Parents want to meet boyfriend

Cheeseface · 12 November 2017 at 10:08AM

Kirstie_ wrote: »

My mum still think the things she does, because once I come home and missed breakfast and lunch she thought he wasn't feeding me, I just got up late and missed lunch! So in her mind theres an issue.

Run through all possible awkward type scenarios and use the same technique of throwing it back to your mum. Agree with her and don't start the argument. It really does take two to argue.

Kirstie: "Mum, it's not my boyfriend's job to feed me. I'm 26 years old and if I miss a meal, it's my fault"
Boyfriend "I said the same thing to her, but it was a one off. She usually eats really well. I didn't know much about coeliac disease before, it must have been very worrying to have a child with coeliacs mrs Kirsties mum."

Marvel1 · 12 November 2017 at 10:09AM

Just pre-warn him what to expect, then it's not a shock.

FBaby · 12 November 2017 at 10:10AM

26? Time your mum realises that she needs to find something else in life to control. You need to have a serious talk with her first and tell her that the conditions upon her meeting your boyfriend is that she respects your relationship with him and not that he is taking over her role to look after you.

I would pre-warn your boyfriend to though and tell him not to pay attention if she makes comments that make him feel uncomfortable.

Poor_Single_lady · 12 November 2017 at 10:51AM

I don't understand why it is controlling to want to want to get to know your daughters boyfriend. Or controlling to be upset when she doesn't eat.

I would expect same if I lived with my parents.

Red-Squirrel_2 · 12 November 2017 at 12:10PM

26? I thought you must be a teenager, 20 at most!

You are so far into adulthood that your mum treating you like this should be so far in the past that its a distant memory. Assuming you don't have any learning disabilities or cognitive impairment, why are you , a grown adult, letting your mum have so much control over your life? Its very weird that she thinks you need to be 'fed' like a child rather than being responsible for looking after yourself like every other competent adult!

gycraig_2 · 12 November 2017 at 12:59PM

I'm a 27 year old bloke and I would literally laugh at your mum if she tried pulling any of that !!!!, you are a grown woman he is you partner not your new mum. Let them meet but pre warn your partner.

Kirstie_ · 12 November 2017 at 1:30PM

FBaby wrote: »

26? Time your mum realises that she needs to find something else in life to control. You need to have a serious talk with her first and tell her that the conditions upon her meeting your boyfriend is that she respects your relationship with him and not that he is taking over her role to look after you.

I would pre-warn your boyfriend to though and tell him not to pay attention if she makes comments that make him feel uncomfortable.

I will do, I'll have a talk with my dad see if he can be there when I have the talk

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

I don't understand why it is controlling to want to want to get to know your daughters boyfriend. Or controlling to be upset when she doesn't eat.

I would expect same if I lived with my parents.

I get that but the comments she can come out with can be hurtful, and I don't want my boyfriend to

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

26? I thought you must be a teenager, 20 at most!

You are so far into adulthood that your mum treating you like this should be so far in the past that its a distant memory. Assuming you don't have any learning disabilities or cognitive impairment, why are you , a grown adult, letting your mum have so much control over your life? Its very weird that she thinks you need to be 'fed' like a child rather than being responsible for looking after yourself like every other competent adult!

No, no issues, she worries because when I was diagnosed I was very ill and was in hospital. She is worried that my boyfriend doesn't get what I need (special foods like bread etc) and I am hungry. I really am not, I have more food here than I could possibly eat!

Mojisola · 12 November 2017 at 1:37PM

Kirstie_ wrote: »

She is worried that my boyfriend doesn't get what I need (special foods like bread etc) and I am hungry. I really am not, I have more food here than I could possibly eat!

But your BF isn't a babysitter who needs to follow your parent's instructions - you're old enough to say what you need and get it for yourself if necessary!

As you are an adult, your mother needs to trust you and let you get on with your life. She might still worry but that doesn't give her the right to interfere in your life - especially as you are managing just fine.

pollypenny · 12 November 2017 at 5:09PM

Of course your mum wants to meet your boyfriend. Why wouldn't she?

But tell her not to fuss about your food. It's your own responsibility to ensure you eat probably or otherwise suffer the consequences.

Poor_Single_lady · 12 November 2017 at 5:20PM

I still don't understand this.
Why do you live with them. If your mum is "controlling" (I don't think she is). At 26 and "an adult" could you not move out.

And why did you tell your mum you had skipped 2 meals if you knew this would make her worry. You could have just kept this information to yourself which is what most people would have done if they didn't want to make the situation worse.

In her mind it's not that "he isn't feeding you" it's that he doesn't have anything to eat at his house. Which is a fair assumption. If somebody who claims to be an adult (with a history of being poorly over dietary conditions) has missed 2 meals.
How would you feel if you were your mum.

Parents want to meet boyfriend

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