Pressure from 'Friends' and people you know

Feels nice in a weird sort of way to know other people are in the same boat. I think its difficult for my OH as she is the kind of person who likes to please everyone else before herself. She doesn't feel gutted about not being able to do things for herself, but because her friends get annoyed. I'm used to doing less as I had to save up the deposit (I did this before meeting her). But its taking some adjusting as she was a bit reckless in the past.

I might be being paranoid, but from time to time it actually feels like people resent us for having what we have, and not having any debt anymore, so sometimes it feels like they deliberately do things and almost wish we where in the same mess as they are?

It just feels pretty !!!!!!, we spent more on going to someone's wedding last month then we spent on Xmas presents for each other. Weddings are so excessive these days... It feels like every occasion feels like its way over the top now... stuff like christenings are what weddings used to be?

One of my OH's friends asked us for a YES/NO on coming to their wedding the other day, and needed to know within 2 days - the cost per couple was £1900...who has got £1900 that they would wanna spend on travel and accommodation, never mind clothes, food, drink etc?

I honestly don't know how our friends manage all of the stuff they do, out of all of our friends, we earn somewhere towards the top of them all, (combined income), have the cheapest house and still struggle. They must have some serious debt to service their lifestyles....

RAS wrote: »

Hi
Are you sure about the statement I highlighted? Is that really really we, or is it I?

A couple of pointers; women worry more about relationships and read more into stuff (which may not even be there); being sexist but I am one.

And maybe learn a trick from BIL managed DS's capacity to spend well.

Each month there was along list of things she wanted to do or have. They simply could not afford it.

He would work out the finances and ask her what she wanted" We have this much this month, so you can have the new curtains, a night (brief weekend) away or get the plumbing for the washing machine done?"

He left her to choose and went with her choice, no grumbles. It was not long before she found ways to get the new curtains and a social event (by buying very cheap seconds fabric and getting them made up and sourcing a good deal).

No, it is definately we. It just seems a lot more difficult with her friends then mine most of the time. If I tell my male mates that I'm skint, most of the time they will just accept it, and say nothing. Or suggest that they will take a hit and pay this time and i'll pay next, or that we can just hang out.

With her girl mates tho, its never just a cuppa or a nice cheap meal. For example, she got cheap tickets for horse riding this month (few quid)... this has now turned into... Lunch in town at an expensive place, horse riding, tea at another expensive place and then a few drinks on the quayside...

So something that was bought through a deal website (so she could see her friends without spending a fortune and drive to avoid taxi's) and was supposed to cost like £12, has now turned into 2 meals out, drinks and 2 taxi's....

jinky67 wrote: »

Is your OH the cause of your debt problems? She sounds like a keeping up with the Jones's type to me.

She needs to toughen up, as do you, and say sorry we cant afford it, end of.

If people dont like it thats their problem, and suggests they are not very good friends after all

Before we both moved out we could service all of these social things, so never built up any debt, now that we have our own place we cant do both... so its more like - how do we handle the transition into being independent while maintaining a social life?

At our worst point we only had about 4k debt from the house, we have none now, but I can quite easily see us going into debt if we continue to keep up with everyone.

She is not the type of person to want the same things as everyone, in a material sort of way, but sometimes when she is going out with them in clothes from 3 years ago and they have a new outfit every single time they go out, it makes her a little sad as she feels a mess.

The reason I started this thread is because, when I was at the wedding the other week someone said to me when I was stood talking to them; "You and OH's problem is, your too sensible."

We are not that sensible really, we buy stuff we don't really need and are excessive in some ways which we shouldn't be. But we seem to be the exception in not having any debt right now, and almost everyone else we know does have. Someone even said, your 20's is for having fun, and your 30's is for paying it back.