Desperate, am I in the wrong place?

Forgetmenot68

tirednewdad and Fidget - bless you both (in a non-denominational way!) - your words are just what I needed to hear this morning. Fidget - your post made me laugh and it was really encouraging to hear about your husband. You're quite right in all that you say - my husband's first reacion was despondency that he'd "failed" his family and though he is relieved that I've taken the running of things back on, I realise it is emasculating in some senses for him. I should be more sensitive to that, and try and have some nice time with him soon. Tnd - I'm so touched by your support, and your empathy, you lovely person. I will post what's going on a bit later, but now I have an urgent appointment with my trainers and the road! 6 miles will chase the last of my blues away, for now anyway!

Forgetmenot68 xx

trevindra

Hi FGM, this could give you a laugh today as it has me, we have had none stop phone calls from Lloyds TSB, so much so that my husband lost it with them and told them to stop harassing us as I had just had an op and was trying to recuperate (all truth I must add), all quiet for about a week, then I have had a letter today, telling me of the wonderful features I have on my (now cut up) credit card and that I could have a free additional card! what planet are these people on?!!!!!
good news for us today, first wage payments gone in the co-op so we can start paying the vultures at last.
keep smiling!

Forgetmenot68

Hi Trevindra, hope you're ok after your op? We've started getting calls from Lloyds but they're automated... about 5 yesterday. My husband was finally around to take the call, but we were told by National Debtline to do everything by letter and not to go through security on the phone, which the automated sysytem was trying to get him to do, so he hung up.

I'll do a re-cap of our current situation in a bit, but first I must pay some bills...:(

xx

rubydoiwannabee

Morning FMN
I would like to send Friday best wishes to you as we approach the weekend madness of kids, chores and writing of a to do list for the next week!!!;)

I look out for your thread and have posted a couple of times. I will keep looking throughout today for your update. I am at home today with both children (one TTD and the other has a cold). I would normally be doing food shopping and housework but instead I think I am just going to chill!!

Just thought I would post to say my OH is the same as your DH, he is finding the weekly routine of drawing cash at the start of the week and living off it, really hard and we all know it!! Mainly because it is forcing him to dramatically cut down on the amount of money he spends on smoking (which we all know is a good thing) but he finds incredibly difficult. I am very proud of him though because essentially he has £10 a week to live on (we both do). This is cash for extras, e.g. the odd coffee. Obviously his is spent entirely on cigs, whereas mine seems to go on the odd treat for the children, or subbing him at the end of the week because I haven't spent. Last night he was like a bear with a sore head and it is soooo tiring. Anyway, enough of me.

Take care of yourself and I look forward to following your story.

Warm regards

Forgetmenot68

Thanks ruby - yes, I struggle to stay calm and feel I'm in control at the weekend. I guess I should "let go" and regain control on Monday! It's great your husband is trying to cut down. From someone who used to have a 40 a day+ habit I know just how hard it is, especially if you're stressed. That's not to say I'm not incredibly grateful to Allen whatisname and his book, that I was able to give it up a few years ago. I hope you have a good weekend.

Well, the update. We have been given a financial breather by some incredibly special people who have "lent" us £2000. With my husband's annual bonus being made monthly instead of September, the cancelled voluntary pension payments, my insurance money and our drastic budgetting, this month looks more than ok and our overdraft with A & L is paid off. That's lucky as it turns out because I got a rude letter yesterday from Nationwide where we'd applied for their no frills account saying we'd omitted a d.o.b. Not like me, but I was in such a state a couple of weeks ago I can believe it - but they've destroyed our application. Trouble is I was looking forward to having a pure cash account that we could use for monthly non DD spending (groceries etc). I guess we'll try another one, maybe with A and L as we know they have no links with our creditors.

We have sent out letters to our creditors, (credit cards = Virgin, Egg, Halifax, Capital One, Lloyds, HSBC and First Direct overdraft) with copies of our budget and offering payment of £1/month until things change. Have yet to hear back from any of them....

The budgetting, actually (can I admit this?!) is fun.... :eek: It is amazing just how much you can save if you put your mind to it and become a thinking rather than an unthinking consumer (as I've always been before this). Of course telling the children that no, sport lessons are off the agenda for the moment is a bit sad, but hopefully that may change as our situation becomes less crazy. Our oldest is resigned to no pocket money for the moment, but she babysits for other people, and we will give her some money for when she babysits on the rare occasion for us.

I in the meantime am trying hard to get a job, though no luck so far. Also, and this is a longshot, I'm trying to get a book I've mostly written ready for presentation to an agent. It's about my experience with my daughter.

I also need to crack on and get my tax credits forms back, but I seem to have a major mental block about sitting down to do it. Sounds stupid saying it as it's money for goodness sake... I have an hour before I need to collect from school - right I'm going to do it NOW!!

Thank you to all of you lovely people who are taking an interest in our progress. I hope everyone is OK.

Forgetmenot68 xx

lucielle

Hi FMN, you have done so well. We to are in it for the long haul. At the moment we are just treading water until May next year when a few items are finished paying for and then we can start to really hit the debt. Please keep posting and let us know your progress.
L

Seaxwyn

Hi Forgetmenot

I'm so glad to hear your good news. Things certainly sound a lot more manageable.

Good luck with the book. I've had some experience of touting books for publication, both successfully for work and unsuccessfully with a novel I wrote a few years ago - while it didn't end up being published I did have a few meetings with agents and commissioning editors so I feel I learned a bit about the whole process. I'd be glad to share some advice if you want, just PM me if you would like to hear my amazing wisdom (I won't be offended if you don't).

Hope you have a happy weekend, try not to worry about money, jobs etc for a couple of days.

Forgetmenot68

Thanks Seaxwyn, I've PMed you. xx

Thank you Lucielle, I will, and good luck with your progress too! xx

fc123

Just a quicky...have followed your thread...it's hard but you are doing fantastically. I haven't posted as everything I would have said was already said (IFYKWIM) but the first thing I thought was how well you wrote....then you mentioned the book.
I found a site some time back called www.lulu.com where one can publish oneself.
It's had a lot of good reviews and many books go on to get published by the big boys STS.

Keep at it with the debt plan.
I had similar probs with my OH some yrs back and now he drives @ 70mph if on the motorway to save on fuel costs.....he would NEVER have done that 4yrs back.
In the end I kept the debit card, all the CC's were chopped and he had to live on the ££ available.

The big thing was the vision of being debt free and being back in control. We are 3 yrs in and have paid off 70%. I reckon 1 yr to go.
Hard and still a struggle. Will look out for your posts when I log on (~only come on late at night)..........Best of Luck!!!

babyharry5

Morning FGM
Hope you enjoyed your weekend?
Still following your thread .
Wanted to say that having read hubbys suggestion to a holiday - that is just what a lot of men are like!! unfortunately!
as another mse suggested I sat my husband down and made him physically write down each amount we owed and then our SOA ( even though I had already done it!) thats when he started to realise.
Even now we are still on a weekly budget ( everything paid for with cash) hubby brings out the debit card and pays with this ( announces this is a treat??
Have to keep reminding him that just because he is in a good mood and the sun is out doesnt mean that a mysterious benefactor has put extra pounds into his account!
This budgeting lark can be hard work for men because as other people have said they feel responsible for the providing!
I actually also enjoy the budgeting especially with the food shopping - It never ceases to amaze me how much some people waste just not looking at the special offers/ not checking prices ( sometimes the smaller packs are cheaper to buy in bulk than one of the larger items).
Another rule I make is never to take my husband food shopping with me - always considerably more expensive than when i am on my own
Anyway - waffle waffle waffle - keep going, the hardest part is facing up to everything and starting to make plans, which you are doing.
Another thing - as I think seawyn - said dont waste time writing back to finance companies querying statements and computer generated letters - they will have details of your arrangements at the collections dept and will be unable for the short term to prevent these mailings from going out -so dont worry
I'm done now, you'll be glad to know
best wishes s x