Thanks for helping - but please, I still need support

Mupeteer

It's been a long time since I've been a regular poster on the boards but her I am and I really need help.

My BF and I split up on Monday and I'm a total mess and have even been thinking of suicide. I just don't feel like I can go on anymore.

I am staying at my step dad's house for the moment as he is on holiday. It's only temporary until BF finds somewhere else to stay. I love him so much and don't want us to split but it's out of my hands now.

My debt is out of control and there is no way I can afford to pay my mortgage and bills on my own. My student loan doesn't even cover my credit card minimum payments each month. As it's the summer holidays I'm working just now but have no idea what I'll do when uni starts again - if I even make it that far.

I don't want to tell my family about how bad I'm feeling as they would only worry. My mum died a few years back and we all struggled to get past that - I don't want to add to the pain. I don't want to tell them about all my debt either. I know they would want to help me but I feel that I got myself into this mess and I should get out, one way or another.

I just want all the pain and worry to stop. I can't stop crying.

SingleSue

I have sent you a private message Mupeteer.

ahs1982

Sorry to hear about your problems. I'd suggest talking with Citizen's Advice about your money problems. They're normally pretty good.

poorandindenial

Hi honey

Please take a deep breath and understand that there are many worse things that you can do than get in debt. You are clearly hurting a lot at the moment and struggling to see a way out, without knowing more about your situation it is hard to say more but give national debt line or cccs a ring tomorrow (links here)

It is all raw at the moment but you WILL sort out splitting with your OH and there is not a single debt problem that can't be solved. It might not be pretty and it might take a while but there will be a way out. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

Oh and don't worry about telling your family, you do or you don't; just do what is right for you in your own time (although you will probably find they react better than you think they will) When you are good and ready is fine.

Take care and make sure you look after yourself

poorandindenial

PS - I have always loved your signature, it is just how I feel.

boredofbeingathome

Mupeteer, hun (((((hugs)))))).

You have done the right thing in posting. It is important to realise you are not on your own.

First things first. Credit cards or your peace of mind? I am sorry that you feel you are worth less than them, and i am here to tell you that you are not. You are a unique and lovely person who just happens to have had a misfortune happen to you. They are meaningless bits of plastic, they will not give you peace of mind and certainly cannot make you happy.

You need to talk to your step dad, and the rest of your family. If my daughter who is at Uni, turned around and said to me that she didnt want to worry me when she was so upset..well i would be saying to her, exactly what i am saying to you now. That would be to come home, even if it is for a few days. A little bit of TLC, a cuppa, a pair of loving arms telling you it will be ok. And do you know something it will be ok.

Next step..when you feel up to it, is to write letters to your creditors, get in touch with the debt charities, and begin to take the next step. A little bit at a time you know, as Rome wasn't built in a day. We will be here for you at every step of the way.

The other bits...It isn't easy when relationships break up. We invest so much of our emotional selves in a relationship. But that is the truely wonderful thing, because you are a loving caring person, you are the better for it. I know it may not seem it now, and i can only empathise with you....but you will get over him and you will be stronger for it. Pain does get bearable, because each day you will find a way to cope with that days events.

So after that long ramble, please be kind to yourself..remember you are worth so much more than what you think, and please dont think for one moment that you cannot share your thoughts with your family.

Take care..BOB x

Mupeteer

Thanks everyone. I'd almost forgotten what lovely, supportive people used this site. So many people on here are an inspiration.

I'll keep taking my meds (though hopefully only in the prescribed amount) and try to keep going.

RAS

Mupeteer

Welcome back.

Right now (tonight) give yourself a bit of space, the most important thing is that you take care of yourself.

Sorry to hear about the split, you need to allow yourself a bit of space to deal with that,

i think regarding debts you may need to let your family know you are under pressure, even if you do not want to let them know the figures. if you try to keep things secret, you cut yourself off from as valuable means of support and make your everyday relationships with them strained, In a way you also deny them the right to be your supporters. There may be very specific reasons why you feel this is the right thing but you really do need to think about letting at least some of them know some of the situation.

Can you contact college/uni on the morning and ask to speak to the counselling services and to the debt advisors?

If the worst comes to the worst, can you take a year out of Uni/college to work (for 15 months) and clear some of the debt before going bacvk in September 09?

boredofbeingathome

Any counsellors you can talk to? I would also make an appt with GP and ask. It will help just to have someone who is non judgemental listen to you.

Keeping_Motivated

If you don't want to speak to your family about this as you are trying to protect them then thatis a lovely quality however please protect yourself too and talk to someone/anyone! If you have contemplated suicide its important you confide in someone and it may be easier to speak to a complete stranger so please try the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90

website link www.samaritans.org.uk

Take care of yourself and keep this thread going with your rants, thoughts, progress what ever you like.

KM x

Storm

Hi mupeteer :hello:

It's only been 2 days - you're allowed to feel upset still, and personally I think it's better to let it all out - have a good cry, scream, shout, chuck stuff about, go for a long run - whatever helps you get the feelings out (though I wouldn't recommend anything too noisy at this time of night, don't want to annoy the neighbours!)

Call up all your friends for long chats (it's in the job description), post on here, maybe see if you can get away for a few days to a friends house - for the time being you've got to concentrate on yourself and grieve for the relationship.

You'll find a way around the money issue in time before next year starts at uni, and you can get loads of advice, support and ideas from here when you're ready for it.

Storm x