Marriage Advice

RoxieW

Good luck- you sound like a nice guy and you say you'd be devastated if your wife left you for someone else but that you want her to be happy - this shows how you feel about her.
You don't need to have any big talk which she may feel is an attack - keep it light, put some fun and spontaneity back - like i said, get some cheap flights and surprise her.
I have times when I wonder what I see in my hubby - then i imagine his with another woman and feel devastated. Sometimes its good to remind ourselves of what we stand to lose.

Chollita

Before you decide to end your marriage, be very, VERY sure that you don't want to be with your wife. Leave this other woman out of the equation. It's easy to feel that someone 'new' and 'exciting' can give you what you want, but all relationships get stale at some point. The same thing could well happen with the 'new' woman.

Uniscots97

Kaiser wrote: »

However, I don't think I'm in love with this other person. I think that I feel very strongly about her, but don't know her a millionth of how I know my wife and, as someone rightly pointed out, I'm only seeing the best of her and not the day-to-day things that have perhaps stagnated my marriage.

I think you've just answered your own question. Its very easy to get bogged down in day to day life and switch off from your partner. Step away from this other woman completely, whats to say you wouldn't feel the same way about her once you were bogged down in day to day life with her? Give your wife a chance, you haven't got children yet so enjoy spending a bit of time together whether its a night out or a night in watching a dvd.

mrs_pepperpot_3

ok so far been married twice, could of run off 8 times, with difrent men, offering a whisk away from the norm etc, then my hubby nearly did...... hmm that brouht it home for me, what i was mulling over had somehow made me more tollerant of the idea of the marriage being easiliy ended, when he did it to me... well it made me think and remember what we have been through together and how its easy to think the grass is greener, but its still grass and the whole mowing and sowing starts again . nah be 100 % to your wife and see what changes.

brownbabygirl

Definitely stay with your wife :-)

Kaiser_2

Chollita wrote: »

Before you decide to end your marriage, be very, VERY sure that you don't want to be with your wife. Leave this other woman out of the equation. It's easy to feel that someone 'new' and 'exciting' can give you what you want, but all relationships get stale at some point. The same thing could well happen with the 'new' woman.

I know what you mean, but I suppose it's a judgement call as to whether the new woman is worth the risk. I'm also scared of the trail of devastation that I'll inevitably leave behind if I should do this. Maybe if I wanted the new woman enough I'd not be thinking about this sort of thing and be single-minded about going for it with her.

CB1979_2

sod it, go and fill your boots

aimee21j

A friend once told me this: Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like. One day, the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

Probably not true in a number of cases but worth thinking about.

shelly

Tom_Saunders wrote: »

The "flight of fancy" element is a concern, but even if that doesn't amount to anything, isn't the fact that I want someone else enough to tell me that I need to end it? How long is long enough to try to ride it out?

no it is NOT.......

What stupid advice anyone who says yes.

We all think about it, well men anyway. Their is NOTHING wrong with a thought. Don't feel guilty for being human, just remmeber the novelty will wear off.

I agree with you to a degree but I agree with RachieB more. There is nothing wrong with a thought that is "Cor look at that! I wouldn't kick him outta bed for eating crisps" but the OP is actually thinking about leaving his wife. To me, that's much more than just a passing fancy. To let yourself get into the position the OP is in doesn't just happen overnight IMO.
Personally (and you did ask for blunt honesty OP ) I think neither of you could be trusted. She is obviously happy to be party to a marriage ending and you let it get this far in this first place.
No-one who truly loves, cares for and wants to be with someone (that someone being who they are married to) would ever let it get as far as it has. It should have been stopped along time ago.

But that's all just my opinion and I am a firm believer in being 100% faithful. (And no, I don't say that because I am bitter because I have been cheated on in the past because I haven't. I have been with my hubby since I was 14, been married 7 years and together 18 years total) If you really want to be with this woman I would advise doing nothing with her until you have ended it with your wife.
I have always told my hubby, if he wants to go with someone else he had better tell me first before anything happens. I'd chop his b@lls off if he didn't have the guts to use them and tell me first.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

skintchick

When you get married, you make vows - for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, till death do us part.

Marriage can be hard work, all relationships can. YOu have to honour your vows.

It bothers me you have obviously discussed all this with the other woman and nothing with your wife - your first priority and your confidante should always be your wife.

Stop treating this other woman like your wife and go and honour your vows. The only thing wrong with your marriage right now is you.