Thanks for helping - but please, I still need support

gettingbetter

Mupeteer

I am in Fife dont know if i can help at all

but is always useful to have an ear or shoulder

If you ever need it

Mupeteer

Thanks to everyone who posted on this thread the other night. Just having an outlet where I could say what I wanted and know that I had support helped a great deal. Also, thanks to those who offered help in any way at all. It means so much to know there are such caring people out there.

It's now a few days on and I'm still a mess. I miss him like crazy, still love him and still cry regularly. I tried to make an appointment to see a counsellor through uni and to see the finance people but no luck with either. Appointments with both are only available between 9 and 5 Monday to Friday. Guess what my working hours are?! Yep, exactly the same.

At least I've laid off the vodka now. I'm still not eating much and I'm struggling to sleep. I resorted to Nytol the other night then slept in for work. My boss has been brilliant though and wasn't at all bothered about me taking a couple of days off. I really appreciated that, especially as I'm just a temp.

Mupeteer

I've been babysitting my nieces all weekend and that has helped to take my mind off things and to keep me busy. They've even been quite sympathetic whenever the tears have started, as they have done several times.

It's at times like this when I'm on my own and feeling lonely that are the hardest. These are the times I want to call him and try to sort everything out. Thankfully I know I can come on here and you can all keep me busy:o

smashedbooboo

Hi honey, well done for keeping busy so far. You keep your head held high and have dignity at all times my love. And have a glance at my signature. And keep it in your mind. Its not a bad thing to cry. Its good to get it out of your system. I am not going to tell it will get easier and not to worry, Because right now it feels like nothing will make it better. Have a good cry and a wallow when you feel like it. It wont do you any harm. And remember when you feel like this right now, its not good to be getting in touch with him. Emotions are running at a hundred miles an hour and what you want to say always comes out wrong. Hold it back for a little while. And let him realise what he is missing. Dont give him satisfaction of knowing you are in bits about him. Be strong, and one day you will wake up and things will seem a whole lot different. Now what can we give you to do to keep you busy. x x x x x x x x

tigtag02

:wave: muppeteer ~ long time no see

I notice you are online ~ if you fancy a chat on msn PM me and I'll send you my addy

big hugs xxxxx

Mupeteer

Thanks tigtag but I'm going to try to get some sleep now. Maybe another time?

Mupeteer

Hi people, I'm sitting here with the tears streaming again. I had to go back to my flat (where he is staying just now) as there is no food in my step dad's house (where I am staying until he comes back from holiday). I was going to go out and buy food but decided I'd be better collecting some from my place as I bought it and am skint now anyways. He was in and I ended up breaking down in front of him. I am trying to stay away from him but I've got no willpower. I just miss him so much.

We were supposed to be going to T in the Park in a couple of weekends but I've just put my ticket up for sale. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself that weekend as I really wanted to go but only with him.

I'm in such a bloody mess. I hate myself for being so weak and feeling like this.

Keeping_Motivated

Hey you're not weak! You're human with a heart... Would you want to be cold and callous? I doubt it... You are genuinely huting because its hard when things come to an end for many reasons, you miss the person, your life changes, you still love the person etc etc

So please don't be hard on yourself and understand why you are still crying. You are grieving its life a bereavement. So be kind to yourself, allow yourself the grieving process and you will get through this. Even if you have no motivation for anything make sure every day you do something you enjoy, whether thats reading for 15 mins, walking round the block for fresh air but do SOMETHING everyday no matter how small just keep that goal.

Take care
KM x

Mupeteer

Thanks KM.

Realistically I know that everything you say makes sense but it's hard when I'm trying to do things through a veil of tears. I was hurt really badly in the past and I swore no one would ever make me feel that bad again. Got that wrong! It took me ages to trust this guy and to let him see who I really am and now I wish I hadn't. I think I'd rather feel nothing than all this pain.

I'm really scared that I'll never meet anyone else, or that I will and screw that up too. I'd love to have kids one day but it looks like my chances are diminishing quickly.

Life is crap.

kika

This is just a bad patch, it wont last forever. Don't let him get to yu, he really isn't worth it. Summer is coming, do you have something to look forward to?