Would you like a surprise party?

NeilCr · 11 October 2018 at 4:49PM

Pollycat wrote: »

Did sister 1 & 2 consider the effect of their future relationship with their sister before going ahead with this !!!!-eyed plan?
Of course they didn't.
So why should the OP consider them?
They knew that she wouldn't appreciate a surprise party but went ahead with planning it anyway.

This isn't about the OP considering Sister 1 and 2. That would be easy. This is about taking into account Sister 3's situation and all the other people who have been invited. As well as her own feelings.

Difficult. I'd still go.

supermezzo · 11 October 2018 at 5:03PM

I wouldn't let on that you know about it to protect Sis 3.

If, as you assume to be correct, that the guest list comprises of your facebook list (amongst others), I'd be having a post along the lines of 'hubby and I just booked a weekend away for my birthday & we're off to *insert place*,

That way, word is out and they have time to cancel things without there being a standoff.

This way, they are then left with the choice of a) cancelling it and never mentioning it to you or b) telling you themselves which gives Sis 3 the all clear.

There will be fallout but they only have themselves to blame for that.

Pollycat · 11 October 2018 at 5:14PM

NeilCr wrote: »

This isn't about the OP considering Sister 1 and 2. That would be easy. This is about taking into account Sister 3's situation and all the other people who have been invited. As well as her own feelings.

Difficult. I'd still go.

I disagree.
It's 100% about the OP considering sisters 1&2 and their arbitrary decision to go against what they knew their sister (the OP) didn't want.
They - and they alone - are responsible for this mess
The OP can work things out with sister 3.
But the fact remains that sisters 1&2 went totally against what they knew the OP wanted.
The OP has made her feelings very clear

I think there is still time to let the guests down without too much financial loss to them.
As for sister 1 & 2, any financial loss is down to them.
And they deserve it.

NeilCr · 11 October 2018 at 5:33PM

Pollycat wrote: »

I disagree.
It's 100% about the OP considering sisters 1&2 and their arbitrary decision to go against what they knew their sister (the OP) didn't want.
They - and they alone - are responsible for this mess
The OP can work things out with sister 3.
But the fact remains that sisters 1&2 went totally against what they knew the OP wanted.
The OP has made her feelings very clear

I think there is still time to let the guests down without too much financial loss to them.
As for sister 1 & 2, any financial loss is down to them.
And they deserve it.

I thought you might!

:D:D:D

It isn't 100% OP considering Sisters 1 and 2. Sister 3 is involved and has asked OP certain things (don't say you found out from me) so she has to be aware - and take account - of that. Or are you saying she shouldn't?

How does OP work it out with Sister3 exactly? Cos that's part of the solution.

It's another thread where the self centredeness of some MSE posters becomes apparent. I fully agree that sisters 1 and 2 were out of order. But, OP is where she is and any reasonable person would be aware of the complexities of the situation and not just get into a tit for tat with sisters 1 and 2.

hazyjo · 11 October 2018 at 5:36PM

I would hate it - but would go and probably enjoy myself after some polite hellos and short chitchat with long lost acquaintances, but would definitely spend the majority of the night with MY ACTUAL CLOSE FRIENDS getting rather pie-eyed.

Failing that, say your hubby has booked a surprise holiday and book a cheapie if you can afford the time off and money.

If you don't go, be prepared for a big fall-out (despite you not wanting it, not asking for it, and generally hating that sort of thing).

Good luck!

happyandcontented · 11 October 2018 at 5:52PM

I would really hate a surprise party because I am a control freak and any party for a significant birthday I would want to have input to and control of. That said, under the circumstances, I would go along with it for the sake of family harmony.

I think that in the scheme of things three or four hours is not that much and if you don't want to do a speech you don't have to, just ask the DJ to make an announcement.

Mercenary · 11 October 2018 at 7:12PM

With the OP having stated that they intensely dislike the idea of a surprise party and looking for some reassurance about what to do as they actually want to be supported in their desire to refuse to attend, it's really not very helpful to be advised to go along with it, grit their teeth, get drunk etc. Some people strongly dislike social situations...not just ones like this.

OP just tell your sisters that you have found out and that they knew you wouldn't want it, so to please cancel it all. If they protest, just tell them to have the party for themselves as you want to celebrate your birthday in your own way. I feel horrified for you at the closing-in of the net in this situation.
There is enough time for your sisters to cancel or rearrange the focus of the event.
Your birthday. Your wishes apply.

I too have a sister who loves parties, socialising and arranging events like this and in fact, while staying with her once, she did actually blindside me with a surprise birthday lunch attended by her friends who I didn't know. It was horrible and very uncomfortable! I don't drink either, so it wasn't like I could deal with it that way.
I told her afterwards that she knew I'd hate it and if that ever happened again I would just walk away and not care if I was rude.

swingaloo · 11 October 2018 at 7:30PM

Thank you for the replies. An assorted set of responses but I need that. It is a 'round number' birthday but Ive had those before and they have passed without any fuss.

I thought about it non stop, Im not being precious (thanks to the poster who said 'I should get over myself') and really the more I think about it I feel that the party is more for them, one in particular, than for me.

My sister is very assertive and the type of person who if you said you didn't like a particular colour or song she would say 'Oh you must do, what is wrong with you'. Very much wants to impose her choices on others and seems blind to anyone saying anything negative about her choices.

I cant see any other way forward but to go along with it. If I went away then I would feel so guilty especially because of sister 3 as I know she has contributed to the cost and she is not exactly well off. Again, she would have been put on the spot about contributing and it will be enough for her managing Christmas. The party is the last weekend in November.

Im not going to give it away that I know because of her but I am going to drop into the conversation over the weekend that I think hubby has booked us a weekend away. Of course they will probably ring hubby to check and he said he will play along with me and say he is planning to book somewhere so they will have to tell him what they have planned.

Its a bit petty to do that but at the moment Im feeling so annoyed that they have done this. Sister 3 said to me today that for what it has cost them all they could have sent me for a weekend away and that she had suggested they do that instead but that idea had been poo-poo'd by the others.

I don't want a family row so I don't really have a choice but to go along with it.

I will buy them both something I don't think they will like for Christmas, lol.

Fireflyaway · 11 October 2018 at 8:00PM

I'd hate a party of any sort but a noisy busy one full of people I don't know would be horrid.
I guess your sisters had good intentions but if they know you don't like this sort of thing it is a bit selfish and inconsiderate.
It's nice of you to not want to disappoint them. I'd probably do the same as you and go along to keep the peace! Maybe go for a bit to show willing and then leave early to go somewhere nice with your husband?

pickledonionspaceraider · 11 October 2018 at 8:07PM

I think I am the only one, but I would love a surprise party.

A get together and fun evening, where I didn't have to do anything? OOOO yes

I think your sisters did it with love, OP. You never know, you may enjoy it

Im genuinely surprised there are a lot of people who would be offended in some way by this

Not to mention the amount of time, effort and money, something like this costs - and none of it at your expense OP. I dont see how any of this reflects badly on your sisters whatsoever if i'm honest. It is really hard work organising a suprise party - we did one one year for our mum, who enjoyed it massively, she was the last person dancing

Would you like a surprise party?

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