When is a child too old for cuddles?

katwoman

I am a regular poster but can be identified under my normal ID.

Some relatives of mine have recently had a new baby and the partner has two children from a previous relationship. The children live with their mum, her new partner and their new baby. Both babies were born this year. The older children are nearly 6 and 8. They stay with my relatives aprox every other weekend.

The younger child (6) is apparently playing up and demanding too much attention from dad. I have been told this is because she has been babied by everyone for too long by them giving her cuddles and letting her sit on their lap etc.

I was told that last time I saw them that I did this and gave her too many cuddles and shouldnt have let her sit on my lap.

I am struggling with this as it seems to me the reason she is playing up is because she is struggling with the fact that in each of her homes there is a new baby needing a lot of attention from the grown ups and probably this has unsettled her. She can't express these feelings and this comes out as demanding behaviour, wanting cuddles and regressing slightly.

I would have thought that it would be important to reassure her that she is still loved by everyone and one way of doing this is to spend time cuddled up reading books together - this is what I did and in fact I had both children snuggled up to me whilst I read to them. I was not accused of giving the older child too many cuddles and the only reason the younger one was on my lap was because there was not enough room on the sofa for both of them to sit next to me.

I also think that everyone needs a cuddle or a hug no matter how old they are and I have an older niece in another family who is 15 and she will still hug us and her mum/dad and tell us that she loves us. She is also a right royal pain in the butt but then that comes with the teenage years!!!

Should it matter that I am still wanting to cuddle these children at 6 and 8? Are they too old? Would it make any difference if they were boys or girls? I would really appreciate your input folks.

stationaryace

err no. there is no such thing as too old for cuddles- they will probably go through phases when they don't want cuddles but you can be sure they will let you know exactly when that is *recalls own teenage years* i know one particular 4 year old boy who only has hugs for daddy :rolleyes:

Mips

I think it is the most natural thing in the World to show affection to Children

And with the new baby - these kids need reassurance!

Idiophreak

I'm 25 and still give my mum cuddles...does that make me a little "bitty"?

margaretclare

When is a child too old for cuddles?

Never!

busiscoming2

I have cuddles with all three of mine still (21,18 &11) although they don't actually sit on my lap (too heavy!) I still cuddle my dad!! Your never too old!

keelyjrs

There is no upper age limit for cuddles. Everyone needs cuddles! I feel really sorry for the child.. feeling left out and a bit envious of the attention a new baby gets and now can't have extra cuddles to feel loved, noticed and reassured??

It's not you that has the wrong idea imo. But people will raise their kids how they think is best, unfortunately an outsider looking in can often see things the parent doesn't pick up on.

Mips

Idiophreak wrote: »

I'm 25 and still give my mum cuddles...does that make me a little "bitty"?

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

galvanizersbaby

Never too old for cuddles!:rotfl:

Though my 5 year old son will resist what he considers a 'girlhug' in public now - on his terms in private though it is still very much required!:rotfl:

Alikay

Katwoman, you are absolutely right: Cuddles should be given for as long and as often as the child wants them!

Violetta_2

katwoman wrote: »

The younger child (6) is apparently playing up and demanding too much attention from dad. I have been told this is because she has been babied by everyone for too long by them giving her cuddles and letting her sit on their lap etc.

I was told that last time I saw them that I did this and gave her too many cuddles and shouldnt have let her sit on my lap.

I am struggling with this as it seems to me the reason she is playing up is because she is struggling with the fact that in each of her homes there is a new baby needing a lot of attention from the grown ups and probably this has unsettled her. She can't express these feelings and this comes out as demanding behaviour, wanting cuddles and regressing slightly.


Should it matter that I am still wanting to cuddle these children at 6 and 8? Are they too old? Would it make any difference if they were boys or girls? I would really appreciate your input folks.

I think you have got it exactly right if she's anything like my dd (3 next month) she is a real daddys girl and completely adores him, then this noisy little baby is taking all her parent's attention , of course they need as much affection, attention hug's and kisses as possible to reassure her they still love her.
Some people are wierd ,how can it be wrong to show affection. My mil was forbidden at about 4 from sitting on her daddy's knee and giiving him cuddles by her mum. That makes me think her mother must have had a very twisted mind. Sorry that's an extreme example. Just feel poor kids of course they need a cuddle.