Children and Funerals

cheeks · 28 December 2011 at 11:09PM

Thank you for your reply Gingham R, i haven't asked the children whether they would like to go, to be honest i don't think they'd know what they were letting themselves in for x

onlyroz · 28 December 2011 at 11:17PM

I would not let the 5-year-old go, but I think the 9-year-old should be given a choice to go or not. However, I think they should both go along to the wake.

Apricot · 28 December 2011 at 11:19PM

Very sorry for your loss xxx

How do you think your children would react seeing you and the rest of their family being visibly upset? My instinct would be that it hasn't really affected them as they never met the babies so wouldn't completely comprehend what all the upset is about and that might cause more harm then good?

cheeks · 28 December 2011 at 11:20PM

Thank you all for your replies.
Sarahjayne, i'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl x
And also for the loss of your Nana, my thoughts are with you x
I will tell my sister about SANDS, its so good to have people to chat with who have been through similar

dibuzz · 28 December 2011 at 11:21PM

My kids were between 6 and 12 when their grandad died and all went to the funeral, the elder 2 also went to a friend's 5 year old son's funeral when they were 9 and 7 but we thought the younger 2 were too young.
I think in this case I'd not take them unless they desperately wanted to go but definitely do something special with them and maybe get them to plant a rose bush or something in memory of the babies.

surreysaver · 28 December 2011 at 11:32PM

I agree with Gingham. You need to involve the children in the decision, regardless of how much or little you think they understand. If you do not involve them and make the decision on their behalf, they may not thank you for it in the future.

mrcow · 28 December 2011 at 11:41PM

I wouldn't take them and I wouldn't give them a choice either. If is was someone they knew closely, then that would be a little different but this is going to be very different. A funeral for a baby like this is not the same as a funeral for someone that people got to know.

If I were you, I would offer to look after my sister's kids too and have the four of them together. That's one less thing she'll have to worry about on the day. It's stressful enough as it is.

skipsmum · 28 December 2011 at 11:44PM

As others have said, adults funerals are grim, but babies funerals are awful...everyone is distraught. Small children will find the adults reactions are very odd. As others have said, you can plant something (my son planted a willow for our daughter, he was 6 at the time) or balloons, definitely mark it in some special way, but really think about wether you can help your children in the funeral itself because I think you will be too distraught.

alwaysbrassic · 28 December 2011 at 11:56PM

Totally agree with trying to arrange a goodbye for the children another way. A couple of years ago my close friends lost their baby girl.
The funeral was horrific, so hard to deal with. My ever thoughtful friend though, even in her grief, arranged a little send off for the young children to be at while the funeral took place where the children all released balloons. It seemed very appropriate, I think the presence of children would have made the experience of the funeral harder for everyone.

Kitten_Pie · 28 December 2011 at 11:57PM

Hi,

Not sure if I can add anything new but will try.

Just over 2 months ago I lost my Identical boy twins at 31 weeks (stillborn) so know a little of what the parents are going through.

With regards to the funeral we had family only attend and left it open to my sil to bring her son (5 so a little younger) she didn't bring him along and no other children came either. In hindsight I think this was the best course of action. We needed alot of support and our sisters/brothers were the ones that we took most comfort from and with their children there they would not have been able to give us the support we so needed.

Only you know what your family dynamic is like, there is no right or wrong here.

Children and Funerals

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