pounds!

No, that is true, but many of my friends had a large retinue of bridesmaids etc, which pushed the cost up and all of us had large Receptions, both during the day and in the evening.

suki1964

I don't think big weddings were the rule back 40 years ago either, not compared to today

I remember my sisters and cousins getting married, sure they may have had a big wedding, as in lots of guests, but it was a buffet do, usually home catered. My mum had her own business wedding catering when us girls were young, buffets in church halls or upstairs rooms in a pub, with a local DJ doing the music

My little sister and a cousin did do a sit down meal, but only for the handful of family invited to the church/registrars office

Nowadays a big wedding is big business. When our daughter got married 3 years ago we had to fork out for 150 guests to have a 3 course meal with wine, the Prosecco reception, the evening buffet, the Dj, the band, the venue, the cars, the favours , the flowers, the photographer, the video , the photo booth, the sweet trolly, - the list of wants was endless