Would you like a surprise party?

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  • annandale
    annandale Posts: 1,469 Forumite
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    I would go. And I am not a party person either. 100 people are making the effort to travel to this and I bet some people will have longer travels than you are making.

    You don't have to make a thank you speech. Don't go and you will always be known as the person who didn't turn up to a party people made effort to organise for you, you will come off looking far worse in people's eyes than the people who organised this for you.

    You might not deserve a backlash, but Id think you would probably get one. I would be cheesed off if I traveled a long way to go to a party for someone and they didn't bother turning up.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    annandale wrote: »
    I would go. And I am not a party person either. 100 people are making the effort to travel to this and I bet some people will have longer travels than you are making.

    You don't have to make a thank you speech. Don't go and you will always be known as the person who didn't turn up to a party people made effort to organise for you, you will come off looking far worse in people's eyes than the people who organised this for you.

    You might not deserve a backlash, but Id think you would probably get one. I would be cheesed off if I traveled a long way to go to a party for someone and they didn't bother turning up.

    There is plenty of time to cancel the whole thing - no-one has to travel to it.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,686 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    There is plenty of time to cancel the whole thing - no-one has to travel to it.

    Absolutely.
    It's not a done deal.
    But sadly, the 2 sisters seem to have backed the OP into corner so she's thinking about having to go (as opposed to going).
    Why are some people so arrogant that they think they know you better than you know yourself?
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,317 Forumite
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    edited 13 October 2018 at 12:08PM
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    annandale wrote: »
    You might not deserve a backlash, but Id think you would probably get one. I would be cheesed off if I traveled a long way to go to a party for someone and they didn't bother turning up.

    If I had been invited to a surprise party for someone I knew hated surprise parties, I wouldn't be travelling a long way to go without checking first that it wasn't all going to be a total car crash of an affair that my friend would hate!

    If I didn't know them well enough to know their feelings on surprise parties, then we obviously aren't really friends, just acquaintances, so I wouldn't go anyway, let alone travel a long way to do so.
    But then any party, surprise or not, is my idea of hell! :D
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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    annandale wrote: »
    100 people are making the effort to travel to this and I bet some people will have longer travels than you are making.

    I would be cheesed off if I traveled a long way to go to a party for someone and they didn't bother turning up.

    The two sisters who organised the do obviously don't care about this - they can't know for sure that swingaloo is actually going to be around on the day - it wouldn't be that unusual for the couple to be going away as birthday celebration or that her husband hadn't booked a dinner at a smart restaurant or had tickets for a show.
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    edited 13 October 2018 at 12:26PM
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    jackieblack wrote: »
    If I had been invited to a surprise party for someone I knew hated surprise parties, I wouldn't be travelling a long way to go without checking first that it wasn't all going to be a total car crash of an affair that my friend would hate!

    If I didn't know them well enough to know their feelings on surprise parties, I wouldn't go in the first place, let alone travel a long way to do so.

    Don't disagree. Although checking on the chances of a surprise party going ahead may be a challenge. :):)

    But the OP did say that there were over 100 people coming and they included some she hasn't seen for quite a while. These folks may not know her feelings on parties and be looking forward to seeing an old friend. I've just met up with two ladies who I used to work with many years ago who I haven't seen for ages. It was delightful but I have no idea on their thoughts on surprise parties (should one of their partners ask me to one).

    And, yes, folks who think they know better than you are a royal pain in the butt. I have a friend or two like that. Tend to keep them at arm's length!
  • MysteryMe
    MysteryMe Posts: 3,052 Forumite
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    swingaloo wrote: »
    Thank you for the replies. An assorted set of responses but I need that. It is a 'round number' birthday but Ive had those before and they have passed without any fuss.


    I thought about it non stop, Im not being precious (thanks to the poster who said 'I should get over myself') and really the more I think about it I feel that the party is more for them, one in particular, than for me.


    My sister is very assertive and the type of person who if you said you didn't like a particular colour or song she would say 'Oh you must do, what is wrong with you'. Very much wants to impose her choices on others and seems blind to anyone saying anything negative about her choices.


    I cant see any other way forward but to go along with it. If I went away then I would feel so guilty especially because of sister 3 as I know she has contributed to the cost and she is not exactly well off. Again, she would have been put on the spot about contributing and it will be enough for her managing Christmas. The party is the last weekend in November.

    Im not going to give it away that I know because of her but I am going to drop into the conversation over the weekend that I think hubby has booked us a weekend away. Of course they will probably ring hubby to check and he said he will play along with me and say he is planning to book somewhere so they will have to tell him what they have planned.


    Its a bit petty to do that but at the moment Im feeling so annoyed that they have done this. Sister 3 said to me today that for what it has cost them all they could have sent me for a weekend away and that she had suggested they do that instead but that idea had been poo-poo'd by the others.

    I don't want a family row so I don't really have a choice but to go along with it.

    I will buy them both something I don't think they will like for Christmas, lol.

    I think you've taken a pragmatic approach to this. I can't stand parties either but as someone else said, it's often the things I've not looked forward to that I've enjoyed the most. I don't think the best way to put a fire out is to pour petrol on it, there are some things I would make a stand over, a party is not one of them. Go along with it and have a quiet laugh to yourself Christmas Day thinking about the sisters opening their presents.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    I would rather pull my teeth out than go to a surprise party organised for me.

    I cannot believe the arrogance of them to organise this without at the very least consulting with your husband.

    By attending it is my view their controlling behaviour is being enabled and they will learn nothing from this.
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    edited 14 October 2018 at 7:16PM
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    I would rather pull my teeth out than go to a surprise party organised for me.

    I cannot believe the arrogance of them to organise this without at the very least consulting with your husband.

    By attending it is my view their controlling behaviour is being enabled and they will learn nothing from this.

    Well you can do something about the controlling behaviour

    In this case, taking account of all those OP knows are attending, I'd put on my game face, turn up and make sure (as best as I could) everyone had a good time

    A short while after I'd sit Sisters 1 and 2 down. Tell them that I appreciate that they organised it despite knowing I hated surprise parties and that, even though I didn't want to be there I'd "gone along with it" to ensure the evening worked. And, if they ever did that again, I'd turn round and walk right out of the surprise party (and I would)
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 413 Forumite
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    I don't believe for one second 100 people will come, or at least not 100 people that the OP knows!

    I bet many of the guests will be the sister's friends etc.

    OP I know you have decided to go through with this and wish you the best of luck on the evening.

    I do think however that after the event you do need a strong word with your sisters so this sort of thing doesn't happen again. Two of your sisters don't care about your boundaries, and the other sister is too weak to stand up to them.
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