Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for our daughter's wedding?

chelseablue

We are getting married next year.

Our families told us to cost it out and let them know how much it would cost approximately

We worked it out to be around £12,000

My Dad said they would contribute £4,000, my mother in law also offered £4,000 and the remaining £4,000 is from us.

We have gone a bit over budget but that is for us to fund

crmism

Traditionally, it's the bride's parents who foot the bill, but you certainly don't need to go overboard to make the big day a success. Too many youngsters have expectations way beyond their means, and those of their parents, so put your foot down when it comes to the expenses.

Rather than cut flowers in the church and the reception venue, my wife and I bought artificial flowers, which looked so real, are considerably cheaper and can be used again and again later on or distributed around the family after the wedding is over. We shopped around for caterers, and negotiated a deal. The venue itself doesn't have to be anything exotic - a village hall is just as good as a castle when it comes to celebrations.

However, times seem to have changed of late. When my son got married, my wife and I offered to cover the cost of the reception as we knew his prospective father-in-law was in straightened circumstances. I see no reason why your daughter's future in-laws can't help out.

Above all, what's so important is that the day is memorable for all the right reasons. And that doesn't mean spending a fortune on food, drinks, flowers or a suitable venue for wedding and reception. Good Luck!

jackyann

Silvercar has hit the nail on the head about expectations. But even 'traditionally' it was really the well-to-do who funded their daughters' weddings.
I know that my grandparents (born at the turn of 19/20C) funded their own weddings as there was no money from their parents. They wore their 'Sunday best' and had a nice tea afterwards, with a barrel of beer. The wedding cake was the main extravagance, and I still have my paternal grandmother's recipe.
Each succeeding generation added to the spend - my mother and I both made our own wedding dresses and thought ourselves very fine.

HouseMouse

I suppose I'd be thought of as mean but these days I think far too many weddings are about the trappings and not about the real meaning of the commitment that the bride and groom are making to each other.

More years ago than I care to remember, I told my parents I was thinking of getting married. I was living on my own, and this was my second marriage. My father made it clear he wasn't prepared to contribute financially despite being fairly well-off. I had a very quiet wedding the first time round, so it's not as though he ever really had to splash out. I didn't see why I should have to pay for a big family get-together when I hardly ever saw most of my relatives (we're not a particularly close family). My feelings were if HE wanted a big do in a posh venue (to show off to his friends and rellies) then HE could pay for it.

SO, in the end we had a very quiet ceremony, with just 2 friends & a meal in a local restaurant afterwards. Didn't even bother to tell my father, who found out via one of his friends some weeks later. (Might to relevant to add that at this point my father didn't really like my new husband, although over the years, as he got to know him, they did become quite good friends)

The only thing I regret is that I didn't buy a better frock & have a few photos taken.

We have just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary.

Peccary

Among my friends, it's fairly common for the bride's parents to buy her dress. My parents didn't offer any help and I didn't ask as they weren't well off then. Their circumstances have changed since and they helped us out with our house deposit and have started saving for our daughter, more useful I think!

We were lucky in that husband's dad offered the same amount given to his sister, we topped that up a bit.

cats2012

I got married 5 years ago and my sister is getting married in the Spring. Our parents kindly gave us each a contribution, but it was in no way expected. Vast majority of the cost was met by us.

In my case, we had a pretty small wedding as we'd just bought a house. My sister is going more spectacular as she and her fiancee are very comfortable, but that's her choice and she's paying for it - got the same amount from mum and dad.

JayD

As has been suggested here already, it would seem best to give your daughter what you can afford and tell her it is your wedding present to her and her fiance and you would be more than happy for them to use it towards their wedding costs. You could also propose that she and her fiance approach his parents and ask them to do the same, if the are planning an expensive wedding.

squirrelchops

Having been to 2 weddings that I know both cost around 30k I know how much you spend does not mean it will be a better day than a wedding with a lower budget.

Both of these weddings were pretty bog standard set up, nothing exceptional that stood out and actually as a guest they were both pretty boring.

On the other hand we went to a wedding in a forest, reception was afternoon tea and the groom played in his own band - fantastic fun and a lot less money was spent on that!!!

The_Ang

My husband and I were very lucky that my parents could afford to pay for some of our wedding ceremony. We didn't have many colleagues or guests. My parents had most of the number of the guest.

Thinking about the percentage of the guests on which side can be a way to count the wedding money payment share.

System

I would never expect y parents to foot the bill or hell even contribute, for one i'm one of 3 daughters so they;d have to fork out the same for them(and what about my brother? not fair if we got money and he didnt based on tradition), two my dad is retiring next year (hes already delayed it to get my bro and sis though university) and three i feel if i'm getting married thats my choice and i should be the one who pays for it. Tbh if we do get wed it will be a small and cheap event, i'm not bothered about a big day or expensive dresses i just want to marry the guy i love..