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Pressure from 'Friends' and people you know

edited 19 April 2011 at 6:34PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
116 replies 19.1K views
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  • quanticquantic Forumite
    1K posts
    I'd rather be sensible now than in debt when I'm pushing 60.

    Thats what I keep telling myself, be a litte bit sensible now and i'll be glad in the future.
  • quantic wrote: »
    Thats what I keep telling myself, be a litte bit sensible now and i'll be glad in the future.

    Imagine retiring and having to pay your debts off using the pension you'd built up to enable you to have a decent retirement...

    No thanks :rotfl:
  • jinky67jinky67 Forumite
    47.8K posts
    Imagine retiring and having to pay your debts off using the pension you'd built up to enable you to have a decent retirement...

    No thanks :rotfl:
    You think these people have pensions?:eek::rotfl:
    :heartpulsOnce a Flylady, always a Flylady:heartpuls
  • quanticquantic Forumite
    1K posts
    To give you an idea of how mental some of my OH's friends are. One of them has just started a degree in her part time, just so that she could get a student overdraft to buy things with...
  • jinky67 wrote: »
    You think these people have pensions?:eek::rotfl:

    Well, that's their lookout.

    While you're having two holidays a year, safe in the knowledge that you can leave your house to your kids and not the bank, they'll be struggling with letters from DCA's still! :rotfl:
  • quantic wrote: »
    The reason I started this thread is because, when I was at the wedding the other week someone said to me when I was stood talking to them; "You and OH's problem is, your too sensible."

    Someone even said, your 20's is for having fun, and your 30's is for paying it back.

    Hi Quantic

    So your 'friends' see you as having a 'problem' because you are too sensible.

    What complete ballhooks.

    Take it from someone who did the whole '20's is for having fun, 30's is for paying it back' thing that it is NOT WORTH IT.

    Think of this...... if you set yourself up financially for life now in your 20's then in your 30's, it will be you will be going on nice 2 week holidays to places like the Maldives and your friends won't be able to afford it as they will be paying back the debt they racked up in the 20's getting drunk and chucking their money down the toilet.

    The last thing you want to do is spend your 30's struggling to make ends meet from month to month, and (should you and your OH decide to start a family) not be able to give your family a nice life because you are paying for your excesses in your 20's.

    I was in a similar position, and soon found out who my real friends were when I started being firm about what I could afford.

    If my OH had arranged a cheap horse riding trip there is no way it would have been allowed to be hijacked by 'friends' into '2 meals out, drinks and taxis'.

    IMO you need to seriously consider the social circle you have, and whether you need to build a new social network that have the same financial values as you.

    Best of luck

    SnV
    LBM & Debt July 2010 [STRIKE]£19,000[/STRIKE] now - £11,619.60 Long Haul Supporter #247

    Remember Income > Expenditure = MSE Heaven :A and Income < Expenditure MSE Hell :(

    Current STB (sticking to budget) Counter - day 109 (Personal Best - 109 days!)
  • quanticquantic Forumite
    1K posts
    Thanks saltnvinegar, I know your right deep down. I know i'll be glad in the long run... it does make me wonder though, how many people end up in debt through peer pressure. All it takes is for one person or couple within a circle to be loaded and then everyone else seems to spend the same amount regardless of if they can service this kind of lifestyle.

    All we want is to chill out over the next 3-6 months so that we have a little buffer in our banks, incase of an emergency. Then we can start doing more stuff. Hopefully we will have friends still by then...
  • All I can say is that if they are truly your friends then in 3 - 6 months they will still be about. Then you can go out a little more and pay cash to enjoy yourself and they can continue feeding their debt fuelled 20s, 30's and 40's probably.

    From my experience if they are friends they will still be about. I went into being a hermit effectively when my twins were born 16 years ago. Supporting them meant I had no spare cash and I never went out. Took about 5 years to restart my social life! Friends I had then are still friends now. They accepted I could not go out and now we just joke about it.
  • RASRAS Forumite
    28.6K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    quantic wrote: »
    One of them has just started a degree in her part time, just so that she could get a student overdraft to buy things with...


    That's classic!

    I hope she also has the wit to get the cheap student travel and the student deals on cheap weekends away, and the cheap daily paper?
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • little_h_2little_h_2 Forumite
    406 posts
    ✭✭
    It is really difficult. I have friends with bigger incomes than me and in more debt than me, and who I haven't seen in months because they don't come and see me, and I can't afford to go and see them (most of my close friends live a long way away).

    Sadly I have had to be really brutal with myself and realise that I just can't keep up and if they are not prepared to meet me halfway on things, like finding things to do that I can afford, or coming to see me sometimes, then the friendship is not what I thought it was.

    Now I am rebuilding my life after a disastrous relationship, and am looking for local things I can do on a budget. I have to do them on my own as while I have family nearby, there is no-one to split Orange Wednesday with etc. I hope to gradually meet people who I have more in common with. It will take a while, but you sound like you and your OH are working together on your finances so I'm sure you can support her if she needs to ditch some friendships too, whether it's temporary or not.

    I work at weddings regularly and am astonished at how much people spend on the day, hen dos, presents etc. I now have no qualms about saying I can't afford it, but I am generous with my time and will always choose a gift that I think will be appreciated even if it hasn't cost £100s. I love fashion and clothes but most of my favourite items are a good few years old (from when I spent lots of money on very few items!) and will keep me going and looking good for years.

    You can't change them, or make them live your life, clearly they don't want to and that's up to them.

    People fall out over all sorts of things, e.g. they might have a partner you don't like - you can't make them change their minds, you have to choose whether you love them enough as they are to make it worth putting up with them, and hope they see sense sooner rather than later :rotfl:

    I too hate "Oh you're so lucky" - it's not luck, I worked hard and sacrificed a lot to make it this way!

    Sorry for the ramble it's very close to my heart! :mad:
    £9,742 Virgin card (mixture of 6.9% life of balance, rest 0%)
    £3,925 Mint card (0%)
    £4,181 Bank of Scotland card (0%)
    £850 overdraft
    £8,720 on my car loan (8.9%, 39 months to go)
    Total... £27,418
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