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To men/women who work LONG hours - what can OH do to help?
Comments
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if its his job and hours that are the CAUSE of his stress - apart from making his time with YOU almost zen like in calm - I really dont see what YOU can do!
HE chooses this lifestyle hun - it isnt forced on him. he can change it if he really wants to. if he doesnt - then just make his time with you as relaxed as possible. and stop stressing yourself about it!0 -
His working hours are not rare my OH does mega hours. His fav is to have a foot massage every night when he is lay in bed. He reckons it helps him relax.
I dont ask him to do any jobs at home, any jobs i cant do i get someone in to do them.
we dont take long holidays, we try and take lots of short breaks at least Once a month, he feels it does him better to have a long weekend away somewhere.
perhaps you could book for him and daughter to go to a spa for a day. Most girls that ages would enjoy a pamper and then OH could have a massage and relax.0 -
perhaps you could book for him and daughter to go to a spa for a day. Most girls that ages would enjoy a pamper and then OH could have a massage and relax.
Nice idea although don't think either of my daughters would go to a spa with their dad....
I often work way more hours than this and spend at least half the week away from home (I rent an apartment during the week I'm away so often). I also love my job so none of that is going to change.
I do wish I didn't have so many household issues left to me to sort ( we need a new washing machine and fridge freezer right now, and I've got to chase a plasterer. No idea why these have ended up at my door! I'm also trying to organise this year's holiday) .
Having said that, my OH always has a bath and glass of wine ready for me getting home and quite often slips wee things into my case (don't tell airport security!:eek:) like a card, chocolate bar, some haribo Nothing big, but makes me smile when I unpack.
But agree with other posters, you have to find out from him. whether that's by asking, or other means
is up to you.
(When my ex moved 400 miles away, both he and I saw it as his complete responsibility to ensure that he still had contact with the children. He travelled that distance every fortnight, and as they got older, he paid for them to fly to see him. His life choice; it wasn't up to me to then share the implications of that)0 -
Thanks everyone
I think I'm on the right track and already doing everything I can to help him.
Interesting to hear everyone else's suggestions and what you like to relax!0 -
His working hours are not rare my OH does mega hours. His fav is to have a foot massage every night when he is lay in bed. He reckons it helps him relax.
I dont ask him to do any jobs at home, any jobs i cant do i get someone in to do them.
we dont take long holidays, we try and take lots of short breaks at least Once a month, he feels it does him better to have a long weekend away somewhere.
perhaps you could book for him and daughter to go to a spa for a day. Most girls that ages would enjoy a pamper and then OH could have a massage and relax.
I always give him a foot rub on the sofa every single night. He also finds it relaxing.
The spa is a lovely idea but I think he'd prefer to go with me - his daughter is at a pretty awkward, self-conscious stage and she's also a very gothy 'alternative' type so not sure spas would be her thing! I was exactly the same at her age. Actually, I am long past an 'awkward, self-conscious stage' but I STILL feel a bit nervous about the idea of going to a spa!0 -
I would advise him to make sure that some things are constant wherever he is - say a decaff at 10am or a camomile tea at 10pm, even if this involves making it up in a flask before he leaves a hotel or the house - otherwise he is at risk of grabbing a high-caff drink in a cafe bar or on a train or in a service station and overdoing and adding to his stress levelsYou never know how far-reaching something good, that you may do or say today, may affect the lives of others tomorrow0
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Hi OP,I think there are more people working these kinds of hours than you think, both me and my OH do. As long as you do the housework, and cooking, (that is if you are working less hours) I think you are pulling your weightThe opposite of what you know...is also true0
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TBH I was hoping more for things like "I would like it if my OH offered me a massage if I was tired" or "I like a hot meal as soon as I get in" or "I hate it if she tries to entertain me the second I'm through the door" or "I would like it if my OH kept out of my way for 30 mins after I got home and let me just wind down by myself" or "it would be nice if she dragged me to the pub once a week so I felt like I did something other than work and sleep" or "I can't bear the thought of going out on weeknights when I'm so shattered and I'd much rather snuggle on the sofa"....
The situation is as it is, it's not always this bad but this time of year is particularly busy and suggestions like "change the situation or deal with it" aren't hugely helpful. We're not going to change the situation (despite the stress, OH actually enjoys his job and finds it very stimulating. Not to mention that we just bought a house!) so I'm looking for hints how to make it easier to 'deal with it'!
Before anyone leaps in with "why aren't you asking HIM this?" I do, I have, and on one hand I'm not sure he really knows what would help him be less stressed, and on the other hand he already thinks I do lots for him and he is not used to asking for what he wants/needs from other people.
Plus, I don't necessarily always want to be discussing things and trying to analyse things when he's stressed and tired...I'd rather just quietly and seamlessly do a few things that can help him relax. I'm not sure every man's ideal is to come home knackered after a hard day/week/month/year and find his OH wanting a very intense conversation about "What can I do to help you destress?!"
To be honest dasiegg what first sprang to mind reading your post was this
I know you're mega excited about becoming his wife and are keen to make everything perfect, but you need to think about this. I work really long hours and at the weekend too, but my concern is for how it impacts on my relationship and my partner, not the other way round.
You say he loves his job - have you discussed before you get married what his career plans are and how long he plans to live this sort of lifestyle? It might be forever and you might be fine with that, but its important you know before you tie the knot, marriages have broken up for less.0 -
thats a good point bugglyb
My dh has up until recently worked 16 hr days 6 days a week for a multi-national company and i have found that very difficult. Really have felt like a single parent.
Any how he has now been promoted and works 9 hours a day 5 days a week. Much more sociable.0 -
thats a good point bugglyb
My dh has up until recently worked 16 hr days 6 days a week for a multi-national company and i have found that very difficult. Really have felt like a single parent.
Any how he has now been promoted and works 9 hours a day 5 days a week. Much more sociable.
I'm not sure now actually, I've just read my post back and it does sound a bit patronising. I didn't intend it like that. Difficult to sound how you mean to sound when typing instead of talking!0
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