HELLO From New Zealand

MuffinTops

Hello Chev,
Personally I would say something. If anyone reacts badly it'll be due to their own guilt or something going on with them and nothing to do with what you're saying. I agree with Keiss that you do come across so lovely in your posts so we all know you'll come across just as lovely in person.

I know it's horrible to have someone snap, but at the end of the day wouldn't you rather risk that then witness the child grab the wrong dog. At the end of the day some people CAN be defensive, but that isn't your responsibility.

Having said all that, I bet they'll say something like "oh my, thank goodness you were there. He's always doing that but I had my back turned for 2 seconds and off he went".

I hope it works out well.

chevalier

today guys. At 12.51 nz time a year ago today, a 6.3 earthquake changed the face of Christchurch for ever. 185 people lost their lives, over 6000 were injured. It maybe stronger in the future but it will never be the same.

We were so lucky. We were in Christchurch 2 weeks before the earthquake. We looked at buildings there, with green, yellow and red stickers and we thought, oh but the red (dangerous) ones would have been made safe right. Oh how wrong we were. They came down two weeks later.

We walked through the square that had the cathedral in it. I regret now that I didn't insist we go inside, but DS's weren't interested and I was too tired and dispirited to argue with them about it.

I didn't lose anyone there. And only knew one person that has been caught up in it peripherally (her OH was in the city centre 2km from the epicentre when it struck, but was fine). So why have I been in bits today. Everytime they mention it on the radio I am welling up again.

In fact I think I will go out for the next hour before picking up the kids so I DON'T have to listen to it anymore.....
chev

Piquant_2

chevalier wrote: »

I didn't lose anyone there. And only knew one person that has been caught up in it peripherally (her OH was in the city centre 2km from the epicentre when it struck, but was fine). So why have I been in bits today. Everytime they mention it on the radio I am welling up again.

Perhaps because you're a warm and sensitive person? Why wouldn't you feel another person's pain, just because you didn't know them personally, means nothing. And I, for one, am glad you weren't there at the time!

Think of all the ways people rally round complete strangers here on the forums, they laugh, they cry. In my book it means we're all part of a larger family. And we're all part of a larger family yet, the human family...

To my mind your reaction just confirms what I said only the other day, you are a lovely person and one I would be proud to consider a friend.

Piq

Lemon_Tree

sending you lots of hugs Chev, it more than sounds like you need them, others have been really good with advice but as i often have foot in mouth syndrom i'll stick with the hugs lol I really hope you get some respite soon though.

Keiss_21

((((((Hugs )))))) to you too Chev xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

It is because you are lovely Chev, thank you for your lovely post in my diary

thinking of you,

Love Buffy xxx

beanielou

Thinking of you too.
try to take care of you xx

chevalier

Ho hum

Well I was absolutely knocked flat by the tonsilitis I had. I still don't feel right and it is over a month later.

The oil tank saga is now finished. The money has been paid etc, and we now have a bigger mortgage. Sigh. OH keeps on saying about selling our UK house. This fills me with panic to be honest.

I have such mixed feelings about living here. If we sold our UK home and bring the money over here, then we will be finally committed to staying.

I had an interesting conversation with the boys recently. DS1 who I thought would be all for going back, didn't want to, and DS2 who I thought would be all for staying wanted to go. Just shows you can never tell lol.

What worries the most is that we will buy a nice house over here, and I will still feel sad and upset about being here. I have STILL not made any real friends. I do volunteer work, am on a committee. So I am trying to put myself out there, but nothing. It is so hard. And to be honest I am quite bitter about it. It seems as if I am the only expat that has this problem. Other people who came out at the same time as me or after me, seem to have meet ups with local people, so I have NO IDEA what I have done wrong I really don't. We now have had a few play dates and DS2 was invited to his first party this last week.

But if we get a house, and I STILL feel like I want to go home, then what then. My nephew is getting married. Dates to be confirmed. My OH reaction was that oh we can't go it is too expensive. This doesn't take into account that we went back for one of our nieces weddings, and that sets a precedent doesn't it.....

Oh sod it
chev

brizzledfw

Chev

I am so sorry to hear this. It's hard being pulled in 2 directions..especially 24 hours away from family and 'home'..you can hardly just drop back easily for a visit. Am not surprised the boys have mixed feelings too..it's likely to always be the case perhaps? They see the good and less good in both places.

One of the things I have noticed..anecdotal maybe is that where I live now is a terrace and we have a really good street for just chatting in the fromt garden etc..many houses in NZ are bungalows, land all around etc..which is great but probably less easy to just have a chat across the fence as it were

I think the answer is to keep on plugging away at it. If you work maybe you can sort something after work like drinks? Its hard if youre shy but you may be pleasantly surprised..Maybe same for coffee with mums after kids have been dropped off? I appreciate it's hard...but am sure you'll find a way

Have a good day (eve!)

Brizzle

Piquant_2

Chev, the ongoing tonsillitis, has as you say, knocked you flat. Leaving you open to everything, including loneliness and doubt.

Even if you are shy, who you are will shine through, a lovely person!
At the moment you're under par and finding it hard to make friends and it hurts as you're miles away from home and family. You have done nothing wrong, you're fed up, everything has changed and it's stressful.

My advice is to get down to the doctors or pharmacy and get checked out and buy some multi vitamins. Get some sunshine, gardening or walking. Stop looking for friends for the moment until you feel better in yourself, by that I mean healthier.

You can pm me anytime, for chats or I could master the technology and we could skpe. You have helped so many people here with your down to earth advice, including me. Now take some of your own advice and look after yourself properly!

Piq