Less than supportive partners?

ailuro2

foreversomeday - while it's alien to me that people don't share everything jointly, I accept that some people put in a 'share' of the bills etc.

My suggestion to you- get to uswitch.com and find out how much you could save by switching suppliers, then tell him if he won't get his finger out and move that you will only be paying

HALF OF WHAT THE BILL WOULD BE WITH THE NEW SUPPLIER !

Yes, I shouted it, o make sure your OH heard that too:p

He can make up the difference since he obviously earns more so should have plenty of spare cash to burn on fuel!;)

Remember, fight one battle at a time.:beer:

moo2moo

Don't take him shopping, that way he won't know how much you have or haven't spent.

Keep the premium label jars but buy the cheap stuff, stick it in the premium jars and let him jump to conclusions. My OH has happily been drinking Tesco value coffee thinking its Nescafe for ages, apparently it tastes much better than the Asda stuff the lads at work buy. I've never claimed to buy Nescafe just thought ooh what a pretty jar and kept it, honest I have, not an ulterior motive in sight. Alternatively get Tesco (or asda or..) to deliver. That way no one other than you will know what you've bought and theres no way anyone he knows will see the contents of your trolley.

My OH has a thing about pasta. The DDs and I love it but he associates it with his dad having had a bad month and the start of a really hard few weeks. He did think that way about the basic brands until he worked out how few additives and preservatives were in them.

In the OPs position I'd be thinking new house, new start. Start clearing out all the stuff you don't want on Ebay so that you don't need to take it with you when you move. Get shut of the other stuff on Freecycle to save you endless trips to the tip.

After that actually showing them the physical difference works wonders. I spent 3 months working out what I would have spent at the shops had I not had my frugal head on and sticking the difference in a jam jar. Being able to stand in front of him and say right you don't agree with it but theres £1000 as a result of me "wasting my time". I played the free bingo when he was at work until I exhausted all the sites which bumped up the total a lot.

I still can't get him to buy from E-bay via Pigsback or anyother cash back site but he does now say I'm going to buy xxx where is it cheapest from? Even he accepts that taking him and the kids to the supermarket doubles the bill, its cheaper to let them all have lunch in the cafe as a treat than it is to let them throw the odd treat into the trolley.

belfastgirl23

Agree with all the posters above, shopping with DH is a no-no. I say as someone who has spent £30 in M&S this month already cos I broke my own rule - duh!

chillypep

How about this.

I was informed that Tmobile was giving free 5pound credit if you register your pay as you go on their website. I informed OH that I was going to register and get the free credit.
He flew into a rage at the idea and said I was acting as if we were poor!

Can anyone understand this please!

Mappygirl

My DH hates the idea that we're poor! When he moans I just say 'well we are!' To be fair I don't think we're poor, we just don't have what we want. But DH is ALWAYS saying 'ooh we should have that...' 'we need this...'. He just doesn't have a clue! and is very much an impulse buyer, I was like this before we had DD hence the reason we have so much debt! Although he is improving - he doesn't really moan and value food anymore. I think he realised that I was cooking it and if he didn't eat it he'd starve lol!

Chillypep - we have seperate accounts and 1 joint account for bills. I worked out that after the bills were paid there was £40 a week for each of us. DH earns more than me so he pays more into the joint account. We have the same each week and DH is quite amazed how far mine goes! Maybe if he sees what you can get for free he might change his mind!

If all else fails sort your own finances out and at least you'll feel in control of your own money and just come on here and moan about him! It's good to know that I'm not the only one with moaning (and not in a good way lol!) DH!

ninnoodle

I think to be honest a lot of men get offended by seeming or 'acting' as if they are poor. I do think it hurts their protective mentality - they are biologically 'supposed' to provide and when they see their OH buying value brands this eats into their subconscious that they are not providing well enough. Sorry if that sounds terribly sexist, I don't mean it to, just I think it's a biological thing.

I know, my OH is exactly the same. He would never buy a supermarket brand for anything, insists on buying expensive branded washing gel pouches instead of a big box of powder, leaves money behind in places like hotels (I'm talking 50ps, 20ps etc here) because all those coins 'do his head in carrying them about' (so I sneak it into my purse ); I could go on. So I have to be a little creative - hiding value brands in branded jars etc is a fantastic idea. They'd never know the difference, it doesn't hurt their ego and you don't have to feel as if you're nagging.

annie_d

Sorry..i have been out of the loop for a while.
Today i opened my own account and will be transferring 3 quarters of the total amount of the bills to our joint account. He still isn't happy.

onlyroz

Hubby leaves all the financial stuff to me, out of sheer laziness. After moving house we got a joint account for all the bills. I figured out how much they all came to and figured out how much we should each be paying in based on our salaries. The food is separate from this and I tend to buy most of it - although he gets the meat when we go to the butcher.

We manage to save a lot by buying very little alcohol, and by taking sandwiches to work (especially after I realised he was spending about £3 a day on breakfast and lunch, and had no idea how much this added up to in a month).

If I say we're switching electricity companies, he just lets me get on with it, as long as he doesn't have to lift a finger himself. But it does bug me that he's so lazy with his own finances. He has absolutely no idea what is in his account at any moment. When I suggest getting an ISA for any spare he agrees but then won't look any further than his own bank - despite me saying that he could do much better if he had a peek at the best-buy tables.

Might look into vouchers for online Tesco delivery - because it's so depressing wandering round there on my own at 10pm (i.e. after darling son has gone to bed and dinner is over and washed up).

Loretta

Perhaps it may work if we changed the way these men think.

Instead of them thinking that everyone, whoever everyone is!, will think they are poor if they buy value brands, we could make them think how clever they are because they are not taken in by supermarkets getting them to spend more on basic things than they need to, if that makes sense.

If you can pay 19p for a tin of tomotoes why pay 79p for them, the supermarkets think he is daft and they can make him pay as much as they like, but he is so clever and can see through the scam and can get one over on Mr Tesco or Mr Asda

Gas and electricity etc are all the same, you don't get an inferior type of electricity if you pay less for it, it just shows how clever you are to have taken a few minutes to sort it out and then you have beaten the system and are really clever

It's like dog training, men are simple creatures really, don't nag and argue spend that time boosting the little thing's egos, if that what it takes do it and you will get what you want.

One step at a time, tackle the utilities, then the shopping etc basically they are probably lazy and concerned they may have to do something themselves, if it is done that's it.

MrsTinks

DH was the same to an extent. Not so bad as to be robbing Peter to pay Paul but would be out of cash way before the end of the month. Now he's the first to point out if we've run out of Tesco Value curry noodles :rotfl:
We often have meals like pea and bacon soup, lentil soup and most weeks we have people round for dinner at least one night. I can serve up food for us and guests and make it look expensive for half what he used to spend on food for just him in a week... We eat better and he's come round to my way of thinking. I still rarely take him shopping as a £20-£30 shop will turn into a £100 shop. And he's difficult to argue with because we CAN afford it but I'd rather spend that money on paying off debts than bags of crisps and chocolate.
He looked at me in amazement the other day as I changed our electricity plan again... same company but to a capped rate till Sept I think next year. It's capped but if the prices drop ours will drop too (yeah cos that's likely to happen!) - I can't cut the cost of oil much as we can only buy it when we need it due to volumes and restrictions of the tank size but I now have money being set aside every month ready for the next lot.
Unexpected things can crop up and we can afford to buy it or pay it and he's never had that feeling before - knowing he doesn't have to worry. THAT is what has brought him round from spending on credit to spending what we actually have
Took time but it was worth it Most of it I just did without telling him