Can't decide whether to have kids or not

Well if everybody thought like that, nobody would be here.
When they arrive you adjust to suit,the situation .

I could have written your post 8 years ago! We were very niave when we eventually decided to have them .It isa very different life, the stress, tiredness, strain on relationship and financial implications are huge. It took a couple of years to adjust as we had had a very nice life before with lots of holidays, meals out, cars etc

We had a rosy image of continuing our outdoor lifestyle with little ones joining In the fun. In reality our daughter is severely disabled (something i had never even considered when deciding to have children) our life revolves around therapies, appointments and equipment. As DUTR said, you adapt and find ways of doing things.

HOWEVER, I still wouldn't want to go back to life without them. she has taught me so much about what is important in life. The love, fun, watching them grow and develop etc far outweighs the material things. It was a huge decision for us, but one I'm very glad we made.

DKLS wrote: »

I have had a few parents say that if they had their time again they wouldn't have gone down the route of kids, but would suggest that even if they thought it not many parents would admit it as society says its a bit of a no no and raising kids is wonderful and full of unconditional love, best thing you could ever do yada yada.


I would suggest hanging around this forum for a bit its enough to put anyone off a child. The amount of posters who have kids who either just full of problems or just turn out !!!! is high.

It's biased representation though isn't it? No one creates a thread to say how wonderful their children are because that would make them look like a twat. It's a forum where people ask for advice, hence people who are posting about their kids do so because they need some support.

The many, many millions of people who aren't posting are the ones without the problems or !!!! kids. They're a far bigger proportion of society.

And you obviously don't check out the newborn thread very often: that's full of people talking about what a blessing their children are.

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's biased representation though isn't it? No one creates a thread to say how wonderful their children are because that would make them look like a twat. It's a forum where people ask for advice, hence people who are posting about their kids do so because they need some support.

The many, many millions of people who aren't posting are the ones without the problems or !!!! kids. They're a far bigger proportion of society.

And you obviously don't check out the newborn thread very often: that's full of people talking about what a blessing their children are.

But this forum does show the problems that some people can face with ex's, schools, behaviour, illness, trying to find an "ism" that explains why their child's behaviour is !!!! etc etc.

No I dont go to the new born thread but thats biased as well isnt it?as the posters there have only just got their child and the negatives havent had much time to kick in.

I will have to see if I can find the paper a former colleague wrote and post it, based on follow ups with parents who had been successful with IVF, it made interesting reading. :eek:

To put it very plainly, the thing you need to think about - when you're not able to have kids any more (ie: past the age/menopause etc..) will you regret it? As in you may be undecided now but imagine yourself (at whatever age you think is too old) and think about how you would feel having the decision taken away forever. If you're cool with that, (which many are and that's absolutely fine) then maybe it's not for you.

We've really struggled to to have children and am reaching end of 30's. My OH and I don't feel the huge urge that I've seen others experience, however, I don't want to rule out children in our future altogether as I know we would be great parents and want this.

Some people may say this is the wrong thing to say, but it's just my slant. They're expensive little creatures too! ;-)