Thanks for helping - but please, I still need support

Mupeteer

Nope, I'm working all summer. The only thing I did have to look forward to was T in the Park.

Mupeteer

I thought I was doing alright today - and I guess I am a lot better than I was - but I just want to cry again. I could just curl up in a ball, go to sleep and not wake up again.

Feeling really sorry for myself. All brought on by an email he sent me, thanking me for being so reasonable and nice to him throughout all of this. I miss him.

Mupeteer

I think I'll head off for a while. Going to take a bath, with a bottle of wine for company. Could be worse I suppose, I could take the toaster instead of the wine.

MrsTinks

It will get better! I promise
Many moons ago I split from my partner at the time (well... he split from me... he wasn't nice about it and let's leave it at that...) and I was deeply depressed. I mean DEEPLY! I'd drink and cry till I fell asleep on the sofa with my 2 6 month old cats. In the end I moved my duvet downstairs and don't think I went to my bedroom for several weeks, just went to work, came home and vegetated and cried until I went to sleep... The only reason I didn't end it all was because frankly I wouldn't give him the satifaction!
We got back together and it didn't last, but this time I knew I didn't need him... I was so much stronger.
I had my own friends, my own life and although our split was again nasty then I really didn't care.
I found my own little studio flat, a new job and he hated the fact I didn't come crawling round. To this day he hates me.
So... Don't go looking for the solution of a wine bottle... trust me - I've looked at the bottom of rather a lot of them and it AIN'T there! I found reading books took my mind of things a lot... especially Terry Pratchett - he managed to make me laugh no matte how down I felt.
Spend time with your friends - that's what they are for - or even better: Make some new ones!
Give yourself new goals and targets, realise that you LOVED him but now you have to move on and find someone worthy of your love and affections.
You can do it

PigginSkint

Hi Mupeteer

Big hugs to you - you need them at the moment.

Sorry you are having such a c***py time at the moment. I'd like to echo what MrsTine said - it will get better. I have been there, done that, bought the t-shirt - more than once actually. Yes it was horrible but I came out of a much happier person...... eventually!

Drink is not the answer - I've tried that one. When my marriage broke up (and I was still living under the same roof with my Ex for 16 months:eek: ) I went out drinking to escape. It only made me more miserable. So much so that I actually don't like going to pubs now because it brings back too many unhappy memories.

I know it's a cliche, but time does heal...eventually.

You need to take time to do the things that you like doing - especially things that perhaps you didn't have time to do much of when you were with your BF. Find ways to relax - long soaks in hot bubble baths, long walks, yoga, prayer, whatever works for you.

Oh and there is nothing wrong with crying - cry lots, it heals!

Mupeteer

Thanks MrsTine. The crying until you fall asleep bit sounds only too familiar. I just feel so helpless and I get annoyed with myself when I'm like this. I'm supposed to be stronger than this, supposed to be able to take care of myself only I don't feel like that now. I just feel pathetic.

I've been trying to put on a brave face and, for a little while, I managed to convince myself I was doing ok. Now I feel like I'm back at square 2 (at least it's not square 1).

boredofbeingathome

Hey, Mupeteer, you will have days like that..it is just a knockback because you saw him at the weekend.

That was a lovely post by Mrs.T, and believe me she is a very strong woman, and you will be the same. Keep posting and remember to have a laugh,tease us all and it will get easier.

When is your step dad back?

Mupeteer

I've changed the title of the thread. The new one seems much more appropriate after the support I'v received from people here.

My step-dad isn't back until the 10th of June. That's the day I've told J he has to be out of the flat by. It breaks my heart even saying that to him as I know he is finding it difficult to get somewhere else to live. I know that it isn't really my problem anymore but I can't help worrying about him. The last thing I want is for him to move back to his sister's house where she will take over his life and he will just go along with it because he isn't strong enough to say no to her and often can't even see when she is using him.

boredofbeingathome

It's in our nature hun. Well maybe not so much mine...as i once gave my ex fiance so much..........but that is another story, and he deserved it!

But even when i don't talk to Mr.B, i make his dinner and stuff...you see, i worry he will disappear down the plug hole!

I am liking the new title.

Mupeteer

I feel rubbish again. I thought I was doing so well and was proud of myself as I didn't cry about him once yesterday (cried, but not about him).

I've just been to my flat as I needed to collect a couple of things (I knew he wouldn't be there) and I ended up sitting howling my eyes out. Everything there makes me think of him - photos of happier times, the sofa we chose together, the hallway he decorated... I'm really not looking forward to moving back there. When I'm not there I've got all these positive ideas about the big clearout I intend to have when I go back and all the things I want to get done. Then I step in the door and all my resolve melts and I turn into a blubbering pile of mush. I'm terrified that I'll go back and just sink further into depression. I've been battling with it long eneough and I don't want to get worse.

If I could I would sell the flat and move on but tthe flat is in a lousy state so couldn't sell it, not that anything is moving just now anyway.

Sorry for going on but I need to let this all out.