Is it just women who get caught up with the whole "fairy tale wedding"?

Mrs_Ryan

Me and OH are having a civil partnership ceremony and what we’re having is a lot different to what I would have wanted last time I was engaged (although that, admittedly, was 15 years ago) I still have made no secret that I would have loved our ceremony to be in a castle but OH shattered my illusions by reminding me that our bank (my mum ) wouldn’t stretch that far
Yes I have a white dress but it’s not a traditional one- its from Wed2B so it was cheap. And it’s tea length rather than a princess one- as I’m a bit older and we’re not doing the full wedding thing I said I didn’t think it would be appropriate. My sister’s dress cost £69, OH’s suit was £100 (suit, shirt and tie from Debenhams) and his shoes £30 in Clarks sale in Bath when we were on holiday. His ring cost a tenner from one of those cheap jewellery shops, mine was in the sale for fifty quid from H Samuel. My brother in law (who handily happens to be a part time professional wedding photographer) is doing our photos for free and my friend who is used to work with who is a trained hairdresser is doing my mum and sister’s hair for free.
I can’t understand why people want to spend stupid money on a wedding. It’s one day! It should be all about celebrating and being with the people you love not how much money can be wasted or how much debt accumulated!!!

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

happyandcontented wrote: »

Each to their own, but my point was in response to the quote regarding 'wanting the security of marriage after having children' and the advisability of having considered that earlier or even to consider whether marriage per se, rather than the quality of the relationship would provide that.

I understand the point you are making. I can only speak for my circumstances but we didn't have much choice unfortunately. We bought our house and got engaged but then due to health problems had to start ttc. After years of trying we decided not to pay for a big wedding as it looked like the money would be needed for ivf. I was incredibly fortunate to fall pregnant without needing ivf and wedding plans weren't important. It was only after the children came along that I realised how important being married was to us. If I had of been faced with the choice of paying for a wedding or ivf I would have gone for the ivf all day long.

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

And traditionally the bride's Father paid for the wedding.

Yes, that was the tradition, but even today many couples go down that route. All of our friend's children, children's friends, did it in that order and many of them made a significant contribution to the wedding. One of my sons' is getting married in 18 months and they are also contributing.

JennyJukes

3 of my cousins are married:

First one had a big massive wedding with over 100 guests.

Second one had a secret wedding just the two of them and their witnesses.

Third had a surprise wedding - they invited everyone round for a "BBQ party" and got married in the garden.

Guess which one is divorced?


As for me - my partner is living here on a visa and there are rules for us to get married. I think we need to get married within 6 months so that might make it difficult to really plan a big wedding. We want a small wedding with just family and then a nice honeymoon. I feel a bit bad though because I've been invited to so many big weddings that I feel I need to invite them too but we're going to reduce that risk of "why were they invited and we weren't?!" by only inviting family and a few very close friends. I think our families might be a bit disappointed by us not having a big wedding (his family are Indian and I'm probably the only child of my mum's who will get married) but if they want that they can pay for it!

Malthusian

You're on a forum called "Money Saving Expert" so if you're looking for feedback from the sort of people who splurge a year's income on a wedding, you should probably try a forum aimed at people planning weddings.

Men don't have elaborate fantasies about wedding days because they don't need to. Their future fiancee will be expected to think about that stuff.

Many men - of the kind who join in with spending a year's annual income, not MSE scrimpers - would be put out if their wife wanted to just turn up at a registry office in a T-shirt and jeans, sign the form and go home. They want a party as much as the wife does. The man wants to stand next to a woman in a beautiful dress as much as the woman wants to wear it.

But the wife is expected to plan it. This is convenient for the husband not only because they have to do less work, but they can also blame the financial consequences on their wife, despite wanting it as much as she did.

If men didn't want elaborate weddings as much as women, then given the historically dominant financial role of the male, they wouldn't happen.

If men valued wedding pageantry less than women then stag parties would be much cheaper and less elaborate than hen parties. There would be far fewer stag parties than hen parties flying out to Prague or Amsterdam. There is no evidence that this is the case.

DigForVictory

I was mildly railroaded into a white wedding that mirrored my parents', so no evening bash, registry office then college chapel event (in white) but glorious food and much happy family amidst lovely college gardens.

I wouldn't inflict that on my sons, but the family veil has form for crowning long lasting marriages, so when any of the lads talk of getting serious, I'll be found checking the veil... Which may be donned for a few photos & then boxed again, or actually worn on holy ground - it'll be their choice. I may also help sort a bouquet with myrtle & a few other plants & herbs in (the womenfolk of my lot tend to be proficient gardeners) and again that can be for a few minutes to keep his mum happy, left in a car (the herbs ease travel sickness) or carried along holy ground (and I'll not seek to ask too hard which form of holy so long as I can be sure of the ground rules for guests.)

I cordially loathe the wedding industry & will happily help subvert, mislead and generally bemuse purveyors of buildings, frocks etc. Just not the Registrar.

Alikay

I'm another one who doesn't like the idea of spending £30k on a big wedding, but then I'm an introvert with a very small family and even smaller circle of close friends. I also don't like the idea of strolling down the registry office in jeans with 2 witnesses and then going to the pub for pie and chips, as it doesn't recognise or celebrate the massive commitment that a marriage is.

Basically, every couple should plan what suits them and their own unique circumstances ,and what they can afford factoring in whatever practical and financial help their family wish to chip in with. It's their day and IME has little effect on whether their marriage is a success or not. FWIW I was the one who wanted a simpler wedding than DH as I'm very shy and the idea of lots of people looking at me was very scary.

Alan2020

It's just marketing, and it's not about women or men. Generally weddings are targeted towards women and fancy cars towards men.

People with what is frankly lower IQ fall for this crap and spend their entire life savings. They live in the fantasy that the more they invite the better. In reality guest begrudgingly come to these narcissistic events and go back bitter and angry why they did not shove the wedding cake in the face and set the house on fire.

Weddings are for women who are insecure as are fast cars for men who are insecure. Typically your fast car is aimed at a braindead male, who thinks if he drives fast all the top women will be attracted to him. In reality a similar woman like him is attracted, who will want a fast car like massive weeding, then they both go broke and end up being bitter and divorced. End of story

suki1964

Im another who had no dreams of "The Day"

Seriously, no word of a lie, we actually only decided to get married when we were on holiday and I saw a ring I really liked. I always bought a ring when on holiday, only this time it was a solitaire. So we spent the fortnight haggling the price down, got the ring and when we got home, popped into the registrars office to see what dates they had free at the cheapest possible price :rotfl:

We had six weeks in which to plan, we had a lunchtime wedding and lunch in the garden for about 20 friends. My dress was an off the peg cocktail dress 1/2 price in the sales, he got a new tie . Flowers were silk from Ebay, I borrowed tables and chairs from neighbours, hired plates, glasses and cutlery, got the food delivered from Waitrose and bought wines and beers from the cash and carry

I was mopping the floor as I was leaving the house for the registrars office :eek:

I spent the afternoon keeping the dishwasher loaded and peoples glasses and plates topped up and even took the dog for a walk mid afternoon around the park causing a few comments, so ended up with a few more guests popping in to wish us well

A absolutely fantastic day for less than £1k. I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect day

Sea_Shell

I remember I was in awe of Sarah Fergusons' wedding dress, (much nicer than Diana's), and so yes, I always wanted a lovely beaded, sparkly big dress, and even designed a couple in school home-economics.

I got my wish....but the day itself was modest, with only approx. 40 guests for main event.