Desperate, am I in the wrong place?

trevindra

Hi FGMN I too have been following your thread as we hit the low time about the same time as you, it isnt easy is it going round the supermarket with calculator in hand! we are in a similar mess to you, and just at the stage now waiting for money to go in the "safe" account, letters are ready to go, but it's so scary, the phone calls are less than they were but have had 2 today, that's when you hit a low, and also when the post hits the mat! good luck and keep posting

Forgetmenot68

Hello debtweary, trevindra and everyone else too,

Well I've been feeling a lot less cheerful - feeling overburdened, and it's time to talk to my husband again properly because he seems to have an artificial view that we are well off again, talking about going on holiday etc, because we're not paying the credit cards anymore. I tried to tell him he can't get complacent, but he took it badly. My frustration made me sound angry I guess, and he metaphorically blocked his ears and went "la la can't hear you". I'm feeling alone and unsupported and like I'm at the bottom of a mountain staring up at an unreachable summit. A statement appeared from the first of the credit card companies today saying "last month's interest wasn't paid" in spite of the fact they'd had a letter from us and cashed our £1 cheque, so I've written a new letter explaining and enclosing a copy of the previous letter, to be signed by my husband because it's his card. The irony doesn't escape me. I think I'm only good at being the family superhero if my husband at least pretends to be my sidekick. Does that sound awful?

Anyway, that's why I haven't posted, I've got no good news. I need a job, or the idea that I may get one. I did the CCCS form again today, and with their figures we don't have a surplus of £300, only £90, which they don't feel is enough to offer our creditors, which is a bit of a blow. But they consider we need to allow £78/m for clothes and shoes, which I think is just silly when we're so strapped. Anyway... Perhaps I should speak to a human being at CCCS and work out something more sensible.

xx

Seaxwyn

Hi Forgetmenot

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. I really sympathise with you feeling alone and unsupported. I feel like that a lot of the time. My husband is good in lots of ways but he does leave all the financial management to me, and seems in complete denial about the severity of our situation a lot of the time. You and I are not alone, there are many other people who post on here who have a similar dynamic.

When you are feeling low just read your first few postings on here again and remind yourself that you have made huge progress, and you will do again. You will get a job, and that will make a huge difference. Don't despair.

lucielle

Forgetmenot. Just keep chipping away. I try to keep all balls bouncing and not drop any. Sometimes I want to throw the ruddy lot of them.
L

debtweary

Hi FMN,
please don't despair. I don't know if you've done this but I had to physically sit my husband in front of the bils and credit card statements and make him add up all the money needed. I then made him take his fair share of phoning the companies involved-with me sat next to him for moral support. He had never ever involved himself in any financial dealings before and it hit him hard. He is grateful now because he realises holidays are now unreachable as well as meals out with friends etc.
We are in this together. Show your weakness(you need more support) as well as your strength to your husband and he can then try to care of you as well.

Pluys, don't take any notice of standard statements that come through. We still get them and it would seem on paper that we had never set up an arrangement. They don't register it until you have been paying for 2-3 payments. That's what they have told us. I have a big folder and I write all payments I make and the details of the arrangement. I stick to these payments and try to not react and start phoning when statements arrive as it wastes my time and energy.When I have phoned they say that everythings fine and just to stick to the arrangement.

Everything will get better so just keep plodding on.

DW x

Forgetmenot68

Thank you debtweary, lucielle and Seaxwyn - it feels fantastic to have your support and to hear you've faced similar things. It doesn't help that we're coming up to a horrible anniversary - a fact I hadn't forgotten, but had deeply buried with all the other things going on. I'm never very good at these times of year. Strangely realising it today makes me feel not so bad that I've been struggling these past few days. We're taking the children to a music festival over that weekend (already paid for), as we try and do something fun that our daughter would have enjoyed. Just going to have to work out how to minimise what we spend when we're there.

FMN xx

debtweary

Our difficulties pale into insignificance compared to your family. Our children are all healthy and I pray that they will remain so. I hope your weekend at the festival is good for you all. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling but for what its worth from a cyber friend, I truly wish all the very best.

DW xx

Forgetmenot68

Thank you DW. xx

tirednewdad

Forgetmenot68 wrote: »

Thank you DW. xx

Hello Forgetmenot.

I always look out for your post, and although i may not reply to it, i often think of you and your family everyday. Even in work.

I find my self crying in the car when i think about your situation and even cheering and clapping out loud when i read that you recieved that money.:T

Wishing you well.
Is it possible to do a recap of where your are now with things, and things you still have to do. As i feel i really want to encourage you, as i know you will succeed:A

Fidget21

Hi FMN

Don't despair..."La, La" fingers are the male species last line of ignorant defence. They come after the removal of head from sand. They are however closely followed by slamming doors and stomping around like a five year old but once they have finished kicking and screaming their way back to reality the next stages do tend to be listening, accepting and taking action...so the worst is nearly over.

I think the problem is for men that they have it drummed into them that they are meant to be the provider and the breadwinner and take care of all our worldly needs. However in a situation such as yours it can be difficult for them to accept that what you can afford to buy/do has to change.

I wonder also if he is feeling but not voicing anything over you having to return to work. In my parents generation my dad worked and my mum was a housewife, I know my husband would like things to be the same for us, but financially it is an impossibility. I wonder if your hubby is feeling maybe a sense of failure towards you because you are going to have to go back to work? It's just a thought, after all he is a man and heaven forbid he should voice his feelings!! However, with that thought in mind, now I want to give him a hug too!!

Anyways, sorry to the male members of this forum for the bit of men bashing, can't you just tell that my hubby regressed back to head in sand mode this weekend?! Just when I'd got him to 'take action' mode too!

Take care FMN, chin up! (as my old pappy used to say!)