HELLO From New Zealand

Karmacat

I agree with you, chev, and with urg - it might be tough financially to find the airfare again, but yes, you'd probably look back in 20 years and regret not doing it. As for socialising - absolutely agree! Online friends are great, but you can't sit in the local cafe and peoplewatch with them .... since you've still got your previous house, and the rental situation over there might be about to improve drastically, I'd say you've got yourself a good marker for working on turning the social situation around.

Good luck with it. And, by the way, I hope you're getting enough sleep. Thinking of you.

Wordsmith

Yes, finances, if possible, have to take a back seat at these sort of times. You only get one chance for this kind of thing, and if you worry you will regret it later, then you are doing absolutely the right thing. The rest will sort itself out at some point. Do whatever is right for you.

I also understand completely the questioning whether you are right to stay in NZ. If you don't, you know you will have given it a good shot and it just wasn't right for your family (are your OH and children in agreement?) - for some it is wonderful, for others not the right thing ... there's no right or wrong, but if you haven't tried it there's no knowing. I guess you have been feeling this way for a while, but at the moment your emotions are heightened because of the situation with your dad. Giving it a time limit to "make or break" is a good idea - give yourself time for the grief to subside a bit and set a date for a proper review, rather than let it drift.

Right now, though. Look after yourself.

moo2moo

At a loss for words. Funerals are never easy but I've always regretted not going to my Grans simply because I didn't see the need for being there at the time. Hope you get the chance to catch up with friends whilst you're over here. If you end up anywhere even vaguely near here and you have some time to spare give me a shout!

((hugs))

Moo

clippy_girl

hi chev, thought i would pop over and say hi but was very sad to read about your dad. hugs xx

elantan

hey chev just saw the news about your dad ... really sorry to hear that ... sending my thoughts and love to you at this time

Wordsmith

Hi, chev. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you have been. I see that you've posted wise words on other people's diaries, but nothing on your own. So, how are you?

Karmacat

Hello chev - your diary has popped up in my subscriptions, just thought I'd say hello, let you know I'm thinking of you - obviously, you're in many people's thoughts right now, I hope you're okay, as okay as you can be in this situation.

chevalier

Well I am now back home, and vaguely on the right time zone!

The funeral was as good as one of these things can be. Got to see dad in the casket beforehand, which I was really glad about, as I got to see him not in pain, without tubes and wires and thing. Just peaceful. I know not everyone can do this (my sis couldn't). But for me it was important, to make it real if you see what i mean.

Got to see my cousins and have a good chat with them so that was the nice part of the day.

So now I have to start the job and house hunting again. These two trips have cost nearly $5000 between them. Whilst we were lucky enough to have savings to cover this, they a) need replacing and b) we need to stop spending them anyway.

One of the issues over here is that OH wages though very high for this country, are just not covering our expenditure each month. We don't go overboard, but the he gets paid $2400 each fortnight and £1195 of that goes in rent each fortnight.

Anyway I have just done a monthly shop over $350 so hopefullly I now just need bread, fruit and milk for as long as possible. I have flour in for the bread maker so that should be one less trip to the shops.

And I also need to crack on with listing on the local equivalent of ebay......

Thanks SO MUCH for the messages of support. They really do make a difference.
chev

hypno06

Glad you are back home, but remember that however much you try and get back into a routine, there will be moments/hours/days when everything hits you. And for you, with the travelling and such like as well, it may be even more so.

My big piece of advice, from my own experience, is not to try and work your way through these times as though they are "normal" times ie, don't necessarily think that you need to carry on all the time. I did that and after 2 years of it, I finally had the breakdown that was coming to me.

Since then, I have learned to embrace those times, give in to them, and of course over time they happen less and less, but they still happen, and I can deal with them far better each time. but in those first 2 years, I tried to carry on as normal, thinking that was the best therapy, and it was anything but.

Of course, there are no rules here - everyone is different, everyone grieves differently, everyone has lost someone different to the next person, so the after effects are not going to be the same. Therefore, I cannot say "I know how you feel" because I only know how I felt. But it is something that I wish had been said to me at the time, so I will say it, and if any of it applies, then great, and if it doesn't, it doesn't.

taxi73

glad you're back safe and well and that it went as well as can be expected.Hypnos advice sounds good ..just take everything at your own pace.