Potential dispute over car not mentioned in father's will

worried_jim wrote: »

This. Just give it back and have an easy life, it's not worth the hassle.

If this was the only thing she ever complained about, or gave us a hard time about, that might be a more appealing option. But she would still go on about other stuff - mainly involving us moving her down to where we are, or us moving up there.

If she was a nicer person, and money was no object - then sure - would buy her somewhere down here tomorrow. Again, if I try to explain that its not that easy (they tried to sell the house a few years ago, but the market is virtually non existent where they are. people tend to buy plots of land, and build a new house) she just accuses me of spinning a yarn. So if she can't sell the house, then its virtually impossible. And when it was on the market, she didn't want a for sale sign outside, because she didn't want people knowing her business.)

She has also talked about "dying from loneliness". She likes to create the impression that she is housebound, never sees anyone, and stares at the walls day in and day out. But I know she's fairly active still - the church, couple of afternoons at a charity shop, lunches out with people.... She just likes to ruminate on things and make issues that either aren't there at all, or certainly aren't things I can magically fix. When she has talked about depression I have suggested she should maybe talk to someone or visit her GP, but again she just bites my head off, about how they did nothing for my father, what's the point etc. So if she's unwilling to do anything to help herself, it becomes very difficult to have that much sympathy, I know this isn't true - I was home a lot over the summer when he wasn't well, and know that they did a lot over the years, but just could never quite get to the bottom of what was up. In the end he had a few things wrong, but none were life threatening, but he just seemed to give up and stop eating, so sadly went downhill quite quickly towards the end. And my mum didn't exactly have too much empathy. She runs a B&B still, and when I arranged for Occupational Therapy support etc, they visited the house and brought out a few mobility aids for my dad. My mum mostly complained about how they wouldn't look good fro the guests staying. I was appalled that she was still taking guests when my Dad was so ill - there were some in the house the morning he died.

Sorry, getting bit off topic, but its hard to convey just how irrational and unwilling to listen to common sense and reason she can be, without a bit of background. While returning the car would solve this particular issue, it wouldn't solve the problem of our increasingly untenable relationship. She sometimes has moments of clarity, and talks bout me forgiving her, or giving her a chance. But she has had so many over the years, but continues to act out the way she does within a couple of weeks.

Trouble is, if she gets it back she'll then want me to help her with tax, insurance etc, it won't have solved anything between us generally because she'll still complain about me being so far away, and, rightly or wrongl, I would resent her for choosing irrationality and mean spiritness over common sense.

And things like when I visit I wouldn't be able to take her out in it, because I wouldnt be insured.

It seems whatever way this goes, it ends badly and irreparably damages our already frought relationship.