To men/women who work LONG hours - what can OH do to help?

spurs_gal

I work 12 hour days, with an hour & half commute each way. I love to come home from work to find a bath run for me and my OH keeping out of my way until after I've relaxed in my bath! He sometimes puts a little note in my bag/pocket that I will find later on in the day and cheer me up and calm me down slightly. We also have a rule that he asks me how my day was and I reply 'good/bad/whatever' and then leave it. If I want to tell him, I will!
I would love to come home to a hot meal, and just be able to chill out on the sofa. I would also like on my days off to be able to lay in, go out for lunch together and spend some quality time together.
Also try not to plan much for when he gets home from work. I also find it stresses me out even more if my OH says 'Ive got (film/program) for us to watch' as I then have to try and stay awake and cant relax!
HTH x

daisiegg

Lara44 wrote: »

Is it possible to move closer to your OH job? 1 hour commute each way must be a killer after such a long day.

To break it down in the morning it's an 8 minute drive to the station if I'm driving him - make that about 11 minutes if he is driving himself to include parking and walking from the car park. Train journey is supposedly 30 minutes but is ALWAYS late at the moment. Then it's a 10 - 12 minute walk for him from train station to work.

So in theory it should be less than a 50 min commute which isn't really that bad but at the moment the trains are ALWAYS late (I mean, every single day by at least 6 minutes. And on a 30 min journey being 6 minutes late is not insignificant) and in the evening it can sometimes be more than an hour and a half because of the trains.

We did move in September and we cut the train journey down by around 10 minutes (same train line just a couple of stops down) and the time to the station down by about 5 minutes - doesn't sound like much but when you're leaving the house before 6am every single day, those 15 minutes do make a big difference! We couldn't move any closer for a variety of reasons.

If the trains ran on time his commute really wouldn't be that bad - under 50 mins door to door is not bad for people who commute into central London - but it seems at the moment they literally never do! Hopefully it will clear up as the weather improves.

daisiegg

borkid wrote: »

Hi Daisyegg this might not be an option but your OH might still have the same amount of contact time if instead of seeing her for 2 days (probably nearer 1 day) twice a month have her stay for the whole of the half term and a week + each other holiday. He'd probably have more contact time that way and be a lot less stressed with less driving. All depends on whether he can have flexitime or holiday time. From your other post this might only be for a short time until she decides she take the train to visit.

Thanks for the suggestion. I don't think this would be a viable option for either of them, partly because OH would need to take off lots of holiday from work and often half terms and certainly the Easter holidays fall at periods where he CAN'T take time off work (company's quarterly reporting seasons), partly because it isn't fair on his daughter to take her away from her friends during the school holidays and partly because he feels the regular contact is important, particularly now when she is heading towards her GCSEs and he wants to keep a good grip on what is going on in her life; it shouldn't be just left up to her mum to get her through her exams, he wants to be involved.

I see where you're coming from but I don't think it's something they've ever considered and it would be the worst time to start introducing it now!

bill_creative

I work a lot of hours and I really do appreciate some non-talking time when I have finished for the day. Especially not talking about work anyway.

The other thing I find really relaxing (in part because they help me 'switch off' the mental noise of thinking about ongoing or upcoming projects) is audio books. I miss reading and find loading a few novels on my phone great for when I'm flying or driving. Most of the classics are available free to download and audio books don't take up any more space than a phone or iPod. Perhaps suggest that he downloads a few if he fancies it?

property.advert

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

...
As to your main question... 12 hour days, 5 days a week? 60 hours working with commuting on top? Has he/you heard of the Working Time Directive?

I bet he has heard about the dole queue though !

Working Time Directive is for wimps and left wing loonies. If the job requires 60 hours then they require someone to work 60 hours. Simple as that.

If he takes 60 hours to do what someone else could do in 40 hours then he is not the right man for the job.

daisiegg

I just looked at this 'working time directive' and it says it doesn't apply to 'managing executive' types which I guess is kind of what he is. Certainly he is not someone who has specific contracted hours - he just needs to work the hours he works to do his job well and stay competitive.

lostinrates

Dh works long hours. Very long hours and often irrgular travel and work at weekends.

We found he was getting very worried about ME!! While he was working long hours and we were living overseas. We made a decision based ont he various problems the lack of schedule and differing needs we had to live apart mon to friday. He stays near his office, where ever that might be, and likes to be twenty minutes walk so he gets some frsh air and exercise but can be at the office or airport very quickly when needed. The an as we get more settled, and when i had fewer ties, was that i would pop into london for supper when his evenings looked less long a couple opf times a month. That doesn't happen atm, but we are nearing the point we think it will. .


At the weekends he first does things i physically cannot do, then we do stuff he wants to do or we want to do toether.

I make sure his clothes/bag is ready.....ironed shirts, etc, so he can just swap holdalls. I am lucky, we like lots of the same stuff and love each others company, but i am always trying to keep his weekends optimal. I also encorage him to meet with friends regularly mid week. He cannot very often, but i think the kind of letting opf steam he gets with male friends from many years back is probably very different to the kind of fun we have together, and is healthy.

There is no way i could be emoyed and fit in with things that have happened with employment. Only one holiday has been taken opn schedule...we have been called back on the way to an airport. If i could not be flexible with my time there is no doubt that our relationship would suffer.


As regards eu work hours directiove some industries require an opt out and simply do not apply.

annie_d

Hello,
I work up to 60 hours a week and my husband is a teacher.
What I like when I am off.....to wake up to peacefulness...no tv or music or radio. An hour alone pottering around, sorting my dressing table and the like! My husband to say I look gorgeous even when I know I look exhausted. Not to be asked questions about what I want to do. Just "let it be". Stay in or go out. Eat in or eat out.
Touch me a lot with gentleness and love ( I am not meaning sex here...just reconnecting )
Just quiet times being together. Nice candles. Later on music he has dloaded from a place we have been together. Going to bed together.....that last one is the most important for me.

Spirit_2

From experience...

Short term:

• eat sensibly, take exercise, go for walks as often as possible,and keep talking
• take all of holidays and enjoy them
• suggest he priorititise his workload, do somethings to a "good enough" standard not to perfection.

Medium Term

• Revaluate your joint life
• Can you - relocate closer to his work?
• Can you spend less so he can afford to earn less?
• Could you work so that he can afford to earn less?

Long Term

• Can he down shift his career

sharrison778

OP, I am in a similiar situation as you. My partner travels a lot of work, works longer hours than me and also has 2 kids that live in a different city with their mother.

Massages etc are great as one-offs but realistically you're not going to be doing it every day.

My advice would be to suss out your partners style. My boyfriend and I have a tradition where when one person gets home, the other stops what they are doing and we spend 15-30min just talking about our days. It was my idea but he really enjoys it. He 'de-briefs' and after that, he's able to relax. But your partner might be different, he might want that time alone.

My other tip - if he is the athletic type - would be to encourage him to make use of hotel gyms whilst he is away. Great way to relieve stress and get a better nights sleep.