Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for our daughter's wedding?

1st Nov 17, 10:52 AM
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A very lucky girl indeed, with £15,000 to spend on a wedding! And by the time you've given them the £5,000 you promised, paid for your outfits & hair, travel to the coastal location, accommodation and meals, airport parking etc etc etc, you'll be closer to doubling up on your initial £5,000 gift. And all this while managing to cope with redundancy and a small pension. Worth repeating that your daughter really is a very lucky girl!
Originally posted by gloriouslyhappy
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hannerrbabes wrote: »

You think outfits, hair, travel, accommodation, etc, will total another £5,000?! What planet are you from?!

Planet realism - the poster said the wedding was at a 'statement' coastal location, well that could be abroad, so flights and accommodation for two could be £2000 right there. Then outfit as much as £250, hair appointment £25 and up, possibly more holiday clothing needed so bump up expenses bill, spending money while away on meals if nothing else, airport parking or travel to airport £50 odd, transfers from venue airport and taxis or possibly hire car while at venue - well, we're already at around £3000 and not finished yet! So as I said, it could be closer to doubling up on the original gift.

But hey, you could be right - the 'statement' coastal location could be Blackpool or similar, in which case, the expenses bill goes down dramatically.

In this modern world it does seem strange that many people still think that the girls parents should pay for the wedding.

I was the only child of my parents and they - unbeknown to me - were quite well off but my husband and I paid for our wedding - we got into debt doing it!

They bought us a wedding present of a vacuum cleaner and I genuinely believed this was a generous gift from them!! lol

It obviously depends on how many children you have as it's not fair to pay loads towards one wedding and not much else towards others.

If she's your only daughter, is she expecting you to pay for everything? How has that come about?

Is she aware of your low incomes and the fact you cannot afford more towards a wedding?

You'll need to decide how much you can afford to pay towards things and ask the son in law to be if his parents can help out with some things too.

Do not get into debt - not under any circumstances.

I know someone who re-mortgaged their house for their daughters wedding and the "happy" couple split up within a year!!!! She's now got remarried and even had the cheek to expect them to help out again towards her new wedding even though the dad's been badly injured and is out of work now and they're really struggling, so some daughters really aren't worth struggling over - I think they're mugs to even consider helping out again!!

But everyone is different - do what you can to keep things happy, obviously you don't want to fall out over this but don't let yourselves be dragged into paying more than you can afford, it is not worth it.

Good luck!

I want my parents to spend their hard earned money on them. They made so many sacrifices raising us and now they should be able to enjoy their retirement without having to foot the bill for a day-long party with 100 people for each of us.

I would never want them to fund my wedding. That said we do talk about these things and they have said a long time ago they didn't expect to.

As a side point other people have said that you must give the same to each of your kids. My parents don't take this view. The same isn't always equal. One of my brothers hasn't taken any money off my parents since he was at school, I had a home deposit and the others have had help at different points. If they funded 1 wedding but couldn't stretch to 1 each, provided they were happy to it would be fine.

If You have spent your life raising them then retirement is your time and your money should go on you.

We got married in April 2015, had a fairly modest wedding. One we got engaged, we had to set a date and get married quite quickley (no I wasn't in the family way) my mum had lung cancer and shortly after we got engaged we found out the cancer had spread and she had a brain tumour. We would have like time to save for the wedding, but under the circumstances my parents paid for about 75% of the wedding costs, as it was important to all of us that mum was able to attend while she was able. My parents offered us up to £20,000 for the 'wedding of our dreams' - that was not what we wanted we had complete control of what we wanted, the only thing my mum insisted on was a traditional wedding cake! We had the wedding we wanted for £4,500 and best of all my mum was well and in her element. We married on a Saturday, went to Wales on Sunday on honeymoon, on Monday my mum was having urgent brain scans as my dad walked into the living room and found her semi conscious, she went downhill from there and died four months later. We got married at the right time, and my parents contribution made it possible for my mum to be there - which was priceless.

My only daughter (I also have 2 sons) got married this year, it was her wedding so the happy couple made all of the arrangements and invited who they wanted with no influence from either side of the family. At the start I told her that I would pay for hers & the bridesmaid dresses, the cake, photographs & the car. As all of my children have been brought up financially savvy, this totaled £2000 which included £300 wedding present. The rest of the wedding they paid for themselves (some from an inheritance she had received from her father). One of my sons is talking about getting married next year and he already knows what contribution they will receive from me and that they can spend it how they wish. After all its the marriage that is important, the wedding is only one day. My daughters was a fantastic one enjoyed by all. Contribute only what you can afford.