Horace's Biting the Bullet Diary

I need to be a bit more focussed today, I know there will be disappointed people out there but the networking business will have to go on the back burner for quite a while because it is untenable at the moment and I don't feel as though I have the energy to push it forward.

I have realised that what the counsellor told me yesterday was right as she identified I had low self esteem hence the communication problem. I spent the whole of last night mulling it over and various points in my life highlighted this self esteem business which has forced me into a vicious circle of depression/low self esteem etc. Now I need to fix myself.

Today, will not be a day for procrastination I will do the following:

Ring Amex
Sort out those letters I have been trying to send off
Do applications
Ring Key Personnel - I will not be fobbed off
Ring Katie Bard
Ring Hays
Ring the jobcentre
Send emails to networking peeps advising them that the meetings will cease as at the moment they are untenable and thanking them for their support. I know the business can work but I don't have the energy at the moment and feel as though I am pushing a watermelon across a lake with my nose..sigh.
Ring bank to let them know that I will have insufficient funds to pay my rent (that way I wont get charged).
Ring Oddfellows about them wanting to take a double payment this month because they forgot to take a payment last month (this is my life policy that matures when I am 55).

I think I might accept the £36 a month thing for Amex because although it will be a stretch I am viewing my situation as a temporary glitch.

I have been offered 6 sessions initially but there could be one or two after that by way of reinforcement.

Today, I lost my temper with Key Personnel, I am so angry that I have written a blog article about my experience with recruitment agencies and which ones to avoid - this one is one to avoid, if they treat people who are trying to register with them so appallingly one wonders how they treat their clients? Their director is supposed to be calling me but I am not holding my breath and I have decided that I won't register with them at all - life is too short and I would most likely be dead by the time they found me anything:eek: (this is not a sign that I want to do myself in before you start getting worried).

I did ring Katie Bard and they were over the moon that I was now available for work full time - I had previously worked for them from 1994to 1995 and I only stopped working for them after I had a car accident otherwise I would have carried on temping which I absolutely loved (I get bored easily so being a temp fitted the bill perfectly). It is likely that I could be working for them from Monday:cool:

The mulling continues over the self esteem issues - I have identified when it first started as well which is a start - one wonders if it can be fixed because this is something that stems from being a small child. I need to start reminding myself that I am amazing which is easier said than done at the mo:D

Millie - at least you have a lovely day for ponying:D

Wordsmith - I have 2 bottles of Wolf Blass that are 2003 vintage that have been sitting in my kitchen being turned each week that I have had for the past 6 years, I havent drunk them yet. I tend not to drink on my own as I am fearful that is the slippery slope to being an alcoholic:o

I have procrastinated a bit but only a teensy bit - am formulating an email in my head that will be sent out to networking members today - Monday's meeting is off for the foreseeable future and so is the Tuesday one..no point really when I cannot afford the petrol nor the breakfast itself. Which reminds me I will have to return the £20 standing order that someone has paid.

Some calls have been made - others not. Oh, how I wish I could pay for a skype licence and then I could call landlines but alas I cannot afford it. Need to call Amex too today and the bank.

I have spoken to Amex and they have allowed me some extra time to think about their care programme or regain - I need to call them back no later than 7 September.

Regain means paying a lot less ie a pound a month but it will impact greatly on my credit rating.

The care programme means I must pay £36 a month for 12 months at a rate of 9.9% and I won't have any cashback facility (I have that facility now), at the end of 12 months my credit limit will reduce and my facility will be reinstated. There is minimal impact on my credit rating with this.

I feel as though I am a bit stuck to be truthful but at least I have a bit more breathing space and will have a clearer idea of what my situation will be when I have been interviewed by the temp agency.