When is a child too old for cuddles?

Carmina_Piranha_3

katwoman is it both sets of parents saying this, or just the ones who see her on weekends

i suppose once you have a baby the other children seem massive in comparison, and maybe they've suddenly seen that the 6 year old looks enormous on daddy's knee, and maybe looks as if she's too big for it. perhaps she's having a strop every time daddy holds the baby, and daddy is being firm with her.

but i still don't understand why he would want to stop other people from cuddling her. was it just the sitting on your lap that was objected to?

katwoman

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

katwoman is it both sets of parents saying this, or just the ones who see her on weekends

i suppose once you have a baby the other children seem massive in comparison, and maybe they've suddenly seen that the 6 year old looks enormous on daddy's knee, and maybe looks as if she's too big for it. perhaps she's having a strop every time daddy holds the baby, and daddy is being firm with her.

but i still don't understand why he would want to stop other people from cuddling her. was it just the sitting on your lap that was objected to?

It is the step-parent who sees the kids at weekends who objected. I was told I gave little one too many hugs and shoulnt have had her on my lap (tho where she was supposed to sit as there was nowhere else she could have seen the book because they only have one sofa and there were 5 adults two kids and a baby in the room). Little one was also ill with a cold and she had been given calpol as she had a temp - of course I caught the bug and it has taken me 2 weeks to clear it.

I am relieved and grateful for all the responses I have had - I am not sure if I will be able to broach the subject with the parents - I think I will just go with my instincts when I am with them. To be honest I havent been so well either (depression) and I think the little one had picked up on it (she is very perceptive).

At lunch there was not enough seats for everyone so I went and sat on the edge of the deck on my own and the little one picked up her plate and came and sat next to me. We had a long chat about a holiday the kids had had with their mum and step-dad before babies arrived.

The 6 year old was apparently sitting on daddys lap whilst mum had the baby which was crying. Mum decided it was daddies turn to have the baby and basically told Dad it was his turn and turfed the little one off the lap. She feels she has the baby all day everyday during the week (dad works shifts) and weekends are the only time he sees the baby (not entirely true of course) and weekends are the only time she can have a break from Baby. Of course this isnt true either because there is 3 sets of grandparents plus me who would be happy to help but she won't let us help.

Anyway thanks again all for your responses. I will just be the best aunty I can to the little ones and make sure they know I still love them.

Carmina_Piranha_3

oh i could give the 6 year old a hug myself! poorly with a cold and wanting some attention and affection from a relative, of course she needed your cuddles, and if you were feeling low it probably cheered you up too.

i suspected you were going going to say it's the step mum who objected, i am an evil cow

she sounds a bit stressed and worn down with it all - maybe things will pick up when she gets over the baby blues a bit?

both of my babies have been demanding, screaming all day every day and never satisfied, needing constant cuddling and singing. i know i clock watched when roo was little, desperate for daddy to walk through the door and give me a break, and a lie-in on a saturday (he got one on sunday of course). i would probably have found stepkids too much to handle if i was having a bad day - i am a grumpy cow sometimes, my hormones aren't the best

i still think she was wrong, but i can sort of see why she said it, and maybe there's the chance that she'll be a bit more understanding towards the girls when she's recovered from the birth, or started getting more sleep at night.

Smickan

To be honest, I'm 23 and still think there's nothing better than a 'mummy cuddle' :rotfl:

amazamum

You are never to old for cuddles,I love giving my two age 3 and 8 cuddles and I like getting them myself at 34.

Lunar_Eclipse

The simple answer to your question is 'never'. No-one is ever too old for cuddles. And in fact a bit (lot) more cuddling (especially of children) would sort out a whole pile of prevailing social issues IMO!

virgin_moneysaver

ditto to all the above - 2 teenage boys both well over 6 foot still like a cwch (cuddle)

fabwitch_2

Cuddles are the most natural thing in the world. All children , teenagers and adults need cuddles. My children, aged 10, 12, 16, 17 still havew cuddles with me and I hope it never stops. Its a great way to show them how much you love them and care for them.

miggy

Katwoman, I think your instincts are spot on. The kids need the reassurance of cuddles. I understand that babies who get no physical contact just don't thrive - and I doubt that switches off once they're weaned.
It seems to me this is a family under pressure - everyone has had to shift up one when the baby arrived and people are showing it differently. Step-mum seems to be showing it by asserting the position of herself and her baby - maybe she doesn't feel she has a totally secure position as the older kids have known their Dad longer than she has? And of course having a baby is very hard work, and she wants someone to share the load. Maybe she needs a little reassurance - how gorgeous her baby is and what a great job she is doing...?
As for the older children - one of my kids would, at that age, rather be in trouble than not be noticed! He is now 17 and very well-balanced, so demanding behaviour at six doesn't necessarily mean long-term problems The six year old in your family is now a middle child. not easy - my poor middle child got shunted along between the others and I feel I she missed out in some ways. The six year old needs those hugs but I think you may need to be diplomatic or the adults may think you're taking sides. Maybe you could ask if you could hold the baby for Mum sometimes (if she'll let you). Let her see you care about all the children. Also remember the 8 year old, the one who doesn't demand attention, needs it just as much.
Just one more thing - you can build up those kids in other ways as I guess you already know - tell them they are stars, they are wonderful, ask if you can do their hair, take them to the park to feed the ducks, let them try on your shoes - whatever works to make them aware that an adult has time for them.
It's great that you spent time, read them a story and gave them cuddles - keep up the good work!

whowho

I was told by a grandmother at about 10 that I was too old for hugs (I'd only moved to cuddle her goodbye!) and my other nan went bananas when she heard.

It made me feel better to know that I wasn't too old, and I have to say that I can understand my dad and uncle knowing that this was the person they got their "love" and "care" from growing up.

Anyone needs a cuddle... how many of us still sit on our hubbies laps when we're scared? If she is climbing up then hug her. It's clearly what she needs to let her know that she hasn't been replaced by the new babies!

(BTW... LOVING what Miggy said above!!)