Pressure from 'Friends' and people you know
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I was just trying to give you some examples of the kinds of things they expect us to be able to do.. £1900 was for us as a couple to attend their wedding abroad. Its not like any of our friends are particularly well off either, which is the part that baffles me the most. I could maybe understand this if they had given us like 2/3 years notice, but a few days. Do they really just expect us to say, aye no bother.
Its somewhat worrying how little security people in my generation seem to have, they all seem to live on a knife edge, month to month, paying the minimum on CC's. No security net. I suppose thats up to them, but its becoming frustrating when people question why you cannot do things they 'can'.
I think the problem is that we are hanging around with the wrong crowd and need to find people more in fitting with the kind of people we are. Easier said then done though. As mentioned in the thread by people, I cannot really expect them to change to suit us, I don't. I just wish they would respect us not wanting to do expensive stuff all the time, and not have an opinion on it like I don't say anything about them.
Ah well, I guess time will tell.
Doesn't feel like anyone is prepared to earn anything anymore. I think this may be why so many people in my age bracket struggle to save up a deposit, not because they dont have the funds, just they have become so accustomed to the idea of buy now pay later.
Hello OP
I thought I would share some randomness from my own DF journey. I was really lucky as pretty much all of my friends were completely supportive and understanding when I was clearing my debt (none of them minded 'slumming it' with me when I was on my uber teeny budget when I was having a big push for a year at the start of my DFW journey) BUT i do have several friends that are in quite a bit of debt and when I told them that I was making good headway the response I got from a few was 'oh, good or you, personally I think life is too short to worry about it but I am really pleased you are sorting yours' - there wasn't a side, they really were pleased for me, they just hadn't had their LBM yet. One even freaks out now when I tell him I am debt free, he just doesn't really want to hear it is possible because then he would think deeply about his own situation and he isn't ready for that.
I wonder if these guys are the same, they just aren't ready to face their own debt. I know that when I was still racking it up I always figured it was something I would deal with eventually, I probably thought that I'd win the lottery or land some uber job or something that would suddenly change my situation.
I guess what I am trying to say is 'to each their own', If I were in your situation I would hope that I would keep up the good work on my own situation and not give in to their pressure but also not judge them too harshly either, they are just in a different place mentally.
Sealed Pot #389 (2010=£133)
I'm jokingly (I hope!!) referred to as "tight" by one of my friends, but she also knows that if we go out for the night we'll get a good deal as I'll normally find a dinner voucher for us, and possibly cheap drinks too.
I'm lucky in that most of my friends were very supportive of my budget. When a good friend got married I was up front about the fact that our gift was going to have to be our attendance and participation in her wedding (me bridesmaid, Mr F usher) as we couldn't afford to buy clothes for the wedding, get a hotel and buy a gift. They were fine with that. Real friends shouldn't want to check your bank balance
It sounds to me like your friends (or your OH's friends) might be either earning more than you or haven't had their LBM yet, in which case just keep saying no until they know that you mean it.
Trust me, the day that you make your final debt payment makes saying no worthwhile
The danger you're in here is that you think you're right. Of course we're all moneysavers so we think you're right too and are reinforcing you thinking this. But that's not really how you can approach it with a group of friends. Even worse than someone who challenges your behaviour is someone who is sanctimonious alongside this.
It's understandable that your partner doesn't want to be alienated from her group of friends. I wonder is there anyone in the group who might be more understanding if you got them away from the group dynamic. Surely there's one person who earns less than the others or who just bought a house or is thinking about kids? Sometimes you can challenge the culture one person at a time.
I mean I can't remember the last time one of them said to either of us, I miss you let's do something - or something to that effect. It seems to me that everyone is more focused on the thing then the people involved.
I don't think anyone should be made to feel more or less valuable as a friend because of their ability to do 'stuff' and thus see them more.
I mean, people manage to do stuff when they are young and don't have any money or jobs, so why so incapable now!!
This is exactly what we do with our circle of close friends.
Had a dinner party last weekend, everyone was given the task of bringing a bottle of wine to go with the menu and one piece of cheese for after the meal. Works well and keeps costs down.
Next month we are going to one of the friend's houses as they are returning the favour, very economical way to have fun, I think it cost us around £40 to produce the meal but you could do it for less than that.
Not sure beans on toast would go down well though.
Okay I don't see the big deal here that can't be jazzed up with accesories? Some of my church clothes (and yes you offended and hurt my feelings excrutiatingly for using the 'c' word and taking my Lord's name in vain in the above post by Quantic last posted to this) I've had for 10 years and then they were only £1 in a charity shop. Really don't see the prob.....unless it's about trying to keep up with the 'joneses' which is so not worth it..
That is just crazeeeee!!!!. Such a pathetic reason to study. If only I was well enough to study. Boy...that makes my blood boil.
So yeah. Maybe I don't have the fancy job like you do but am just decorating my pad (first time in 10 years. Was an exchange) and noticed B&Q last weekend @ least had 3 for 2 on paint and 10% off if you spent more than £30 for a few weeks (you got a coupon)...so yeah....it's possible...
Compromise and go for the cheaper alternative if possible. One of my aquaintances has not has his LBM and is now on JSA and finding things tough (less than 10% of what he was on)...I told him not to not go for his coffees out but have them cheaper. He ignored me....:mad:
E
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