Uncles Interfering Friend What To Do About It?
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My aunt and my cousins have been advised he needs to move into 24 hour care and have looked at some local care homes to find the right one.And it was a social worker from the local hospital elderly services dept who recommended my uncle should receive 24 hour care.
I think these 2 statements from the OP require much more clarification.
She seems to be glibly throwing out the term "24 hour care" without any reasonable knowledge of adult care.0 -
It doesn't seem as if the uncle is being heard by the OP's family. He clearly doesn't want to go into a care home! As there does seem to be family around nearby they could surely all play their part in helping the aunt to do what is required at home?
It is also excessively controlling to attempt to isolate him from his friends. All credit to the friend for wanting to stand up for him. I can only imagine how powerless this older gentleman may be feeling in these circumstances.
I can quite understand the aunt feeling as if she cannot cope but there are other options of help rather than coercing someone into a care home when they do not yet need this level of care.
Did the Social Worker make a formal written recommendation for 24 hour residential care?0 -
It can be very difficult when one of a couple starts to need a lot of care - it's automatically assumed that the other partner will be willing and capable of providing the necessary care. That isn't always the case, especially if the person needing care becomes difficult.
There are two people whose needs should be looked at in this situation. If he is able to stay at home and enough outside help can be provided to make it manageable for his wife, the situation might settle down.
If his wife is being stretched to breaking point by being a carer, why should his rights to stay at home over-ride her rights to a normal life?
I've seen couples where the carer has struggled on to the detriment of their own health and the extent of the care they were providing only became evident when they became too ill to continue providing it.0 -
If his wife is being stretched to breaking point by being a carer, why should his rights to stay at home over-ride her rights to a normal life?
Your missing the point, the care home placement isn't even an option to consider.
I'm assuming they'll be wanting council assistance here as the property won't be used for the assessment so unless he has a lot of savings he wouldn't afford such a placement anyway.
If you want council funding they'll have to agree the care home placement is necessary which is entirely their right if they're paying for it. Their requirements are also quite strict and the needs of the person needs to be severe. I'd suggest if a person is well enough to go to the pub by themselves they won't need care. It doesn't even sound like he particularly needs personal care.
They'll also require that other options are considered before a care home place is granted anyway and it doesn't sound like any of these have been explored yet.
Her being stressed at being a carer will not be considered a good enough reason for him to enter residential care. They will however likely offer a respite placement if she needs a break.0 -
Your missing the point, the care home placement isn't even an option to consider.
I'd suggest if a person is well enough to go to the pub by themselves they won't need care.
They'll also require that other options are considered before a care home place is granted anyway and it doesn't sound like any of these have been explored yet.
I agree with this and it doesn't sound as if this has been done but there are still two people's needs to be taken into account so all options are on the table until the best one is found.
Re going to the pub - there were several men in my Dad's care home who went to a local pub a couple of times a week. Other people from the home still went out to club meetings and church services on their own.0 -
Tell him to BUTT out, not his family and he's not there 24 hours a day0
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I have been told my uncle wants to live with this man. My cousins work full time and have mortgages so couldn't become carers for him. Uncle shouts out for my aunt a few times every night but does it for nothing to see if he can get attention and she is exhausted.Britain is great but Manchester is greater0
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He has been given a harassment warning as I mentioned on here. If he takes any notice or not remains to be seen.arbrighton wrote: »Tell him to BUTT out, not his family and he's not there 24 hours a dayBritain is great but Manchester is greater0 -
Thank god someone is seeing my aunts side of the situation. My uncle is very domineering somedays he refuses to walk and she has had to lift him as he refuses a wheelchair or walking frame.I agree with this and it doesn't sound as if this has been done but there are still two people's needs to be taken into account so all options are on the table until the best one is found.
Re going to the pub - there were several men in my Dad's care home who went to a local pub a couple of times a week. Other people from the home still went out to club meetings and church services on their own.Britain is great but Manchester is greater0 -
Thank god someone is seeing my aunts side of the situation. My uncle is very domineering somedays he refuses to walk and she has had to lift him as he refuses a wheelchair or walking frame.
Why would she lift him if he's capable of walking but just refuses? I thought you said earlier that he was over 6 foot and that she couldn't lift him?0
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