Can't decide whether to have kids or not

Bufger

I was in exactly the same situation as you. At 25 we both said we werent interested in having kids. We had our house, plans for the wedding and plenty of disposible income! Really we were living the dream and said we would look at it again when we were 30.

I'm now 28 and have 2 kids!!! haha. Both were unplanned and OH MY GOD what a shock it has been to our system but when my 2 year old is running around in his pants pretending he is Tree-Fu-Tom and my 7 month old is following him around the living room shuffling on his bum and smiling it makes me realise how lucky I am.

I go to work and work hard for my family. I now do DIY with the purpose of improving my families situation. Everything I do is for them and it makes me happy :A

You dont need to necessarily want Children to be good parents as it comes naturally to some and doesnt to others. I cant believe I didnt want children looking back. We're currently trying to improve our financial situation so we can comfortably have 1 or 2 more

Hezzawithkids

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

If you have to ask then the answer is probably going to be no.

This ^^^^^

marisco_2

thunderbird wrote: »

never experience so much love and so much worry as when you have children.

Beautifully put, really sums up being a parent.

Carl31

IMO, having children, being a parent is one of the only true feelings of being human you can get
They are part of you, your wife/husband isn't, they are just someone, they could be anyone, but ultimately they are unrelated
The happy, rosy, running through summers meadow visions you have about you and your new family before being a parent are far and few between, but I feel life would be pretty empty without children, careers and money, which ultimately is what people don't have children for are just made up things that can be taken away at the drop of a hat, Children give a natural sense of fulfilment

heartbreak_star

marisco wrote: »

I dont blame you for being annoyed about that comment. Couples can be perfect for each other and only need each other. Whilst for many there is a natural desire to want to have children it doesn't apply to all. Just because you take that life choice does not mean you are with the wrong man.

It really does make me want to go gnaw chunks out of something.

Carl, I understand your sentiment...but to me my OH IS part of me - he couldn't "be anybody". He completes me - and our relationship gives me that sense of contentment and fulfilment that other will get from having children.

HBS x

Lifeforms

heartbreak_star wrote: »

As an aside, it does annoy me when my mum says "ah but if your OH was the RIGHT man you'd WANT to have his babies".

He IS the right one for me. NEITHER of us want children.

I wish the docs would sterilise me, but I'm only 33.

HBS x

I recently chatted with a lady social worker who just could not get her head around me being so decisive about not wanting, or needing children. Despite my calm and reasoned debate on it, all she could fall back on but if you met the "right guy"...

I am even more clearer, than I ever have been, about it. No i didn't grow up hating dolls, and babies, and of course when I was 8,9,10, whatever, had my baby dolls, but as life has gone on, I just do not want children.

But to some people, it really is like I am a freak of nature. Invariable it gets into an argument of how can you be safe with children if you "hate" them so much. I guess along the lines of if you haven't ever had a child, how could you know what to do correctly. Also this is never friends, it's usually the outer circle.

As I keep trying to get over, I don't hate kids. Kids are amazing, and do the most incredible of things, I love to look after them, I have trained in Nursery Nursing, but I like it more when I give them back after having them for a while. I then get to go home and put my feet up, and watch my tv program and cook my own food, and not have to move to pick up after anyone elses toys (gadgets! )

Naturally it must fall on BUT you must hate children if you don't want them. Always by people who have kids, and when I meet someone else who doesn't want them, we can often share the same stories. I am normal, I just don't want to procreate. I think it's harder as well because I am straight. My lesbian friends couple gets nothing about kids because they believe it's just assumed they never would have any as they have the sperm missing. (N.B this is not my thought!)

marisco_2

Carl31 wrote: »

IMO, having children, being a parent is one of the only true feelings of being human you can get
They are part of you, your wife/husband isn't, they are just someone, they could be anyone, but ultimately they are unrelated
The happy, rosy, running through summers meadow visions you have about you and your new family before being a parent are far and few between, but I feel life would be pretty empty without children, careers and money, which ultimately is what people don't have children for are just made up things that can be taken away at the drop of a hat, Children give a natural sense of fulfilment

I agree with the way you feel about children. However before having them, I would hope that most would view the person they are planning to have a baby with, as far more than just someone, could be anyone and unrelated! The person you decide to have children with should be the most important person in your life and someone you are making a lifetime commitment to. I could not contemplate having children with a man that I did not feel that way about.

pukkamum

I know of a couple who had kids mainly because they felt it was the right thing to do and all their friends were, they were of a more mature age and their social life was very important to them as was their income.
They now struggle, they clearly take very little pleasure in their offspring and it is very obvious they see them as a hindrance to their social lives, they drag said kids to adult parties, adult weekends away and when others are around they ignore them completely, I am not saying they do not love them but as the mum said to me, if she could have seen the future she would havethought more carefully about her choices, please think very hard about why you want to have kids and whether you can cope with the kind of life having them means.

red_devil

i met a lady recently who said she didnt want children she was too selfish and you had to be unselfish to be a parent.

She had stepchildren but no kids of her own and didnt seem to regret it she knew what she wanted.

The thing is if you dont have children there is nothing back when they are grown up is there? No visiting, no grandchildren, no holidays together. Just no family really and you find most others have.

I know my my mum would be lost without my sister who she sees alot of.

meer53

Lifeforms wrote: »

I then get to go home and put my feet up, and watch my tv program and cook my own food, and not have to move to pick up after anyone elses toys (gadgets! )

Fair play to you if you don't want children.

BUT, i have children and i get to come home and put my feet up, i watch what i want to on tv and i get to cook my own food too. As for the picking up bit, my kids are trained to pick their own up !

To be honest, what you describe above applies to most men as well as children ! There is no OH in my house, it makes things much easier !